Beyond Pissed.....

No one did anything wrong because a bridesmaid is not an actual maid (as in hired help). It’s a shortened term for maiden (unmarried young woman). A bridesmaid has no obligations beyond buying a dress and showing up at the rehearsal and wedding day as support. Planning is solely the responsibility of you and your partner. Any work beyond that is for your actual hired vendors.


Is there a reason why you can’t rehearse before the wedding day (the night before) so that things are not rushed? That timeline is way too packed and doesn’t allow for people to run late or snafus that will be unavoidable.
Do they know that they need to go get hair/makeup done? Or are they planning to do it themselves?

Bridesmaids are not required to help you prepare prewedding events or plan the wedding. That’s your job. I get that it’s nice to have, but they haven’t done anything wrong. When did you let them know about the scheduling for the day? It sounds from your post like you just told them all a day or so ago but are angry that they didn’t already schedule for it. As long as they show up on time and properly dressed, you don’t get to dictate what they do earlier in the day.


Unrelated to bridesmaids, I would highly encourage an earlier rehearsal. The night before is common for a reason. You need time to walk the whole party through and consider details you might not have thought of or things that just came up.

I think there's too much downtime in your timeline. No one needs 1 full hour to step out of eyesight from even on-time guests. At max, you can push back pictures 2-3pm, rehearse walking/standing for 15-30 minutes, 3-3:30pm, then relax until 4pm ceremony.

This is days before your big day, so actively resolve to only address what you can modify. You can't make your sister be any different. If they show up for pictures, they show up. But if not, who cares?? Only you and your partner matter. Practice letting go of perfection. That just sets yourself up for failure 100% of the time. Best wishes.

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That's not the complete timeline.

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Never said they was supposed to help plan but any event that I have planned for us far as me with my bridesmaid and MOH they have made no effort to attend and anytime I brought up wedding details I would either get ghosted. yall just don't know them like I do. it's always been a fighting battle with my sister cause she has to have things her way or the highway. and I asked one simple thing of her for one day and she can't even come through for that but I promise you is the roles were reversed, it would be hell.

If you knew these ladies had a history of this behavior, they should not have been included as bridesmaids. None of them were ever obligated to be included if you knew this would be an issue.

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Well no, of course not, but what do you need other people for outside of pictures and waiting? If you wanted your bridal party to get ready together then you could have dictated the day if the stylists were on site. But, it seems everyone has to do their own so you just have to leave leeway that people will be late. All you can do is move forward with the resources (and people) you do have.

While I understand being pissed off, I think a lot of this regarding the hair/makeup appointments is on you and your planner. The timeline should've been completed and given to your bridesmaids well in advance rather than just days before the wedding. Your niece and sister had no way of knowing when and where to be without a timeline being provided to them. While I think it should've been common sense not to go to a baseball game before the wedding, your sister probably figured she had plenty of time. Your niece also didn't know when she made her hair/makeup appointment that you were expecting her for photos at 1 PM. You and the planner should've worked this out already. At this point, I think you need to calmly reach out to your niece and see if the hair/makeup appointment can be rescheduled for earlier in the day. I would also find out from your sister if she made a hair/makeup appointment and if so what time. If she didn't, I would again calmly ask her what her plan is to make sure her hair/makeup is done and she will be there for the pictures.

If you’re on the verge of literally firing these very important people in your life, maybe it’s time to let go and just let people be. I don’t see anything they did wrong. Also if you’re having a wedding party event, like the dinner, wouldn’t you be paying for that?


They were never obligated to help with planning. You’ve been around long enough to know that by now.
Good news is you’re getting married soon!! Many congrats in advance! I’m sure your day will be amazing!

The purpose of a bridal dinner is to express appreciation to the bridal party. Giving them a gift and then turning around expecting them to pay for dinner wasn't appropriate. If you couldn't afford to pay for it then you shouldn't have planned this totally optional event in the first place. Likewise, as PPs say, it's not their obligation to help you shop or plan.

I do think it's absurd that they are unwilling to skip a kid's baseball game that morning but some of this is on you if you've only given them the timeline days ahead. If they really were well aware this was meant to be an all day event between photos, getting ready, and rehearsing, then I would have to agree that they are being incredibly inconsiderate.

That said, I'm sure it will all work out.

Oh yikes. I think you need to take a step back and reflect on your actions and expectations. First of all, these girls didn’t need to be present for any of the occasions you are faulting them for not attending. Second, if you hosted a bridal party dinner YOU should have paid. Asking your guests to pay for a meal you hosted was beyond tacky and in poor taste. Third, if you are not providing/paying for your niece’s hair, and never gave her a time before now, then she is not at fault for her appointment time. Fourth, you should be doing a rehearsal before hair and makeup and photos (you want your hair and makeup to be as fresh as possible for photos and ceremony). Your schedule should be rehearsal, hair/makeup, photos, ceremony. This would also give your niece time to arrive for photos. Fifth, your sister should not be expected to put her life events on hold for your wedding. The baseball game is a priority for her, and she has already assured you she will be on time for photos. So there is no issue. I know your wedding is a big deal to you, but I think you need to calm down, take a step back, and adjust your expectations.

The only thing I expect of my bridesmaid is to purchase their dress and shoes and to show up at the appointed time. I do not expect them to help with any sort of planning. And not one of them are people that I have issues with. What I have learned is that people will be people...you either take them or leave them. It's your BIG DAY-not theirs...with that said.. Let it all go so you won't carry those issues and emotions into your BIG day...Be beautiful and Be happy!