Blending cultures

Ask his parents what some of the traditions are and try to incorporate them into your day.

I googled and skimmed the answers so it would be best to confirm with them the following:

-asking permission to "receive" the bride

-receiving the bride at her house

-bringing the bride to groom's house

-reception

-traditional Vietnamese wedding gifts

-the bride's change of dress

I'm familiar with the traditions from going to a ton of weddings and doing my own research. FH just doesn't want to do most of them. I guess my issue is not that I don't know how to incorporate his culture but more that he doesn't want to do the traditions but is complaining that it's too white washed.

That's a bit more difficult.

When you say you can't find a caterer within your budget who can serve Asian food, is it possible to cut the guest list so you can make it fit?

You could also edit your title by adding where the wedding is located and someone may be able to suggest catering options in your area. Also more details, specifically budget (if you're comfortable sharing) and number of guests, would help us help you.

So it sounds to me like he really just wants those two things....Asian food and ao dai.

I would try to make the Asian food happen. Maybe adding Vietnamese apps? Or like E&M suggested, cut the guest list.

We have the same problem. Instead of renting out a banquet venue, we rented out a Chinese/Vietnamese restaurant. It doesn't look pretty and lacks the modern touch but draping of fabric and decor will do the trick.

They are also serving food family style. And we actually found it cheaper to feed our guests this way. Our reception cost will be $18k and we're feeding 300 ppl. Not to mention, the food is majority seafood!

I suggest finding a restaurant that will fit your guest list.

And have "asian" inspired favors. We're doing scented wooden fans with our names.

Another idea for favors, since your FH is viet, they have "lee Ce/Ang pow" which is the red envelopes for good luck, perhaps you can fill them with flower seeds and attach a hand written note "let love grow"

(That was our idea but we're gonna pass to you! )

Hope it helps

We've cut the guest list to just include family and a few mutual friends/bridal party, and we are still at about 250 guests. FH has a huge family.

I'm really trying to have Asian food. The only reservation I have with having the typical Chinese/Vietnamese catering is that I have some family members who are picky eaters that I know won't eat what is traditionally served. FH and I came up with a compromise for an Asian-fusion dinner served family style with a few Vietnamese apps during cocktail hour. I've been researching and contacting caterers for over 2 months. Every time I think I've found one who can execute this, they are either over our budget or FH isn't impressed by them.

We are planning on doing fried rice in Chinese take out containers as a favor, but I do really love the red envelope idea! Especially since we will be getting married the weekend of Chinese New Year. Thanks for the suggestions!

FWIW, we are located in Dallas.

Do you think you could do the fusion yourself, and have two reasonably priced caterers (or restaurant) that provide different elements of your dinner?

It might be a case of too many cooks in one kitchen, but it could also be that one caterer does a cocktail hour, and the other does the more formal dinner?

Don't get me wrong, but the fried rice idea is kinda weird. I wouldn't want actual food, maybe fortune cookies or something but not actual food. But I really like the Chinese take out idea. Fill it with a mixtu of Asian and American candies! Hit up your local Asian market and I'm sure you'll find something!

My favorite is the sour sop candy, it's in a green bag!

Every Viet wedding I've been to has served fried rice as one of the courses, so our idea has been to serve it in the box as a late night snack. They could either eat it there or take it home as a favor.

Many years ago, I officiated a wedding that was Cambodian/Vietnamese. The bridesmaids wore red and there was a musician drumming on a long log. The ceremony was typical American-style and I don't know what happened at the reception.

Sounds like your FH needs to GET impressed by those caterers or else cut the guest list on his side. Can't have your cake and eat it too.

Sounds like this thread is going in the direction of food, but have you looked into having the reception at a restaurant? I know that is common in East Asian culture in the U.S.

Also, I would like you to clarify the whole white-washing bit. An American ceremony is very "white." It also sounds like your FI is particular about what Vietnamese traditions to include.

I'm a Vietnamese adoptee, so I am also doing a bit of research. I'm not doing the full fledged traditional tea ceremony in either of my mom's house, but I am going to serve tea during the ceremony (which will be Western). I may include some dragon and phoenix symbolism in the form of origami if I can pull it off. Red and gold are common Vietnamese wedding colors. There was a post several years ago how it is common at Vietnamese receptions for the the bride and groom to take a picture with each of their guest units and give them a copy of that as a thank you. Not sure if I'll do it, but that's also an idea that you and your FI could do.