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Just Said Yes November 2021

Bridal party assumptions

Danielle, on July 10, 2020 at 1:59 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12
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So I’m in the process of giving bridal party proposal boxes. Basically, my FH has a long time best friend of like 5 years that he asked to be a groomsmen. The groomsmen has a fiancée who just messaged me after his proposal asking “Do you have all of your bridesmaids yet?” I take that as basically asking if she’s a bridesmaid. Keep in mind I can’t tell you anything about this girl. We’re friends on Facebook and that’s it. I don’t know what she does for a living, her middle name, her parents, literally anything. We’ve never even talked one on one, it’s always been with our guys there. So basically, I don’t really know her that well and she is asking if she’s a BM. My FH wants me to explain that we have family and a couple long time friends in the party and let her down easy. But part of me feels like yes, I’m scared to hurt her feelings. But also, it’s rude to ask and I don’t need to explain myself. What do I do???


  • Samantha
    Devoted October 2020
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    A simple 'yes, thank you for asking.' No need to explain yourself.
    • Reply
  • Caitlin
    Expert January 2021
    Caitlin ·
    • Flag
    Your wedding, your decision! You're not obligated to include your party's significant others in your party. That'd be a crazy amount of people anyways! You don't need to explain yourself, nor should you feel nervous about hurting her feelings. It shouldn't hurt her feelings that you barely know her and will, therefore, not be including her in your party. It's about you! I would keep it short and simple by saying that you have the people closest and most dear to you in your party and if she asks, just respond with "I'm so sorry, but we won't have any more room for other members as I'd like the number of my party members to stay the same as future hubby's" or something of that sort. Keep us updated!!! Good luck ❤️
    • Reply
  • A
    Expert October 2021
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    That’s so bizarre of her to ask! Just tell her “yes, I do” and move on. You don’t need to explain anything, apologize, or otherwise placate her.
    • Reply
  • H
    Super June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    Very strange of her to ask. Maybe she's just curious? Either way, bridesmaids should only be your nearest and dearest

    • Reply
  • M
    Devoted December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag
    I don’t think this one will be too bad to deal with because the good thing is you don’t exactly have a relationship with this woman so it won’t be too much of a downer to her when you break the news. Sounds to me like she thinks since her fiancée is best man, that she’s automatically a BM.
    I would just be super casual as say “yes I sure do!” If she proceeds to ask if she can be included then just tell her you guys are keeping the bridal party as it is and won’t be changing it.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    She did not specifically ask about herself. But did ask a question that was not a rude one. If Aunt Mabel or a neighbor asked, you would not assume they were fishing for an invitation. And socially, when asked a non-offensive question, you are courteous, you don't leave people hanging, but put in only as much information as you want in the answer. " I decided on some friends ( or family) that I have been close to for years and years, but will not announce who they are to outsiders for a while yet. " It never hurts to be polite. But you need not tell anyone who you chose, when they have not formally accepted, or you simply don't want to discus it. And never need say why you chose people. So, since bridal party are usually chosen from long term close friends, or close family, saying I decided on long term blah blah says nothing, but fulfills the polite manners requirement of nicely answering questions you are asked, as though the person has no possible bad ideas in mind. That is the manners standard: that act like you assume they have no bad reason for asking, a social politeness, even when you think they are fishing for something. Now if she follows up ( or GM) with asking you to choose her, then you just say, though I like you, when I picked my bridesmaids, I did not think of people whom I have not been close to for a very long time. It kind of puts her in her place only if she tries to push. But gives her something no one can argue with: she knows as well as you ( and GM too) that you are not long time close friends.
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen Online ·
    • Flag
    I agree with what the other people have said and that it was rude of her to even ask that. Even people I was good friends with I would never straight out ask them do you have all your bridesmaids am I a bridesmaid you know? I don't even think you have to let her down easy I would just respond to her and say you already have your ladies you will be asking to be Bridesmaids. Maybe could you follow it up with these are my nearest and dearest friends but I would love to be a part of my day. I don't feel like you're telling her no or you're being rude to her you're just saying yes you do have your bridesmaids that you plan on choosing. If she gets hurt she needs to get over it because she should not assume that just because her husband was asked to be a groomsman that she's automatically a bridesmaid.
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Expert August 2020
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    Idk maybe she was just curious or trying to strike conversation. But I think (as pp said) a simple “yes, I do” suffices. No need for explanations.

    I had a situation where FH has become good friends with one of my friends husbands. He wanted to ask him to be a groomsman but I didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid (though I’ve known her much longer). I was feeling a little bad about it but she’s several years older and I think past the “bridesmaid” phase of her life. Instead she will be doing a reading. I don’t think you owe even that fo this girl if you aren’t friends.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Expert May 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag

    Asking if you have all your bridesmaids and asking to be a bridesmaid are different. I have asked people I know if they have all there bridesmaid, with no want or intention to be a bridesmaid. Just saying 😌 I agree with others, a simple “yes I do!” Would be enough.

    • Reply
  • Laura
    Dedicated July 2020
    Laura ·
    • Flag
    Maybe she is asking if you need help "evening it out." Some brides like when there are the same number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. Maybe she was offering in case you needed an extra... She should have explained and it is still kinda rude to ask. If you don't want her in the wedding, just let her know that you already have your bridal party picked. It shouldn't hurt her feelngs since you aren't close at all.
    • Reply
  • Kerin
    Rockstar February 2021
    Kerin ·
    • Flag

    Keep it simple, a "yes, thank you" would be sufficient. No additional explanation is necessary. Not everyone has the best social skills, so she may not have been intentionally rude, it may be more of an excitement for your wedding and an attempt to promote the friendship between the two of you since your FHs are so close already...or at least that's how I would wrap my head around it to shrug it off Smiley winking

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    Maybe she was just curious and didn’t imply it as anything ?
    • Reply

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