Best Man Deployed Before Wedding

Wow - I feel so bad for the best man, and your situation. The below seems like it may work:

1) shift the groomsmen up and have your fiancée ask another groomsmen to walk down the aisle with the bridesmaid that is standing the furthest from you on your big day - that way your fiancées 6th best friend who didn't make it into the wedding won't all of a sudden be taking the best man role.

2) include the deployed best man (name and 'best man' title) in the wedding pamphlet for your ceremony- you could even put a note next to his name like 'serving our country while you serve us' or something cute like that. Just because he can't physically be there does not mean he shouldn't be counted as your betrothed's best friend!

3) ask your fiancée to consider asking another friend - in addition to the deployed - to be the best man, making 2 best men total. He might feel more comfortable 'leading the charge' for the bachelor party and other groomsmen activities if he better understands his role. Not needed if you'd like to plan things yourselves .

4) call the deployed best man in on skype during the reception where he can give his 'best man' speech, or have him pre- video record his best man speech and play it on a white screen at the reception. (This May or May not be possible based on where he's stationed). This would be a heartwarming gesture, and he'd appreciate feeling included - and the guests would feel the true friendship and love in the room .

All just suggestions - take them or leave them!

My daughter's brother, also a Marine, was deployed to Afghanistan during her wedding, so we had a full size cut out made and had pictures taken with it. We also skyped with him during the wedding. Everybody loved the cut out and were dancing with him and taking pictures.

Love Carole's idea to keep him in the wedding program.

Carole has some great ideas! I have an honorary bridesmaid that lives in Australia, and just began her career, so while she won't be here, I am including her in my planning process, and we are going to skype the wedding ceremony, so she see it. One of my other BMs has some serious health conditions, and they got drastically worse, so she may not be able to make it, and won't know until it arrives. The other is a close friend, but a very poor financial planner, and is just shrugging, assuming she can be there (out of state for her). So i called my aunt (only a few years older), and asked her to fill in as a BM. My aunt had no problem with this, and I'm excited to have her by my side, even if the other 2 girls are able to make it.

TL;DR -- Your FH could explain the situation to a friend/relative and see if they could stand up there with him. You can still have your deploying friend be the best man, and give him an honorary position on your program, if you are having one.

I like how Daria did it, and keeping him in the program is a good idea too. Honestly it come down to what you and your fiancee are comfortable with.

Personally as a member of the military myself, if I deployed and was a maid of honor I'd understand if I was "replaced". This kind of situation just comes with the territory of serving in the military. You have to be flexible, that applies to your private life as well. If you get someone else to fill in I'm sure he will understand. I'd be willing to bet that he feels guilty about the situation and feels like he's letting you guys down. That's how I'd feel, just go with your gut, and remember that communication is key.

Hundreds of examples of this, from bridal party members dying, to starting fire/police academy, to enlisting. I think all those ideas PP have said are good.

Our friends were actually in the same exact situation, and it ended up being really sweet. The best man's wife and infant son stood in for him. They stood on the grooms side. During the reception, they had this big screen where they played a video of him doing his "best man" speech from Afghanistan.

I like what Daria said...I think it would be sweet and fun.

Thanks for the suggestions everyone! I love the idea of having a cardboard cut-out! The Best Man is getting married soon as well so I considered suggesting that his fiancee stand in for him for the ceremony and having him pre-record a speech. My fiance is pretty upset by the news (we just found out last night), so I think once I have a solid few options that I'm comfortable with, I'll show him this thread.

Carole has great suggestions! I would keep him in the bridal party in the program and skype is possible.

Have them stand in the same order, but definitely keep him listed as Best Man in the program and on the wedding website! You can include a note about his deployment in your program too.

My BFF couldn't make it out for the wedding (4 hour flight distance) and so I listed as an honorary Matron of Honor on the program. She still helped as an ear whenever I was picking out wedding stuff, etc.. She was glad to be included!

Oh and we ended up adding videography so my BFF will be able to see the whole event.

My FH was an usher in a wedding and got bumped up to a groomsman because the other groomsman who is a Navy Seal couldn't get leave. All of the groomsman and usher are close friends so there wasn't any hurt feelings between them. It's just what the guys do for each other!