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Just Said Yes October 2020

Big or Small Wedding? - Seeking advice!

mbride25, on April 9, 2020 at 10:33 AM Posted in Planning 0 8

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My FH and I planned our wedding for October 3rd and we were about to send save the dates when COVID-19 really hit the US. We are debating making our wedding the same day with just close family and friends (20-30 people) so we don't have to spend the next few months worrying and wondering what will happen. We've spent $3000 so far, but if we stop now and go small, we'll likely save $9,000 that we can put towards a honeymoon (someday when we can travel again!) or a downpayment on our first house. I'm a total type A planner and this has been so stressful (including helping my FH's sister reschedule her wedding to the weekend before ours). Those who have gotten married already, do you feel that we would be missing out on a monumental moment in our lives of the "dream wedding" by making it small and more casual?

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Amy, on April 14, 2020 at 11:20 AM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on April 9, 2020 at 11:37 AM
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If those 30 people you have in mind are the ones that you want at the wedding or care most about having there, then i think that's fine! i had a giant wedding of 250 people and there are certainly pros and cons. it was nice seeing how many people come out and celebrate with you but it cost a lot of money and having a smaller wedding meant i could much more easily interact with everyone
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Dedicated May 2020
Dana · on April 9, 2020 at 1:25 PM
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I haven't gotten married yet, but when we were planning our original wedding FH and I actually did talk about how much we were spending on the wedding and how we could have an amazing honeymoon for part of that cost. With the coronavirus, we've ended up changing our plans to going go to the courthouse and host a celebration of our marriage dinner or brunch later in the year when things calm down.
We originally planned a small wedding, but it grew in size and scope (as weddings seem to). There's something to be said for having the extra $$$ for a honeymoon, or a house, or anything else you could use it for. And I'm a planner too, and now that we're just planning on the courthouse instead of our original wedding ceremony and reception, it is a lot less stress.
I think it in the end it really depends on you and your FH. I don't like to be the center of attention, and FH was married before so changing it to something smaller didn't matter to us as much as it might to others, but YMMV. I'd also consider the people you are planning to invite to each one. Are there guests in the 250 that you were pressured to invite? (we were getting some of that). As Melle said, are the 30 the ones you care most about having there? Or would you want others there too?
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Just Said Yes October 2020
mbride25 · on April 9, 2020 at 2:24 PM
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Thank you Dana and Melle! The 30 people are the ones we’d plan spend 8am-5pm with on the day of the wedding (bridal party and immediate family). I think the reception is more for the larger group and is where the largest wedding costs come in. I’ve heard that those hours go by so fast too! (It’s hard not rethink things once you realize it averages to about $1000 an hour for the day 😅) I still think that it would be really fun to have a big reception, but we might plan for a larger celebration in a year or so once things calm down.
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Dedicated May 2020
Dana · on April 9, 2020 at 2:45 PM
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You're welcome! A larger celebration later down the road would be lovely if that's what you guys decide to do. And I'm sure you'll enjoy however you decide to spend your special day
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Master October 2019
Meghan · on April 9, 2020 at 6:02 PM
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This is a tough call. We had a 100 person wedding, which was actually larger than I initially wanted. However, when it was all said and done, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Saving the money is obviously great, but your wedding is (hopefully) a once in a lifetime dream day. Could you keep your guest list small but still have the same style/monumental wedding you’ve been planning?
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Super February 2020
Andrea · on April 10, 2020 at 11:01 PM
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I had a micro wedding and it was perfect. My mom and MIL actually liked that it was informal and casual, we didn’t even have a rehearsal. We arrived and the officiant told us where to stand when we got there!
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Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on April 12, 2020 at 1:21 AM
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Hey girl,
I got your back! LOL. Previously married (Big Wedding), engaged and having an intimate wedding this upcoming October (max 25-30 guests).
My first wedding was just absolutely stressful to me and I felt like I didn't get to enjoy it like I wanted. There were things I skimped on (DIY) I shouldn't have done otherwise and just hired the professionals to do so that I could enjoy my day, so that's what I'm doing this time. Also I felt like with the large wedding I didn't have time to truly spend and enjoy with those I care about the most.
My FH's family is quite small, and we really just want our immediate families and close friends there with less formalities/traditions interfering with our time. At the end of the night, is it worth having a receiving line to greet 100+ guests or would you rather spend time with 20-30 people and really have conversations?
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WeddingWire Administrator August 2013
Amy · on April 14, 2020 at 11:20 AM
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Hi mbride25,
The responses above are very thoughtful, so I hope you found them helpful. Personally, I'm partial to planning a smaller wedding with the people you love the most, as well as saving for something that you'll have for the future. That could be a trip or your first home.
In the end, do whatever feels right for YOU!
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