Blended family ceremony

Honestly, I think this needs to be done very, very carefully with full consideration of what he is promising.

I usually do sand or family candles, and I do it after the vows, but a recent disussion with Stephanie, on here, has made me totally rethink the ramifications of this.

Celia, what happened?? That sounds like something went very wrong.

FH is getting my son a gift, and we're doing a unity ceremony and including my son.

We are blending two families together, 2 kids each. We've really focused on including them in the planning process. For the ceremony we are actually going to light trees (christmas wedding) together. 4, 1for each kid and 1 main one to show the joining. They will be white light strung already and not on and then each kid will just drap colored lights across the center and then we will take them and wrap them one time around our tree. And then light them. I feel like including them in the process is enough. We aren't going the ring and present route, it's not something I feel comfortable with.

My blended families usually perform their unity ceremonies right after Bride and Groom exchange rings. Blending sand or glass lend themselves well to family unity ceremonies. The symbolism is spot on and the actual containers can be handled by smaller hands. Best wishes!

My 2 sons are escorting me down the aisle, and we are considering a family sand ceremony.

This is an UO, for sure.

Your wedding is a ceremony that celebrates the union of two people; emotionally for sure, but legally too. Unless one of you is legally adopting the other's children, your relationship with those children is discretionary. (This is not to dismiss stepparenting at all; it is an intensely difficult "job' in many cases, and along road to harmony.) What happens if, well, something happens and that marriage dissolves after the child has been promised companionship 'forever'? It's not something anyone wants to think of, but of course, it's a possibility.

The other thing is language that is used for 'blended families' can be dismissive of the child's biological family, even unintentionally.

As I said, I'm still exploring this with my own writing.....I've never been a fan of public vows to children. Though I've included it many times for some of my couples who feel that they want to do it; it's their ceremony, not mine.

i just think it warrants a lot of thought; not so much when we're talking about a bride or groom's own children escorting them (that happens all the time) but when we're talking about well intentioned promises to children in public.

I hope that makes sense, and again, I'm not denegrating step parents at all.

Celia, that's such a good point!! Vows to children mean so much to them, but if something happens and those "vows" are broken, it leaves emotional pain. Children don't easily forget broken promises. Also biological parents could be upset, or feel the new step parent is over stepping bounds.

We discussed FH saying something to my son, but he said he'd rather that be private between the family, not public at our ceremony.

This is something that, as Celia mentioned should definitely be discussed and make sure the best decision for the family is made.

I'm a college professor and just finished grading a batch of papers focused on the role of communication within families. Out of 24 papers, three students wrote about their long-term abandonment issues related to divorce and/or biological & step parents leaving them.... For two the abandonment happened 20+ years ago, for another when they were in high school. I hadn't really thought about unity ceremonies and how that might play out, but I'd definitely think long and hard about it.

Good point Celia! In my case, FH is legally adopting (soon to be) our sons, a decision that wasn't made lightly. But I could see how this could impact a child if the step-parent wasn't able to uphold their 'vow' to the child due to divorce or some other factor. I wonder how much the age of the child plays a factor?

So, I’m having a hard time with this one because I really want to do something special to include our daughter in the wedding ceremony. I’m thinking a sand blending or something along those lines. My fiancé and I get along very well with my daughters biological father and her stepmother, you could say that we’re all best friends. They're actually both going to be in our wedding party. My fiancé and her stepmother have been in my daughters life since she was about 6 months old and has called them mom and dad her entire life (She’s 5 now). In mine and bio dads opinion, they ARE both just as much her parents as myself or him. I would really like to do separate vows and a necklace or some small token, but I worry about it coming off as trying to isolate my daughter into just our family instead of honoring the one big family that we are. The wording of it is incredibly tricky to get around unless I maybe find a way to include the father and stepmother as well.