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Jenna
Super October 2016

Best Man doesn't want to give a speech

Jenna, on October 16, 2016 at 7:40 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 27

Ugh. I know, show up, look handsome, can't demand more. But a BM speech is a pretty standard expectation, and 6 days before the wedding, he doesn't want to, and wants to know exactly how long the rehearsal will take, which FH thinks is because it's his WoW night. We have one other groomsman, due to the other groomsman being away in the army, and he and I have never met, and he hasn't seen FH since they were kids. We're just pretty disgusted because BM has been acting like his role is just an inconvenience. I understand no one will ever be as excited about my wedding as I am, but it still hurts. Groomsman will do the speech, but it's still a disappointment.

27 Comments

Latest activity by MrsA, on October 17, 2016 at 9:38 AM
  • NewlyMrsLachney
    Master September 2017
    NewlyMrsLachney ·
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    Such a bummer!!! Breathe in and out, sister. Is there someone that's close to you guys as a friend that isn't a groomsman that would be better suited for the speech? or maybe BM and groomsman tag team the speech? (if it really is a stage fright type thing?

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  • Jaimee
    Master October 2019
    Jaimee ·
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    That sucks. The person I have in mind to be my MOH has social anxiety and probably ought to do something else than give a speech, which I'm fine with; she wants to be there, which is all that matters.

    I'm not sure what other words to offer than, "that sucks." I think it's pretty stupid he'd want to leave the rehearsal to go play WoW instead; it's not like the damn game is going anywhere.

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  • SarahMarie
    Master May 2016
    SarahMarie ·
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    Public speaking for some is extremely uncomfortable and can cause serious anxiety. Ask another close family member or just do without the speech. It will be ok. Just please don't make your friend feel bad for his choice.

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  • Jenna
    Super October 2016
    Jenna ·
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    I know, I guess I don't need advice, just to complain to people who get it. I've suggested FH's dad could speak, but FH would at least like to have the groomsman speak so he feels less deserted, between this and the coworker friend that'll probably no show

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  • SageTree
    Super July 2017
    SageTree ·
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    I understand the frustration. I just recently went to a wedding and the best man did not give a speech, because he is painfully shy. They had someone else do it. I hope another groomsman comes through for you!!

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  • kai
    Devoted October 2016
    kai ·
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    My dad is the only one giving a toast at our wedding. My MOH was relieved she didn't have to do any public speaking. You FH's BM shouldn't be forced to do something that make him uncomfortable.

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  • Kristin
    Master January 2034
    Kristin ·
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    I'm confused, is this at the rehearsal dinner or the actual wedding he doesn't want to give a speech. If its dinner, I'd let it slide. If its at the actually wedding, I would have your FH talk to him and ask him why. You can't force someone to do something they don't want to do. Hopefully someone else will want to give a speech instead.

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  • Jenna
    Super October 2016
    Jenna ·
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    Reception. He also wants to skip the rehearsal dinner and get the rehearsal itself over as fast as possible, apparently.

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  • Private_User832
    Master August 2017
    Private_User832 ·
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    That's a shame. How about his father or mother instead?

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  • E&M
    VIP September 2017
    E&M ·
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    As someone with social anxiety and a terrible fear of talking in front of crowds, I can understand his position. Although it is a bummer for you... he should have brought it up early on so you didn't have the expectation. My MOH already told me she'd need some liquid courage before she could think about it. My younger brother is my Man of Honor though and is used to giving speeches for work, so I'm guessing they'll either tag team it or he'll end up doing it.

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  • kimmyinjapan
    VIP September 2016
    kimmyinjapan ·
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    Why does he have to do one at all? if someone doesn't want to, they don't have to.

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  • StuckOnYou
    Expert March 2017
    StuckOnYou ·
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    Meh. That sucks. I agree with others on here though - ask someone else to give a speech if you really want one

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  • MrsMelissaP
    VIP January 2017
    MrsMelissaP ·
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    I agree with @sarahmarie. Don't make them feel bad and let them do what they are comfortable with. You'll get over it.

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  • Christinanyc
    Master December 2016
    Christinanyc ·
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    I totally get your frustration. My MOH doesn't want to do a speech either.

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  • Celia Milton
    Celia Milton ·
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    Most people hate to make speeches and frankly, are not very good at it. Most guests don't want to listen to them either.

    It's a perfect match.

    I talk to a lot of BM, and many of them range the gamut from nervous to terrified.

    Just skip it. No one, trust me, will be asking for it.

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  • Hailey
    Expert May 2017
    Hailey ·
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    The last.. probably 5 weddings I've gone to haven't had speeches at all. And unless someone specifically approaches me and asks if they can give one, I probably won't have any.

    Edit: FH was the best man at the one we went to most recently, and he said he had something in mind if anyone asked him to, but no one did, so we ate and danced and went home.

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  • Ms. MRose
    Super April 2017
    Ms. MRose ·
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    One of my bridesmaids will most likely do the speech instead of my MOH since my MOH is my teenage daughter and has zero interest in doing one.

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  • FutureMrsJCG
    Expert November 2016
    FutureMrsJCG ·
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    We aren't doing any speeches

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  • T
    Expert October 2016
    Taylor-brooke ·
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    I didnt ask our BM or MOH because I have social anxiety really bad and would not want to be asked or forced. So I'm not asking anything of them that I would not be ok with doing at their weddings. My mom is going to say a few words I think but that's because she seems to think it's a must have.

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  • KS
    Expert October 2016
    KS ·
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    I wouldn't press it. My dad didn't want to make a speech and I certainly didn't make him. My mom kept telling him he had to but I pulled him aside and told him he didn't have to do anything he didn't want to. He didn't and nobody cared. I'm with him though. Public speaking is the worst.

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