BFF doesn't want to be in my wedding :/

She's still feeling hurt? Jealous?

I know it may feel disappointing but I am sure she is happy for you all the same. It can be hard to share in someone's joy when you are grieving a relationship that has ended. Don't take it personally and don't hold it against her. She planned to spend her life with someone and had dreams for the future. She may just need time to let those go.

She's hurt. I've been there. Sometimes people deal with their healing in different ways. She can be as much a part of your celebration even if she isn't in it....all you can do is respect her wishes, at least she told you where she was at with it.

And I completely understand where she's coming from, and I know people handle things differently. I'm just really hurt because I feel like I've been there for her and I just wish she could do the same for me. crappy situation.

It's a little early to be asking your BP anyway IMO... Things can change between now and early next year. I'd give it a break, make sure your friend is ok and check with her next year if she'd like to be part of your wedding. If she doesn't, don't be offended. She's obviously going through a tough time.

I told her to let me know if things change.

@jaimeleigh when is a good time to ask the bridal party? We are at 10 months away. Thanks!

Do the two of you usually react to different situations in different ways. It was great of you to be able to put aside your feelings about your divorce when she asked you to be her MOH, but just because you were able to doesn't mean she's capable of compartmentalizing her emotions about marriage right now. Be there for her and respect her wishes.

If you feel like there isn't anyone you'd rather have that spot in your BP than her, keep her spot open. She may still not be up for it in a year, but at least you won't feel like you're replacing her and you would have the option to add her later if her emotional state improves.

My BFF is not going to be in my wedding either. I was her maid of honor but she is really not comfortable in front of all those people. So she will be a guest and will still be important. She helped plan the shower and has helped with lots of diy projects. It was hard at first but I've learned to work through it and be ok. We are still great friends

You don't need to ask your bridal party until late this year or early next year. Perhaps by then, she'll be in a much better place and can happily accept your offer.

Yeah I was thinking about leaving a spot as a bridesmaid open for her because I feel like that place belongs to her but if she doesn't, then I obviously can't force her.

Thanks ladies!

I agree with @Going to the chapel. 6 months is plenty of time. You'd be surprised at how much can change in that time!

Honestly, this is way to early to be asking people to be in your wedding party. I understand that you are hurt, but she is probably devastated right now. I would wait a couple of months and then try asking her again. A lot can change in a few months.

I know you do. But you wouldn't want her to take on that task out of obligation if her heart isn't there. Support comes in different forms, hopefully she rises to the occasion in other ways. Maybe by the time a decision has to be made, she may come around.

I'll also add that my mom's best friend in the entire world was not in her wedding. My "aunt" was going to be pretty far along in her pregnancy on my mom's wedding date, so she decided it was too risky for her to stand up at my mom's wedding. It was her personal choice and my mom respected it and it is something they laugh about today. Being that I call this woman and her husband my aunt and uncle and see them on holidays, it definitely did not hurt their friendship one bit.

I would wait to ask until Jan 2017. That's plenty of time. But if she's not comfortable... Let it go. She may not be ready. Just like if a parent lost a child, it may be hard for them to share joy in a pregnancy. She's grieving a long relationship and needs time

I was on the other side of this. I was a BM in one of my best friend's wedding, and my boyfriend died. I couldn't pull it together in time, and the bride was less than understanding. Our friendship ended for a year and a half over it, but we're better now. Your friend has a broken heart, and you should try to be as sensitive to that as possible. Weddings are tough enough for single people, and even more so for tragically recent singles.

I wouldn't want to be a part of someone's wedding if my heart was broken, either. If the idea of weddings makes her hurt inside, try to respect that, and realize it's truly not about you and your wedding, it's about not rubbing salt into her own wounds. She needs to heal on her own terms, don't take it personally.

One of my best friends isn't able to be in my wedding. Her reasons are she can't afford it and she doesn't have the time to invest in it. And honestly it's true. I know she is seriously strapped for cash and I offered to even pay for everything but it made her feel awkward. So I asked her to be an honorary bridesmaid and hang out with me while I am getting ready and allow me to vent my frustrations when need be. I know this is a much different situation for you but maybe offer for her to be as involved in the wedding as she feels comfortable with.

I would also maybe give her some more time and see if she is more open to it later. There is still plenty of time to pick the wedding party and maybe she will be in a better place in a few months:

Hey! At least she talked to you about it.

Be gracious; understand it's her, not you, and she's freshly wounded. Let her graciously decline, and don't be hurt....her intention is not to hurt you.