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Bridal party help!

Brittany, on October 20, 2019 at 8:27 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8

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I thought I had my bridal party figured out until last night, when my fiancé's grandmother asked if I was asking his sister to be a bridesmaid. Now originally, I was not going to ask her, because she and I are not close by any means (and honestly my fiancé isn't very close with her either, so I feel like she would understand), but after seeing the look on grandmas face when I said no, has me second guessing that decision. Really the only times we see his sister and her family are for holidays, birthdays and an occasional family lunch/dinner. I know that ultimately we can't please everyone, and that our wedding is just that, OUR wedding, but now I'm wondering if I should ask her to be a part of it. I definitely want to keep the peace in the family, and never want to feel as though anyone harbors any bad feelings regarding our decision.

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Latest activity by Judith, on November 11, 2019 at 10:54 PM

Champion July 2019
Veronica · on October 20, 2019 at 8:32 AM
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Unless you're close to the person, they really shouldn't be a part of your wedding. Grandma will just have to accept who you want in your wedding as it is your day. If your fiance wants to please his grandma then he could always ask her to be a groomswoman, but since he isn't close to her I would just leave his sister out of the wedding.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on October 20, 2019 at 8:35 AM
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I would search the forums for other scenarios similar to yours. I think it will help solidify your decision not to have her in the bridal party. It can bring tons of unnecessary drama. Not having someone in the bridal party doesn’t mean “I don’t like you,” it means “you’re not one of my 4 (or however many) closest friends.” I’m sure that the sister would understand. Sounds like grandma is just really old school or doesn’t know your relationship.
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Dedicated November 2020
April · on October 20, 2019 at 9:05 AM
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I’ve ran into this problem with my MIL, already, I’m having my FH’s sister in my party but we ARE close.. BUT my MIL thought I should have FH’s brothers fiancé in my party as well, and basically accused me of trying to create a divide in the family by not having her. FH and I both explained to her that it’s not a personal vendetta or because there’s an issue it’s just that she’s not one of my closest friends and that’s it, then she understood.. or said she did anyway. It’s your day and I’ve come to realize that no matter what you do or decide there will always be someone questioning or commenting on something.. if you feel it’s necessary maybe sit down and have a conversation with grandma but I wouldn’t change your decision just to please someone else.
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Super August 2021
Dierdra · on October 20, 2019 at 11:28 AM
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I'm the opposite. We are putting all of our siblings in our wedding (3 in total) no one is married so thay keeps our number down lol. We will always have family but our friends may not last. It's totally a decision between the bride and groom though. We just come from families that want that regardless of how close we are to our siblings now.
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Super October 2020
Renee · on October 20, 2019 at 11:52 AM
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My (only) sibling/sister is my MOH and thats bc she's my best friends. We each picked who we wanted on out side and my fiance isn't having any of his 3 brothers or 1 sister in the wedding party bc he's not that close to them. No one has said anything about it to us. Of course that doesn't mean people haven't talked about it (like his mom) You should pick people you're close to. Everyone has an opinion about something and you can't make them all happy
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Beginner April 2022
Vanessa · on October 20, 2019 at 4:36 PM
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I wouldn't have her stand up with you in your bridal party because as you said your not close. you can always have her do a reading or something of that to include her.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on October 21, 2019 at 12:46 PM
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Would it be meaningful for your fiance & his sister to include her? Would it be a nice bonding experience for both of you? I included all 4 of my husband's sisters as bridesmaids but I was already pretty close to 2 of them and had good relationships with the other 2. Our wedding was a very family involved event.
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Master 0000
Judith · on November 11, 2019 at 10:54 PM
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Don't. She knows as well as you do that you two are not at all close to her. She will know you asked to please grandma, and likely would only accept if feeling pressured to go along . That is not an honor, or a nice gesture. No one likes being someone else chore or obligation, and every time you deal with your ladies she will be aware of the relationship you have with them, warm affection she will not feel. I don't think asking under these circumstances is a nice thing at all. She will feel like a second class , unwanted person in your bridal party. Better to be wanted as a family member than unwanted as a BM .
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Bridal party help!

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