Bridal Party drama

Honestly I would either add her as a bridesmaid or not involve her at all. You may be trying to be nice, but it might come off as asking her to do something without the pay off of being a bridesmaid.

I was invited to a high school friend's bachelorette party out of state, and I gotta be honest it was pretty weird. I was the only one there that wasn't actually a bridesmaid even though we were all in the same friend group in high school. Whenever topics came up about the bridal party (which is inevitable), it was just really awkward and I sat in silence. While the overall weekend was fun, I still kinda just felt like I was there to help split the bill and help plan something. Felt used. Don't recommend... lol

What "pay off" is there in being a bridesmaid?

Being a bridesmaid doesn't get you a cookie or a gold sticker or something. It's just standing up to support a friend.

And if you're expecting to get or think there is some "pay off" for being a bridesmaid, then the bride was right in not making you one.

The "I thought we were closer than that" remark wasn't needed, and the response definitely has an air of entitlement about it.

That said, I wouldn't necessarily decide against having her involved at all based just on this exchange.

How I would handle this:

Let her leave you on read however long she wants. You have answered, now the ball is in her court. It is up to her to respond to you. I normally do not resort to the "wait for them to reply to you" because people get busy, but this is a situation where it is warranted - you have said your piece, so she needs to now respond to you for the exchange to continue.
If she doesn't respond or reach back out, do not involve her in the wedding. She has made her position clear. This doesn't mean you can't continue to be friends, but do not ask her to be involved.
If she does respond or reach back out (even non-wedding related), then you should reciprocate and consider her just as you did before. When it comes time to discuss her involvement, ask to have a one-on-one conversation about it. Explain that while you feel your bridesmaids should be those who have been consistent in your life, her friendship is important to you, and it would mean a lot to you if she would be willing to participate in another way. Avoid accusatory/"you" statements ("you haven't always been a great friend," "I know you are upset about this") and focus instead on the positives and your own feelings (which are the only ones you really know) - she is important to you, and you want to include her.

You are perfectly right in not choosing her as a bridesmaid, so stand your ground on that, but this exchange isn't worth upset or offense on your part. I also recommend not focusing on your history - who she is to you now is what should matter - and also I wouldn't approach this from the mindset of "I think I'm being nice to you by including you despite our past." While it should be considered an honor to be asked to participate in a wedding, it shouldn't be viewed by the couple as some kind of generosity on their part. You are asking this person to do something for you, in respect to their importance to you.

I agree with everyone who said you should only have the bridesmaids you want, so I wouldn't worry about not including her. Her question, your answer, and her "congrats" response are all fine. I personally wouldn't have known how to respond to your final message. It sounds patronizing and like an afterthought. Even if you didn't mean it that way, there's no reason to involve people you don't even like in your wedding. Being just a guest is a nice thing.

"Leaving someone on read" is not some grand rude gesture. There are any number of reasons for not responding to a text (and, I mean, someone has to be the last to comment otherwise you are stuck texting someone inane things, like, forever??). I would let this go and just move on with your wedding planning.

I completely agree with Maggie.

Well, it sounds like an afterthought the way you phrased it. And especially only mentioning it to her after she asked you about being a bridesmaid. But only you know if you had been thinking about this all along.

Setting aside the afterthought thing, I wouldn't personally care to be asked to do work at a wedding just to "be involved". I don't really know what being a greeter or hostess means (where I'm from, the host is the person planning/paying for the wedding), but those don't sound like enjoyable jobs. I think just being a guest sounds nicer than having a job.

I'm not sure that I would necessarily consider it an afterthought, but it definitely tells the person that they're not good enough to make the cut to be honored in the bridal party. Maybe it's more like a consolation prize? Bridesmaids and groomsmen are positions of honor - the people closest to you whom you want to honor by asking them to stand next to you on your wedding day. Other things such as greeters or hostesses are not, they're just jobs and most people would find it much more enjoyable to just be a guest instead.

From the way your text conversation above went, it can come across that you're now considering involving her in another way as an afterthought because she asked about not being chosen as a bridesmaid. That might not be what you intended, but I can see how she may perceive it that way.

I don't think you were wrong at all! You don't have to explain yourself on who you chose to have or not have in your wedding. But I'm a little confused on what way you planned to incorporate her into the wedding? I think she's either in it or she isn't. By 'incorporate' do you mean inviting?

I think your younger cousin/niece or nephew is more appropriate for a "greeter", or maybe someone you would consider for a junior bridesmaid. But as an adult friend, and by the looks of it, someone who assumed they'd be in the bridal party, I would actually be a little insulted that you asked me to be a greeter in place of a bridesmaid. At this point, I would have just said that you planned to invite her and wanted her there to celebrate with you. Any other thing seems like adding insult to injury after not being asked to be in the wedding. Maybe that's just me! Good luck!!

You're being over dramatic and assuming a lot.

The "pay off" of being a bridesmaid is exactly what you said - knowing that your friend wants you up there supporting her.

Inviting someone to an event where everyone else is a bridesmaid just so you can split the bill more is tacky. It puts that one person in an awkward position of "I'm clearly a good enough friend to be invited to this get together, but not good enough to be up there and support her?"

But go off I guess.