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Just Said Yes November 2019

Booked the venue now bridesmaid can't attend

Carrie, on April 9, 2018 at 4:50 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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Hi guys
This an odd question so any advice or opinions would be amazing as I don't know what to do!

So this is kind of my mistake here- we checked with our parents but have put a deposit down for a registrar while our venue holds the date without checking with all of the bridesmaids/groomsmen. One of my two bridesmaids can't make that date (Nov 2019) due to another wedding (her older school friends but she isn't in their wedding party). Strike one against me- definitely should have checked!

The problem is we picked this date due to cost, and my job (I work in education so have to find a date around school holidays). If we move it to the weekend before it will cost us 700 quid more in venue fees and rebooking the registrar and we are on a very tight budget as it. We can't afford to get married during the summer as an alturnative, and looking at any earlier in the year (i.e. Easter holidays) and we won't have saved enough at all. There is the possibility of my Mum paying the difference, but I feel bad enough our parents are contributing and was already having heart attacks over how much everything cost.

She hasnt said what she is going to do and I've explained the situation to her, how I desperately want her there but understand she committed to someone else's date first. I'm really desperately upset as to be honest I am a very reluctant bride and only have two female friends and a very small guest list in comparison to my h2b. The idea of her not being there is horrible but then I don't know if I can afford to move everything. I've told her to think and I'll have a think but any ideas or just anything would be brilliant! Thank you

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6 Comments

Latest activity by OL7889, on April 9, 2018 at 8:06 PM

Super August 2019
Future Louie · on April 9, 2018 at 4:56 PM
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I understand how distressing this can be! However, if I were in your shoes, I'd just leave the date as is. There's money put down and unless you can stretch the budget to account for the move, I wouldn't. You can still have your friend involved in all of the pre-wedding activities. Don't worry about comparing who's on your side to your FH's side. Uneven sides are totally fine and if you only have one standing with you, that's okay! Just know you're not breaking any wedding rules or laws.
I'm sure your friend wishes she could be at both weddings, but things happen. If this date is convenient for both you and your FH, then that's the date you both will get married and whoever's there, is there. Don't sweat it!
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VIP June 2018
PrincessLawrence · on April 9, 2018 at 5:01 PM
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I would just leave it if that is what works for you guys. I understand it is upsetting but even if you did know you may still have bee in this situation
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VIP November 2017
Meaghan · on April 9, 2018 at 5:26 PM
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I agree, as much as it will stink if she can't make it, I would leave the date where it is and let your friend decide what to do.
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Just Said Yes October 2016
Jessie · on April 9, 2018 at 5:37 PM
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Do what is best for you and your H2B. If your friend is a good friend, she will not let this hang over your friendship. Weddings are difficult enough to plan, no one needs bridal party issues to add to the stress. If it turns out she cannot make it to yours, she can always be there via skype or video-calls.
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Savvy July 2018
FutureMrs · on April 9, 2018 at 7:01 PM
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You will not a find a date that works for everyone. I have changed my date so many times trying to plan around everyone. Finally put a deposit down and my grandma has a 50 year class reunion that day. She will hopefully be able to make both. But even if you move your date I would bet money that someone else will have a conflict.
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Savvy July 2018
OL7889 · on April 9, 2018 at 8:06 PM
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This exact thing happened to me. Leave the date. I booked the venue and one of my bridesmaid's said that she has another friend getting married that day (at this time, she wasn't in the other friend's bridal party). I tried to change the date but it ended up not being able to work out. She said not to worry and she's definitely still coming/will stand by my side, since I asked her to be a bridesmaid first and this is more important. I also told her that I completely understand if she chose to go to the other wedding since they knew each other longer, but she insisted this was more important.
Fast forward a few weeks, and turns out she begins to have second thoughts because she thinks the other friend wants her to be in the bridal party. She asks if she can skip out on my ceremony, be in all the pictures, and be there "for the fun part" so that way she can be in both wedding. Thanks, but no thanks. In the end, I was glad I stuck to the original date even though it sucked that she won't in it.
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