bil Upcoming Wedding

After nine long years, my thought would be that the brother is trying to break the ice by making contact again. It's not clear if he's avoiding you and your children or just taking things one step at a time. It's also not clear if he's inviting only your H to the wedding or he's just very clueless and assumes you know you are invited. I think your H should clarify with his brother whether you were meant to be included.

9 years is a long time to not have contact. I'm assuming things happened that led to that so this situation is probably far more layered than anyone here could understand. Do I think you should have been listed by name? Sure. If RSVPs are due so soon, it sounds like your BIL wasn't even sure he was going to invite you two. If your husband wants you and him to attend, he should simply reach out to his brother for clarification on who is invited.

Your husband should clarify who is invited to the wedding. If you're not included, then yes that would be very rude.

However, I do feel like there must be a huge backstory here.

9 yrs ago he took me off FB. When I qurstioned it. DH told me BIL gf found out I was friends with BIL ex gf. Which my FB is private. She went under his and saw my page. When I went up to him to see what was the issue cause meeting her 1 time I didn't disrespect her. So due to my friendship was the caused of his disappearence. 3 yrs later I didn't even bother sending a wedding invite cause what was the point. He didn't talk to us that long and my friend aka his ex was in my wedding and helping me planned.

Here we are 9 yrs later. 5.5 married and now 3 kids. He is even Godfather to ODS which hurt me cause ODS did his communion and confirmation and he was suppose to be there in those steps. Oct he saw me with my kids and my kids dont remember who he is. He send a text to DH and said MS saw him directly and didnt even recongized him as a uncle. Since then He's been calling DH more but nothing else.

IDK if the invite is toward us both or just toward DH. He still haven't told me anything about it.

It's a texted last-minute invite after many years. Clearly there are more issues than etiquette. If your spouse is interested in attending, he should call his brother to confirm there are two (2) seats for both of you. Reunion is accepting the person as they are now, and you are family. I understand you have your own conflicts, but your feelings should not supersede your husband who is the brother. Let him take the lead.

He still haven't told me anything about the wedding invite via text. I find it odd

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I find a wedding invite via text rude to begin with, without even considering that's it's only addressed to your husband. Have you asked your husband about it? Maybe he's ignoring it and has no intention of responding or going.

I think I would be questioning why your husband hasn’t told you he received the invite. I am assuming if he is withholding that information from you, then he does not plan to attend. In which case, all of this is moot. It sounds like a lot of petty drama lead to this very tumultuous relationship. I wouldn’t add to the drama by making a big deal out of an invite that your husband doesn’t appear to be accepting (or even telling you about). I would just give the benefit of the doubt that the invite was supposed to include you both, and move on. It sounds like there is going to have to be a lot of forgiveness and effort made by both sides if your husband and BIL are to repair their relationship. And if BIL’s fiancé is going to cling to petty jealousy about an ex from years ago, then that relationship may only include your husband and BIL for now. I would try to support your hubby as much as possible during the initial mending of the relationship.

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This is great advice!

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Yes I agree. I am just making out he hasn't told me cause he intentions are not attending. So why bring something up if you aren't planning to go. I'm just making it out BIL just send it to him just out of curisty cause that's his brother.

View Quoted Comment That sounds like a healthy viewpoint!