Bridal Party and Greeter/pamphlets

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OK, I misread this statement, "and my fiance can't match that number," to mean you wanted matching numbers.

I certainly never called you a b**** and I didn't see anyone else here do so either. I feel like you are reading lots of things into these replies merely because they disagree with you or question why you want to ask friends to work at your wedding.

I don't know about your bachelorette party. How expensive is the one are you planning? I know that people invite non-bridal party friends to bachelorette parties all the time, so it seems to be acceptable to do so. The really important thing to remember is that not everyone will be able to attend (due to money, vacation time, etc.) and you should accept declines gracefully with no pressure.

I have already had some girls decline and I have had no issue with it. I guess I am just shocked in general that people view it as working when I originally viewed it as inclusion in the wedding. Feeling extremely blindsided by peoples views on Greeters. I thought they were traditional for a formal wedding.

View Quoted Comment I’m going to be the oddball here, but I don’t see it as a problem. Every wedding I’ve attended had ushers and hostesses - I’ve been a hostess in the weddings of some of my family members and friends, and I was honored to be a part of their day (even if I wasn't a bridesmaid). Maybe it’s a regional or cultural thing.

When I was planning my big wedding, we asked some of our close friends and family members to be hostesses and ushers — without an issue or problem. They were happy to be a part of our special day (these are people who love and support us and are not worried about a place or position in our wedding). They did not purchase bridesmaid dresses or tuxes, but they were asked to wear the wedding colors and we planned to purchase corsages and bouts for them. We considered them a part of our wedding party and we planned to include them in everything — including prewedding festivities (shower, Bach party), the rehearsal dinner, getting ready, special seating at the ceremony and reception, etc. At the wedding, they would be greeters or hand out programs, manage the gifts and sign in table, walk VIP guests into the ceremony, etc.

We ended up canceling our big wedding due to CoVID and did not have a wedding party at all. But I don’t see having hostesses and ushers as a problem or issue.

I think you have good intentions, but people can definitely see take this gesture in the wrong way. I personally would see this as being used instead of being included. Like PP said, I wouldn't include them at all and just let them attend as guests, but if you do, just include them as bridesmaids. Honestly, if I have to sit through 10 bridesmaids walking down the aisle, what's 2 more. 10 bridesmaids is already a lot and they would've lost my attention after number 6 or 7 anyway.

To answer the question in your comment, I think inviting more than your bridal party to the bachelorette is perfectly fine. If they say they decline/can't spend the money, then they don't come. Simple as that.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I think I will reconsider asking them to get a dress. Also hostess is such a better term.

I don't think there's anything insulting about being asked to be an usher. It's a way to be involved in the day. I asked one of my cousins and told him he didn't have to do it but that I wanted to find a way to include him. He said yes but I made sure he knew he could wear whatever he wanted and I don't really expect anything from him. I actually had his mom reach out to me and say that she had wanted to have something to do to be included in the wedding, so she will now be doing a reading for us. I don't think usher is a replacement bridesmaid/groomsman position at all and it is a lot less effort for the person since they don't have to wear specific attire or show up early to do things.

I’ve never attended a wedding where they hand out pamphlets I guess... and 12 bridesmaids walking down is not only excessive, but obnoxious in my opinion... Less is more.

I think I would either just ask them to be bridesmaids, or just have them attend the wedding as a guest. Having greeters feels like you’re walking into Walmart, not a wedding. And there’s really no need to have people hand guests programs. Most people skip programs anyway. But if you insist on having them, they can be set on ceremony chairs or at a table at the entrance to the venue. I think your heart is in the right place and you are just looking for a way to make these two women feel included. But assigning them needless jobs really just highlights the fact that they are not an important part of your wedding. It feels like a “B list” position. I understand that 12 bridesmaids is A LOT. But to be perfectly honest, 10 bridesmaids is A LOT! At this point, I don’t think two more girls are going to make a difference at all. If they are important to you and you want them to be a part of your wedding party, why not just avoid the potential for insulting them or making them feel less than and just give them the honor of being your bridesmaids.

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I dont expect people to understand why I'm doing this. I spent half my life at one school and made a group of really close girl friends I stay in touch with and then the other half of my life at another school where I made a group of close friends. All people involved would be extremely hurt if I did not include them. And if having 10 bridesmaids is the least I can do then so be it. I am not a fussy person. it's JUST a wedding and if I annoy one of my guest with my number of bridesmaids then yikes, maybe they shouldn't be in my life anyway

Of course you can include whoever you want and have 12 (or even more) bridesmaids. Allie's comment sounds rude but she's right: Guests don't care about the wedding party and the couple's parents/grand parents AT ALL. They only want to see the happy couple .
When it comes to ushers,greeters, reading during the ceremony: it's a nice way to include people. I would personnaly decline (not because I don't even want be included in a wedding party and wouldn't be offended if not asked, but because I prefer to attend as a ",regular" guest). but I know some would be happy to perform such a role.However, you said it's only a party. It's definitely fine to think this way, a wedding is not a marriage. But It's "a two-way street": I mean if this is only a party to you , why would these girls or the dad would throw a fit about it , given that it is YOUR AND YOUR MAN'S party not theirs ?