Boundaries for Future In Laws

I absoutley love FMIL we have developed a great relationship over these past few years. She's super excited for our wedding.

Setting boundaries its a sticking situation cause feelings tend to get hurt n so forth. I would definitely put some ground rules and make it very clear but also it needs to come from your FH rather than you.

If they are not financially contributing to the wedding, then I would politely (but firmly) tell them that although their opinions are appreciated, you will ultimately be choosing what is best for your wedding in regards to your own vision. Don't completely shut them down or out, but also let them know that this is y'all's wedding and y'all want it a certain way. Also, it doesn't hurt to compromise on SOME things that would make them happy. Since they are involved, I'm assuming they are excited and want everything to be perfect...just like y'all do.

From experience... put your foot down NOW and set those boundaries or else they will continue to steamroll you your entire marriage.

Stop telling them what you’re doing. And if they’ve given you any money for the wedding, give it back. If they don’t know what you’re planning, they can’t have an issue with it.

You've had a lot of threads about this issue. What does FH say? Has he done anything to stand up for you and your relationship. IMO, it's his responsibility to start the process of setting these boundaries.

YES BOUNDARIES. I'm always happy when I see the word "boundaries" because they are SO important to set. Your fiance needs to talk to them privately. It's nice they want to be involved and maybe let them choose certain things you don't care about, but it still is your wedding.

I had this issue with my own mother. once i told her the venue, she continually sent me higher end venues because she had always had a dream for her little girl. Ultimately she laid off the suggestions, listened to my plans and ideas. and even helped me plan most of the wedding. shortly before the wedding, my parents surprised me with a large sum of money to help with finalizing the wedding. My parents also told me everything about my wedding was stunning and while they were never able to envision what i did during planning, i had done a great job executing everything. That was nice to hear and in the end it was exactly what my husband and I wanted.

We left them out this entire time or most of it. And now they are causing a lot of drama saying we are all suppose to be involved in the planning even though they aren’t paying for it. They haven’t exactly made it fun to include them. They always criticizing and so many negatives that we chose to leave them out. In the beginning of planning we included them but then they were fussing about our venue and how they always had a Dream for their sons wedding. And I’m like um this is not your wedding, it’s our dream our vision. They don’t understand why we decided it was best not to involve them. I get so aggravated even to this day because they still continue to cross their boundaries. I want to so badly just tell them all of this so they GET IT, but I can’t because then there will be drama. My fiancé doesn’t know how to set up boundaries for them. He doesn’t like confrontation but our pre-marital counselor is working on him so I hope he can teach him how. Ahhhhh!

View Quoted Comment I’m not really sure if he stands up for me or what or sets boundaries in private. But if anything I don’t think he is doing it, because I would think things would be different...

I guess I got lucky because my FMIL, though she's helpful, she's not one who shares her opinion much at all, I have to pretty much ask her directly anytime I want her opinion or for her to be involved. If I was in your shoes I would probably talk to FH who, in my case would say to have a chat with them. So we'd sit down and talk to them about it and let them know that they are appreciated but that we have our own wedding vision and that we would like to include them but that their visions are colliding with ours and it's causing some stress so we would appreciate if they could (pretty much) get on board.