Bestman’s Girlfriend

Speaking from my experience (this was before I was married), of my now-husband being the best man at his friend's wedding while I was dating him.

1. No, I was not invited to any bachelor/bachelorette party. This was only for the wedding party or people super close to the bride and groom, which I was not.

2. I WAS invited to the rehearsal dinner.

3. I did not ride with the wedding party to the ceremony. They were doing their own thing beforehand with photos.

4. Obviously did not sit with the wedding party during the ceremony, but yes, I was seated next to my then-boyfriend, now-husband during the reception. As soon as the ceremony was over, he was with me more or less the rest of the night.

Also, if you're dating this person, you're technically not a plus one, but a significant other or partner. I wouldn't expect to be invited to any pre-wedding events (other than the rehearsal dinner) unless you're close friends with the bride. I also wouldn't expect to ride with them to the ceremony. But generally, unless the couple has a head table with wedding party only, I would expect to be seated with him during the reception.

Significant others of the bridal party are not considered part of the bridal party, so they typically do not attend events like bachelor/bachelorette parties or day-of pre-ceremony events. The reception can go either way. Some people opt to have a head table with just the couple and the bridal party. Others will have a king's table, which is the couple, the bridal party, and the bridal party's dates. Others will have a sweetheart table with just the couple and the bridal party are seated at tables like all other guests. The sweetheart table has become the more common of the 3 but people are still known to have one of the other options. Per etiquette, you should be invited, by name, to the wedding. Plus ones are random dates while couples are considered social units. However, people don't always follow proper etiquette.


When is the wedding? Also, it sounds like "I feel like I’m sort of the odd one out, like I don’t belong in their group and I’m having some doubts about our relationship." is the bigger issue here, and you should maybe have a conversation with your boyfriend about how you're feeling. How long have you been together? Is this a new relationship or have you been dating awhile and still feeling like an outsider?

I actually made a post on this forum about this very topic not too long ago. Unfortunately, the plus ones of the wedding party are often overlooked; which can lead to them feeling alone, left out, etc. There seems to be a lack of etiquette rules when it comes to wedding party plus ones, other than they should be invited. They are typically not considered part of the wedding party, and unless they are close friends with the bride or groom they usually are not invited to bachelor/bachelorette parties. As far as riding with the wedding party (I assume the couple is providing a singular form of transportation for the wedding party from the ceremony to the reception), that will depend on whether the couple wants it to be strictly the wedding party, and also how much room is available. Whether you will be seated with him during the reception depends entirely upon the couple. For a while during years past, couples were really into having head tables where only they and their wedding party sat. However, having the wedding party sit with their dates is becoming much more popular these days; especially with the recent popularity of sweetheart tables. I have been in your shoes; attending weddings with groomsmen. If you don’t know anyone else at the wedding, it can be super awkward. I will say, we are going out of our way to ensure all plus ones have a great time and are never left alone at our wedding. Hopefully the couple in question will also take your feelings and experience at their event into consideration. Have you asked your boyfriend these questions? Perhaps he can shed some light on their plans. If it turns out you are going to be alone for the majority of the evening, you could always choose to arrive to the reception later in the evening after the meal- by that time your boyfriend should be finished with his groomsmen duties and will be able to hang with you the rest the night.

A wedding attendant's date is simply a guest at the wedding, unless given an independent role. You are not a part of the wedding party. You should not expect an invite to any pre wedding parties, except the rehearsal dinner, unless you are independently close to the bride or groom. I doubt you'd be riding with the wedding party. I presume they'll be getting ready together, taking photos, and going to the ceremony early.


