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Just Said Yes December 2022

Black-tie Dinner Questions

Lauren, on January 28, 2022 at 12:46 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 2 10

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My fiancé and I decided to have our wedding as "black-tie preferred". The problem is that we hateeeeee traditional plated wedding food! Surf and turf is never cooked to everyone's preferences no matter how good the chef is. I would love to have multiple stations instead, but can this be done at a black-tie preferred wedding?

For a little more details, our wedding is being held at a private estate oceanside on the cliffs in Laguna Beach. We have shuttles that will be run all night for our guests. We are having custom draping, florals, tables, chairs and a custom made glass top put over the venues long fountain for our ceremony in order to have it on top of the water in front of the ocean. There will be a string quartet for the ceremony and cocktail hour as well as a 10 piece live band for the reception. Our first dance is to be choreographed with with dry ice and cold sparklers. Our exit is to be with a vintage porsche speedster with cold sparklers for the exit drive. We will have open top shelf bar for the entirety of the event, a champagne tower, champagne wall and butler passed champagne upon venue arrival. We will have private security as well as bathroom attendants. We will have a sommelier, cappuccino and espresso bar and a brick oven that is being brought in for fresh pizza to be displayed late night next to the dance floor along with butler passed drinks at the dance floor. Our invitations are being custom made by a stationer complete with individual hand calligraphy.

Dinner will have wine service and our table scapes are all custom and vintage. I just can't bring myself to have a traditional plated meal. Is this ok???

The menu we were planning is....

Cocktail hour:

1. Passed champagne, oysters & caviar

2. Caprese/ burrata

3. Arancini

Dinner stations

1. Live pasta chef

2. Poke/ceviche station

3. Charcuterie station

4. Live sushi chef/tempura station

5. Seafood/raw bar served in a custom 4 tier ice sculpture topped with a crest of our initials also in ice

6. Live chef carving station with filet mignon & chateaubriand

7. Risotto station

Desert

1. 5 tier custom full floral cake

2. Desert/macaron table

3. Gelato cart

Drinks

1. Sommier wine tasting

2. Open top shelf bar

3. Champagne tower & floral champagne wall

4. Wine table service with dinner

5. Cappuccino/espresso station

6. Whiskey and cigar bar

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Sloane, on January 29, 2022 at 12:40 PM

Champion November 2054
Jacks · on January 28, 2022 at 1:10 AM
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Your event does meet the criteria for black tie. The only thing missing would be white glove plated service, which is the crux of your (very good) question. I guess it's a know your crowd thing. I would think for women in long gowns getting up frequently and carrying plates etc. is not ideal. I would probably lean toward the plated meal, but that's me.
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Expert July 2022
Elmarose · on January 28, 2022 at 1:40 AM
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This can totally be done for a black tie wedding. That is exactly how our wedding is going to be 😊 It's going to be black tie for apparel and have different stations. Our wedding coordinator has been very helpful with easing this transition. Although our stations will include suited up servers helping our guest and passing around any appetizers during dinner. I have also tailored plates prepared and be brought to accommodate our elderly and any special accommodations which we have asked in advance from our guests. I have gone to black tie weddings with multiple stations and I personally loved being able to get up in my long dress and walk around in it rather than sitting down for a long time. Plus it allows guest to interact with one another given that there will be plenty of sitting in toast, dances, and any traditions you may have. Best wishes 💕
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Super May 2019
KYLIE · on January 28, 2022 at 12:01 PM
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Your wedding sounds so incredible and fancy!! Your stations menu and concept sounds delicious but if there’s any constructive criticism I could offer it’s that it seems a little unbalanced? Three apps seems a little short for cocktail hour and some of the dinner stations read more cocktail hour/appetizer than dinner? Thinking specifically 2-4. I’d consider going back to your caterer and adding those to cocktail hour and more substantive stations for dinner. Either way, it sounds amazing!! Champagne floral wall?? SWOON!
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Just Said Yes December 2022
Lauren · on January 28, 2022 at 12:49 PM
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Hey Kylie,

Thanks for the feedback! We’re still a year out so our menu isn’t set in stone. Those are just the stations that we told our planner we would like. I definitely see what you mean though about needing more appetizers. Which ones would you move?
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Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on January 28, 2022 at 12:57 PM
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Oh, THIS! I think this answer is perfect.

A lot of the stations sound like what I’m used to for cocktail hour at east coast/NY black tie events (and then there’s a plated meal…and yes it is way too much food haha) but I also know that the west coast seems to view cocktail hour a bit differently (like more realistically, haha, a few apps so you’re still hungry for the meal!) ….but I do think there is a place to land that is somewhere in the middle. I think charcuterie belongs at cocktail hour not on my dinner plate, and dinner should involve another something in the big protein department , but this definitely sounds like a tasty list !!
The ONE thing /flaw /caution for this type of meal is time. Stations are popular here for cocktail hour because with everyone up and mingling, it doesn’t matter that people are eating at different times. When it’s dinner though, there’s the expectation/ appeal to be sitting and eating with your table mates. With so many live-action stations, I could see most of a table eating with someone still up waiting for their pasta — so, something to think about. It will probably also make the dinner portion of the party take longer , so consider your timeline. Could be fun if that’s the vibe you’re going for, but a challenge if you’re looking for the dance party
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Just Said Yes December 2022
Lauren · on January 28, 2022 at 1:04 PM
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Thanks for the feedback! We were a little concerned about the timing but because of the package we booked we actually get 2 extra hours for the event and get 6 hours total for the reception so hopefully even if dinner takes longer it won’t be too much of a problem.

Definitely agree with the moving charcuterie to cocktail hour. Is there a specific additional protein section you would recommend? The difficulty I’m having is finding things that will go well together and not just seem like a brunch buffet.
But on the other hand, especially on the west coast it’s so hard to accommodate everyone’s dietary restrictions (vegetarian/vegan/gluten free) for a plated meal. We’re also just so afraid of not liking the food with a traditional white glove served plated meal. After spending so much on the wedding we want to really enjoy the food. (Food and drinks were really the only thing FH has an opinion about LOL)
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Super October 2022
Jessi · on January 28, 2022 at 1:10 PM
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I know very little about black-tie events, but for another protein could you do something like chicken or turkey? Even pork might be good but I know some people don't eat that so the other two might be better. I'm just seeing a ton of seafood on your menu, and your guests might totally like that so it might not be a problem, but I know that would be an issue for our crowd.
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Super May 2019
KYLIE · on January 28, 2022 at 3:36 PM
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I totally feel you! I’ve had so many meh plated meals and love the interactivity and freshness of stations! I’d move the charcuterie, raw bar and sushi to cocktail hour and add another non-beef protein station (maybe something hot with Asian flavors to play well with the seafood—duck or chicken?). With my crowd, I’d also want a potato as a non-pasta starch (mashed potato martini action stations are super popular), but the thing I think is most missing is some kind of vegetable to round things out. Made to order Caesar salads? Cold grilled vegetables with the charcuterie? Maybe stir fried vegetables.
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Just Said Yes December 2022
Lauren · on January 28, 2022 at 9:54 PM
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Thank you! Those are really good ideas! I love the idea of asian flavors/stir fried vegetables
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Super May 2022
Sloane · on January 29, 2022 at 12:40 PM
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Totally ok to defy tradition meal wise. Your wedding sound spectacular!
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