Black Tie Wedding?

It’s ok to inform your guests on the invitation that it’s black tie. As a guest, I would appreciate it because I would feel funny if I arrived underdressed. By stating the dress code, you give people the option to decline if in fact they cannot afford to dress that way. If you think you have quite a few guests who cannot afford black tie attire, you could change it to formal. This gives a little more flexibility.

Are you actually having a black tie wedding? Expecting black tie attire means the level of hosting meets black tie requirements. Valet parking, white glove service, top shelf open bar, multi course plated meal, passed appetizers during cocktail hour, etc. If you're doing all those things, you can list black tie on the invitation. If not, I'd ask for cocktail or formal attire instead.

Can you just say "black tie preferred " what if someone doesn't have anything that works for black tie? Do you expect them to go out and rent tuxs and buy formal evening gowns?

My husband also hesitated to make our wedding black tie even though all of his friends owned tuxes. So we used my regional term "black tie optional" (over "formal"), and we instructed family to come in tuxes for family pics. Our guests came in a mix of tuxes and dark suits, most ladies in floor-length gowns. The photographer will take more pics of those in tuxes and gowns.

There are many, many rules to black-tie down to invitation style and ceremony time, so I would brush up on those if you do go "black tie". Correct me if I'm wrong, did you say your reception is a barn? If so, will floor-length dresses or your dress get snagged on flooring, wooden elements? In any event, guests will choose to dress how they are comfortable. I personally, think it is harder for a woman to decide attire versus men who can rent a cookie cutter tuxedo. Best wishes!

BTW, requesting black tie isn't rude. That's silly. I assume they've never been invited to an event like that.

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I like this advice. A black tie wedding has a very precise set of rules that make it a black tie wedding. The event starts no later than 5 PM, sometimes with the ceremony starting around 2. Invites are usually done by hand by a calligrapher. The venue is upscale or very formal. There is a valet service for not only parking but also for entrance, as you don't want your guests to walk far. Cocktail hour is very heavy hors devours, which are passed by wait staff "white glove service". Top Shelf open bar, the Cocktail hour is followed by appetizers and a multi-course plated meal, LOTS of food. I heard of one black-tie wedding where the cocktail hour had so much food people thought that was the meal until the meal service started. There will be a live band instead of a DJ. There are a lot of items that have to be done. If you don't have all these elements, you could put "formal attire" or "cocktail attire", but that also treads the line of being OK or not as adults do not need to be told how to dress, the time the event is being held and the presentation of the invite should give the hint.

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I was going to state the dress code regardless so people know how to dress, I'm just not sure if it's rude or not to request black tie.

Our wedding was a black-tie-worthy event, but we went with "black tie optional" for the dress code. I don't think there's anything wrong with listing "black tie" as the dress code if you're hosting an event that meets the standard, but we didn't want to discourage people from coming just because they couldn't afford to buy/ rent the appropriate attire. Pretty sure a few of our guests wouldn't have worn black tie even if we did list that as the dress code as well (and then that would get back to anyone who didn't come because of the dress code and turn into a whole thing).

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I have definitely checked and double checked black tie etiquette. I've also been to black tie parties before. My reception is in a museum, not a barn, but that would be a good point. I actually think that with my invitees, the women generally already have attire. It's the men I'm more worried about.

I want to do either black tie or formal, not black tie optional. I know if I say optional that everyone will come in suits, so I might as well just say formal. Thanks!

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Yes, I would expect people to rent formalwear. Many of my invitees have attire already, although some would have to rent tuxes. I would rather just downgrade to formal than to do black tie preferred/optional.

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There's actually only one guest that I don't think would follow dress code, but with them it's a toss up between street casual attire and just not showing up. We are prepared to help people with the cost of formalwear rental if they need it. I'm pretty sure any declines would tell us that's why they say no, and we're also encouraging guests to reach out with questions or concerns regarding attire.

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I feel like this is really a know your crowd thing. For instance if I were to try and get the people invited to ours to wear black tie, maybe 10% would. I don't think I'd attend a wedding thays black tie unless they were really good friends. Sounds like your friends may have already attended black tie events or are used to that. Considering your even offering to help cover costs for the clothes it sounds alright. Are the ones against it considering it rude super important people?

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You are right on, women know how to dress! My husband gave his man friends an out, and they did not bother checking the fit of their tuxes to see if it was tight and modern enough to flex their muscles. So some wore suits. These friends are that type that go overseas for bachelor parties, too. I guess my husband really knows his friends, so we did choose right.

You will have a lovely wedding. I would totes wear Creative Black Tie to a museum wedding.

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Wait, then what is formal? Haha. I thought that was tux optional in a different wording. All my life, Chicago events were either black tie or not. Cocktail attire weddings are a rarity.

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It's my understanding that formal is very similar to black tie for women, just no gloves or tiaras. Men don't wear tuxes but instead dark well fitted suits. To me cocktail attire is knee length dresses for women and any color suits for men. Creative black tie/formal is a great idea! I'll add that. https://wowwowmeow.com/blogs/news/whats-the-difference-between-black-tie-formal-attire

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Interestingly, the people who think it's rude to call the wedding black tie will already be dressed in appropriate attire (like my mom and her boyfriend, who own a ball gown and tux, respectively). The "know your crowd" idea is a good point, so I talked to my fiancé again. His friends either have a tux or would have no problem renting a tux, but his extended family would not. Apparently some of them will even have to buy or rent suits. We're probably going to go with creative formal instead because of that (thanks Michelle for the creative suggestion!)

Do not mention “Black Tie” anything unless you have all the elements of a Black Tie event. If you want to guests to dress fancy, say “Formal”

Once again, my wedding will be black tie worthy. I get the etiquette. I understand there is a trend of people requesting black tie to prevent people in casual clothing, but that's not what I'm doing.

This was a decision we grappled with as well. We had all the elements of a black tie wedding (fancy venue, multi-course plated meal, white glove service, live band, open bar with top shelf liquor, valet parking, etc). But we specifically chose NOT to list our attire as black tie because my parents thought it was rude, and they were footing half of the bill for the wedding. We also had a lot of guests travelling to attend our wedding, and many of our friends don't own fancy ballgowns or tuxes, and this fact alone swayed us not to list attire as black tie. I wouldn't say it's rude to have a black tie wedding--but it does verge on inconsiderate if you know you have a significant number of guests who don't own ballgowns and tuxes. If I were in a position where I couldn't afford to rent a ballgown or tux, I wouldn't ever think about approaching the bride or groom to explain my situation; I would simply decline. Black tie weddings work really well if your whole guest list is wealthy. That was not the case for our guest list, so we chose not to do black tie in the end. Best of luck in whatever you decide

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You make some really good points, especially about the travel. We have guests coming from around the US and from other countries and I know firsthand that travelling with a ballgown is a pain.

If people have a problem following black tie dress code despite you offering financial assistance, they can stay home 🤷🏽‍♀️ you're the one coming out of pocket for everything and all you're asking for is people to dress formal. I don't think that qualifies you as a bridezilla🤣