Billing Guest for Missing the Wedding

(I read this story on The Huffington Post)

Though I would never do this, since it is really tacky to bill a guest, it's pretty tempting. Has I've heard on here this happens a lot where a guest just doesn't show up after RSVPing "Yes" to a wedding and can cost upwards to $1000 of the bride and grooms money. Most of the time the reasoning is justified that the guests were not able to show (like in this case - even though one of the parents could have still gone IMO), but other times there is no reason for the absence. Guests need to realize that by doing this they aren't respecting the fact that this is costing someone money.

Like I said I would NEVER do this, but it's tempting. I have a feeling that the bride and groom purely did this for the principle of the matter.

I agree Sue. While I would never send a bill, I saw the interview on TV with the couple and they were like, "Well, I guess we could have called"Well yes, you could have; that would have taken, what, one minute? Or one of you could have gone. Or you could have had a backup plan just in case, if it was really important. Or you could have said no to begin with.

A wedding is not "let's go to the movies" "Oh, I'm sorry I can't go" at the last minute. It costs a fortune to put on a wedding (and no matter what it exactly costs, it's a fortune to the couple) and in most cases the guest list has been culled to the exclusion of other people who could have come.

And yes, believe it or not, in NYC-like areas, it CAN be upwards of 1000.00.

I hope they sent her a whopper of a gift.

I can totally understand the temptation. 1) This person RSVPd "yes" and then didn't show. 2) Emotions are high when you're planning a wedding. 3) It feels like this person is blatantly wasting your money by saying they'll come and then not showing. I would NEVER do this, but the temptation is there (as you said). I have just never heard of someone who actually was ballsy enough to bill a no-show guest.

I totally agree! I think some people have such a hard time just saying "no"... It's like they think not showing up will be less hurtful than just saying they can't go.

If you don't think you can go just say no.

I had a total of 13 of these type of people not show up with no explanation. One of which was my neighbor and his wife who still haven't made their way over to apologize and one who added her daughter who was not even invited to the RSVP card. Although our wedding was wonderful without them I can't even imagine how they as adults can justify their actions without even sending a card, text or phone call. It's driving me crazy and it's very tempting not to send them each a bill. It happens at every wedding but its still very tacky and IMO my relationship with these people will never be the same.

If we had no-shows, we never even noticed! I suppose if I had a plated dinner, or set seating, we might have noticed, but honestly, I could not have been less aware on who was not there. I was focused on who WAS there. I would never ever think to send anyone a bill for being a no show - life happens and sometimes we can't make it. A note from the couple would suffice, and that would be the end for me.

It was a total of $800 washed down the toilet for their absences.

My question to the bride and groom is what are you gonna do if they don't pay the bill? Sue? Yeah file that under frivolous lawsuits.

Maybe circulating this story will make at least one person RSVP "no" to a wedding they don't intend to attend...and the world will be a little bit better of a place.

Very true Staci.

While I would NEVER do this..i had a total of 17 people NOT show at my wedding a few weeks ago. It was not only heart breaking (as most were my husband's friends/family) but it made me so terribly mad that they would say yes and then can't come because of excuses like "i didn't have gas money" when they were so excited the entire time to come! Although we had a blast with the guests who were there, these people sure missed out and made me so angry! I hope that this story makes people think about checking YES to that RSVP.

This made international news! I read it on an Israeli site (in Hebrew, can't find the link anyway). Here there is a thing called a "reserve" where the venue automatically provides X% (usually 15%) more food than the amount of people you've told them are coming because Israel is casual and sometimes people unexpectedly show up or you invite more people at the last minute. So when you give your final count to the venue you tell them 10% less than the real amount of people so that your reserve covers everybody plus a bit extra (just in case). Maybe American venues should start doing it too, it seems like a lot of people here have had many no-shows!

No-shows are a serious thing. While I wouldn't send a bill to the 20 people (out of 100 accepts) that did come to the wedding, it was still upsetting. And its not even about the money, though it would have been nice to save that several hundred dollars. There were so many people we cut from our guest list in the interest of space and as it turned out there was more than enough space. Had we known at the beginning that half of our guest list would either decline (which sucks, but I can't be mad at) or no-show, we would have invited more people to begin with.

Hopefully as Staci said, this sheds some light on how important it is to RSVP and then to do everything possible to either or attend or not based on your answer.

It's difficult because often you are RSVPing to an event a month or two prior to the event. A lot of things can happen to keep you from going.

However, the only time I think I'd miss a prepaid event like this if I were really sick. And in that case, FH would be going without me and I'd definitely be calling to let them know and apologize and still send a gift.

Definitely a difficult situation. As Nicole said, you are RSVPing a month or two in advance. Things happen. But proper etiquette would be to contact the host and let them know that due to circumstances beyond your control, you will have to miss but one of our party would still be attending.

I agree that these guests could have possibly made other arrangements, or - at the very least - one of them could have tried to attend instead of both of them not showing up. I really do hope that this article makes people think twice before RSVPing "yes" if there's a chance they might not be able to make it. I understand things come up, but to be a no-show with no apology or explanation is unacceptable. Some people don't seem to understand the money and planning that go into a wedding. They think it's just a party and no one will notice if they don't come. Personally, I would never bill no-show guests, but it sounds tempting - especially when they're rude and don't even apologize for blowing off your wedding.

I think billing the guest is tacky and a sure way of losing a friend.

I think this was very tacky- but I was tempted to post something about this story on FB aimed at my cousin who was not only a no show to the wedding- but still hasn't said anything about it. It's the fact that she hasn't said anything that still gets to me. My other cousin told me the day before that she wasn't coming- missing cousin had know for about a week or so- I could have canceled her meal. Even just a FB message after- sorry I had to miss it- family drama blah blah blah. I would have been fine with it- if she just said something- now its gonna be awkward.

Yep...I read the story on some news site. I was most interested in seeing the invoice (because it was so damned unbelievable). I saw it and was horrified. The idea of sending a bill to a guest who RSVPed with an acceptance and experienced a last minute screw up (the babysitter bailed) seems grotesque to me. It's a wedding. Yes, I know that every plate costs money, but sending a bill? Ridiculous. Bitch to your friends, but don't bill the couple. I can't get my head around it. We had four people who RSVPed "yes" to our wedding and didn't show up. One couple were having a fight that was bad enough to keep them from play acting happiness at our wedding (my husband called and asked if they had forgotten about the wedding -- they hadn't...but what an excuse, lol), and the other couple, an attorney and her fiance, just didn't show up. I never heard from them again. Was I irritated? Yes, for about five minutes. Then I looked at the room full of people who did show up, and told myself that four plates of food didn't really affect the amount of money spent on this wedding, and money was not something I wanted to think about anyway. After all, it was our wedding day.

I can't believe anyone would do this. I saw a similar story where someone charged for a kid missing a birthday party. No shows suck but sometimes things happen. I do think you should let someone know as soon as possible, hopefully before the event, but if not before an apology is needed as soon after the event as you can manage.