Boyfriends Ex Fiancé is the Grooms Step Sister

I have a couple thoughts running through my head.

1. From the way you've written this, it doesn't sound like the groom is a good friend to your boyfriend. Pressuring someone to be in the wedding party when they are uncomfortable is being manipulative. I can't speak to the time and financial commitment because unless you have joined finances and know the schedule of everything. I think your boyfriend really needs to look at this "friendship" and think about if it has run its course

2. Are you worried the ex fiancé will do something? Are you worried your boyfriend is not over her? If you have 100% trust in each other and have open communication, then there should be nothing to worry about. Groomsman activities shouldn't really involve her unless she is part of his side. Usually the only things they would be at together is an engagement party (if they have one), the rehearsal, and the wedding itself, all of which you should be invited to.

3. If they dislike you this much, I would ask your boyfriend to find out if you are invited to the wedding. My husband would decline if that was the case. You are a package deal.

Hi, Janet. I did write this in kind of a huff so I did leave out some details.

1) I have not witnessed them being great friends in the past six months but sort of thought I shouldn't judge how his friends are to him. Simply because everyone is different. My bf keeps saying he's uncomfortable being there also, but doesn't want the conflict that will come with backing out. (The wedding is 6 months away.)

2) I am not worried about the ex fiance. She has a new bf. However, it didn't end well with them and there has been some animosity towards him and me (we started dating over 6 months after their breakup) and that makes me nervous. My ex best friend (who recently decided to not be friends - honestly she was kind of rude and I was always chasing down her friendship) will also be at the wedding and is great friends with the ex fiance and the bride. Which, I know I am being selfish, but this sounds like a nightmare. We do have some trust issues, not because of other women, but bc my bf has been dealing with some other issues that I would rather not disucss. He and I have been working diligently through the issues at hand and are both aware that we are rebuilding some trust right now. He has been doing amazing and I have no reason to doubt that it will be better by the time the wedding does roll around.

However, I am worried the Bride who dislikes me for literally no reason, will pair my bf up with her friend who she has consistently been trying to set my bf up, even while we have been together. Rude, right? In this case, my bf has said he will back out and not even be a part of the wedding, but I hate that he's being forced into this situation.

3) My worry is that I will not be invited to the wedding. It is a good idea to just ask them, that would definitely make things easier on us. However, if I am invited, I worry I am walking into a very hostile and uncomfortable situation for both me and my bf.

I am trying to navigate the situation the best way I can without being selfish and without ending up in a bad situation.

I don't really think its in either of y'alls interest to continue talking to these "friends". But that's just me. Boundaries clearly need to be set with them.

On the pairing the two up. It's 20 seconds down the aisle and 20 seconds back up, a couple group shots, and an entrance. I don't think there is a way to set someone up like that, and your boyfriend can just say no I'm not interested. And if she keeps pushing putting him in a more awkward position, he needs to walk away.

If your boyfriend decides to be a groomsman, I think the best way to navigate this is to kill them with kindness. Probably not what you want to hear from this random person on the internet, but I wouldn't want to put my SO in this type of position where he would be miserable. Your boyfriend seems to have your back which is great! Whatever you both decide to do, I hope it works out!

I feel like you're right. I think my severe anxiety issues are causing me to pre-worry which is something I struggle with. It's just been a weird dramatic situation for us both throughout the six months we've been together, we have tried flat out asking what the issue is and that has not warranted any sort of clarity or response that is helpful. I worry I am caught up in a "mean girls" situation and I feel like at 33 I do not need that kind of stress in my life.

Full disclosure, I think he's a wonderful human, but the whole thing has caused me to reanalyze he and I as a couple all together (along with the other issues we have dealt with).

Thank you for your advice. I feel like it's very solid and kind.