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Just Said Yes October 2018

Big Wedding, Elope, or Both?

Jane, on March 7, 2016 at 5:23 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

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My fiance and I have been going back and forth with this, and he says he's happy with whatever I'd like to do. I can't decide between a big wedding or eloping. Any wedding would be big do to our family sizes, so a small one isn't optional. I love both- the close intimate aspect of eloping, and the ability to share my love publicly with my family. I'm just afraid of choosing one and regretting it- eloping and regretting missing out on the party, the dress, the celebration, etc., or having the big wedding and wishing for the stress-free intimacy (and privacy) of an elopement. I've also considered eloping, and having a big "wedding" (for lack of a better word) later, but I don't know if anyone would take it seriously or even come. I wouldn't want them to think it was a gift-grab. I would like the special, private ceremony with my partner, but I'd also love to say my vows in front of my loved ones. I really just don't know what to do.

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Joella, on March 7, 2016 at 7:16 PM

Master March 2017
bellamae · on March 7, 2016 at 5:29 PM
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There are pros and cons to both. The only people that can answer that are you and your FH.
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Master September 2015
Kelli · on March 7, 2016 at 5:37 PM
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I attended a wedding reception in October at a winery. The wedding was held a short while before the reception with just family and close friends. Could you do something like that? Just include parents, grandparents, and siblings?
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Beginner April 2017
Stephanie · on March 7, 2016 at 5:48 PM
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I'm having the same struggle. I'd like the intimacy of eloping but I like declaring our love for each other in front of family and friends.
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Celia Milton · on March 7, 2016 at 6:06 PM
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there are plenty of lovely choices in the middle; 50 ish or less people in a great restaurant with a wonderful ceremony.

Everyone can cut their list; parents, sibilings, grandparents and your closest friends. Problem solved.
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Devoted March 2016
JessBaran · on March 7, 2016 at 6:08 PM
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I considered eloping and I definitely didn't want a big wedding. Now, less than 2 weeks from my wedding I am totally wishing we would've eloped. Go with your gut, don't let people talk you into something that you don't want. Everyone should respect your wishes, and I don't think there is anything wrong with doing a reception afterwards. Your family and friends will want to celebrate with you and not think it is just for gifts.
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VIP November 2016
MissMtoMrsC · on March 7, 2016 at 6:09 PM
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We are getting married in Vegas and having a reception when we come home best of both worlds
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Devoted October 2016
Heather · on March 7, 2016 at 6:12 PM
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We're having a rather large wedding and honestly, I wouldn't want it any other way!
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Super July 2016
Salisbride · on March 7, 2016 at 6:39 PM
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Personally, I'm happy that I chose to have a large wedding. But I think if you're doubting it, you should seriously consider eloping and take some time to decide. If you lurk on this forum for a while you will see many brides who regret planning a big wedding. I can't remember seeing anyone really regret eloping.

I do think your guests might take a vow renewal party less seriously. Since you're looking at 2018, just take some time to think it through now and decide what size wedding is for you. It may not be impossible to have a medium size wedding. I have a big family too and haven't been invited to every cousin's wedding. We are still close and I don't hold it against them, weddings are expensive and some people have to limit it to parents and grandparents.
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Master July 2015
annakay511 · on March 7, 2016 at 7:08 PM
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Personally, I couldn't imagine celebrating my wedding day with all of our family and friends. But this is only something that you and your FH can decide!

Please change your avatar to something other than the rings. They are associated with spam/trolls!
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Devoted September 2016
Joella · on March 7, 2016 at 7:16 PM
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Both. We already had our wedding date picked out for our destination wedding. I didn't want to be legally married in the state our big wedding is being held, so half way through the planning we decided to elope at home on our wedding date last year. It was nice, small and personal. We had cute superman cake and just went to brunch with our immediate family and a few friends. We didn't exchange rings for this ceremony because we wanted to save that for our big wedding this year. I'm excited for our big wedding because many of our family and friends will be there this time and it will be more personal because a mutual friend is going to be our officiant.

I say do what you feel is best for you and your FH. If you decide to elope and then have a big celebration people who love you and are happy for you will still come to celebrate with you and FH. If you decide to go just small or just have a big one that is fine too. In the end it's all about the love and union between you and your FH.
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