Bridal party awkwardness

I would wait and hold off picking your bridal party til 8 months out wants change etc..

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Makes sense. That's also why I think I will only have my sister in my bridal party. Our relationship hasn't changed in 32 years haha! I'm also trying to take her advice. She got married 8 years ago and says she wishes I was the only one in her bridal party because she is no longer close with many of the girls she had in her wedding.

First off, congrats and welcome to Wedding Wire! I'm a Jan. 2022 bride and have a lot done with planning as well!

I wouldn't bring it up to her unless she starts hinting at the fact that she'll be in your wedding. If she brings it up, or asks what she needs to do as part of the wedding party, then kindly tell her that you'll only have your sister in your bridal party.

You never know, she could just be helping out with planning to just be helpful! Or she might just find enjoyment in wedding planning, so it might just be fun for her to help you out! If you're feeling uncomfortable with her help, then it's perfectly okay to set boundaries and let her know that.

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Good point! Maybe she does just enjoy trying to be helpful! I do feel uncomfortable sometimes when she sends me suggestions for a dress or decor because I find myself saying "That's really pretty but maybe not for me?" and she's a bit persistent. I think she wants a re-do of her wedding from 8 years ago I don't want her to feel like I don't want her involved but I do find my mom and sister to be far more helpful as far as suggesting things that are more my style and taste.

With your wedding so far away, I wouldn't even broach the subject with her. There really is no need to pick your bridal party until about nine months before the wedding so you still have plenty of time. You could always end up changing your mind. If she asks, then I would just be honest that you are thinking that you only want to have your siblings because you'd rather keep your bridal party small. Otherwise you don't own her an explanation.

Don't pick anyone for the wedding party until 6 months before the wedding. No one should be asking you or even bringing it up. Say politely that you will make your decision closer to the wedding and you will not discuss it further.. Kudos to you for allowing people to be a guest with no responsibilities beyond having fun.

View Quoted Comment I gotcha! Sounds like she could be re-doing her wedding dreams like you mentioned. I’d tell her nicely, while you appreciate her help, some things she’s showing you aren’t your style.

View Quoted Comment Tell her you already have stuff planned. Don't be afraid to set up boundaries and stick to them.

I told my (then) best friend (“Amy”) prior to my engagement that when I would get married, she would be my MOH. Once I got engaged, but before I made any final decisions re the bridal party, I realised I did not want Amy in my bridal party at all because I knew it could potentially ruin our friendship. I say this because before I even started making any plans, Amy started voicing some strong opinions on what I should and shouldn’t do with my wedding and I knew that over the course of time they would bother me and that it would be safer just to leave things as is (i.e. I mentioned in passing that I wanted a mermaid style dress, her response was “oh you need to make sure you take me shopping so I can pick something suitable for you so you don’t make any silly decisions”).

I decided my bridal party would be just my sisters and I told Amy that we were doing a small bridal party with just the family so as to “not complicate things”. She was very understanding, and given what I’d told her previously, she was more expecting of being in the bridal party than your girlfriend (I would think so anyway). If she was understanding of it, I am sure your friend will be too 😊

The first of my friends that we married ran into this issue. We were all young and still super close. In an effort to avoid hurt feelings she simply told all of us "I don't want to choose between all of you. I've chosen my sister and cousins. All of you are invited but that is my final choice." Short simple and to the point. Were we all hurt to an extent? Sure but we were over it in short time.

View Quoted Comment This made me feel a lot better about potentially having to have that conversation with her! She was a little bit of a bridezilla when I was her MOH over 8 years ago and I never felt the same way about her. When she picked me to be her MOH I was between jobs and basically went broke trying to afford all of my responsibilities. She wanted a spa weekend at a luxury hotel instead of a bachelorette party and only one of her friends offered to help pay for some of it, one of her other bridesmaids couldn’t afford her dress so I had to pay for it and all the alterations, and when I couldn’t afford something she told me I need to “step up”. I started waiting tables just to afford being her MOH! So I want to avoid jeopardizing our relationship by not giving her responsibilities beyond being a guest and having fun!

View Quoted Comment Oh good! I’m glad to hear from someone who received similar news and was fine with it! Thanks!