Where you sit depends on how the couple arranges it. Some couples do a head table where the bridal party sits with the couple, and the dates are seated elsewhere. Many couples do a sweetheart table where the couple sits alone and the bridal party sits with their dates along with the rest of the guests.
For most of the wedding, your boyfriend will be busy with groomsman duties. I imagine it sucks to be the date of a wedding attendant if you won't know a lot of other people there, but that comes with the territory.
When I was a bridesmaid, my day started when I went to get hair and makeup for the wedding. I think I barely saw my then fiance for lunch, then I didn't see him again until I was walking down the aisle and he was sitting in the audience. I then spent cocktail hour busy with photos while he went off on his own.
If you're not comfortable with your boyfriend attending a party with his ex and many mutual friends, then that tells me you don't trust the ex, your bf, or you're insecure, or a combo of all 3.
I think it's healthy for people to have their own social circles, regardless of relationship status. The wedding can be an opportunity for you to get to know your bf's friends better

What would my role be as the bestman’s plus one?

To be a guest who happens to be dating the best man. That's it.

Will I be sitting with him at the reception, or will I be sitting alone?

It depends on the couple. Some newlyweds sit at a sweetheart table and allow their wedding party to sit with their dates. Some have a head table where their wedding party's dates will sit with them. Unfortunately, many have a head table with just their wedding party and their dates sit with the rest of the guests.

Will I be riding with him and the wedding party, or taking my own car?

You will take your own car.

I know I’ll be sitting alone at the ceremony, but I don’t want to be alone for the rest of the evening.

You won't be alone for the entire evening. Once dinner and speeches are over, he shouldn't have any other commitments for the reception.

Are plus ones invited to this event or is it strictly for the wedding party?

I've never been to a bachelor(ette) party where plus ones are invited, however, since they're having a coed party, they may do things differently.

Are plus ones even considered part of the wedding party?

Not at all.

View Quoted Comment Willow we must think alike because I feel like I agree with a lot of comments you make!


Yes, as the best mans girlfriend you are simply another guest at the wedding. Sometimes it can be uncomfortable if you don’t know a ton of people. But since your boyfriend is best man I have to imagine you know at least some of the people going. Put a smile on and make the best of it. We have all been there at some point.
I’m not really seeing the issue with the ex. If you are feeling insecure about that you may need to think about why that is. They are in the same wedding and are obligated to attend the same events.

SO's aren't considered part of the wedding party, so for events like the bachelor/bachelorette party, SO's will not be invited unless the bride and groom extend the invitation! As the best man's girlfriend, you are invited to be a guest which can be awkward and uncomfortable for you. If you're feeling insecure or unsure about anything, then you have to ask yourself why you're feeling this way.

You will most likely have to take your own car to the wedding, but if you are close to anyone else attending, it's possible that you can carpool! That's what I did for all of the weddings my FH was in! When it comes to sitting at the reception, that is entirely up to the bride and groom. Most weddings I've been seated with other friends, or the other SO's of the wedding party. At another, I was seated with the wedding party along with the other SO's. Really after the ceremony and the beginning of the reception, you won't be alone for the rest of the evening!

Try not to take things to heart or too personally when your SO gets to do things with the wedding party without you. He's the best man, so he's obligated to attend events that may not involve you. Have a great time, and if you still have concerns, then bring that up with your SO. I'm sure he'll say the same things that we're all telling you, there's nothing to worry about

Others have pretty much expressed my thoughts, but I just wanted to offer a couple more...

Unless the couple has been cold to you in the past, please don't take it personally. I wanted to include the groomsmen's SOs in my wedding weekend house rental, but that would have put me at 11-12 people and I can't even find a rental for that many people let alone be able to afford it. We did extend invitations to the SOs for the bach weekend, which was combined, but quite honestly there were 2 of them who would have come (neither did). If every person in the party was in a relationship, we would be looking at 26-28 people which is just not possible. These days you can't even find an airbnb that will hold more than 12 (bach party was us and 10 others, some were out of state, some were busy).

I will say I disagree with PP that if your BF is best man, you will probably know someone. Definitely not the case! My FI was best man in his college friend's wedding, I knew no one. Said friend will now be a GM (we are not doing BM/MOH titles) and I know for 100% his wife has never met anyone on our guest list. One of my very close bridesmaids is engaged and I have only met her fiance a couple of times! He will not, to my knowledge, know anyone at our wedding. Sometimes social circles just don't overlap.

If they are having a head table you will most likely sit alone during the reception during dinner, you will have him to dance with after