Sabrina
Savvy July 2020

Best Man Catastrophe..

Sabrina, on June 23, 2020 at 12:05 PM Posted in Planning 0 17
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My FH is of course, the sweetest man I’ve ever met. His best man is flying in from California for the wedding. He was going to be in Washington which is were we reside, and are getting married for an entire week. Now that we are a month out from the wedding he is saying that he is going to fly in the day of. The DAY OF! That means no preceding festivities, or rehearsal..I feel terribly because of a multitude of things. The first being that my bridesmaids are going above and beyond with planning things for a bachelorette party getaway, among other things. Meanwhile nobody is planning and bachelor party for my FH because his best man is apparently not that “into it”.... Should I take things into my own hands and try and plan something for him? He says that all he wants is to be by a lake with his guys drinking beer. I was looking for an Airbnb to make this happen. But on such short notice, most are booked. The ones that are left are upwards of 600. It just seems absurd to me that his best man, his childhood best friend is acting this way. Yes they live far apart, but they spend hours talking on phone each week. It just seems weird. I don’t want my FH to be let down. Do I be the saving grace?

17 Comments

Latest activity by Danielle, on June 27, 2020 at 2:16 AM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    Does he just not have the capability of traveling more than once/taking time off work? Couldn’t another groomsman or friend plan a weekend thing? You know your FH and his friends better than anyone here, but if it were our social group, the guys would have had a lot to say about be trying to plan a bachelor party for H.
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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    Doesn't he have other groomsman that could take the reigns?

    for my bachelorette my bridesmaids did it because my MOH lived out of state and couldn't go. i don't think it has to be the best man, so the groomsmen also probably just let it slide without thinking much of it.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag

    As of right now my FH does not have a bachelor party planned at all. His best man has asked about it but doesn't seem to want to plan it, but my FH feels like he shouldn't plan it either which I agree with him on. What my FH really wanted to do was go to Vegas for the NFL draft and see the new Raider stadium. With COVID though this wasn't going to happen. I feel bad because my MOH is planning my bachelorette party for August. My FH is being great about it; the plan is and I'm hoping this stays in place is that all of the guys are going to stay at our apartment the night before the wedding and drink beer/ play video games. I tried to spin it for my FH like this, think of the 3 people for his wedding party, he has been to every bachelor party of their's over the years. Think of combining all 3 of them and that is his party. I feel bad though because he traveled for all of their parties but no one seems to want to for his. I think it bothers him slightly but at the same time he is fine with it.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    If other guys want to do it, they can. As with women's showers and bach, anyone close, can. Let a couple of groomsmen, or his brothers, know the Best man will not be planning or participating. If they care enough to make it happen, they will. If people don't much care, he won't have one. No parties are a guaranteed thing. If none of his guys even want to go out for drinks, leave it alone . Don't humiliate him before his friends by you planning it. This is between them and him. It is not necessarily a Best Man thing.
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  • Mrs.a
    Master October 2021
    Mrs.a ·
    • Flag
    That is nuts! What if his flight gets delayed and he misses the wedding???
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  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    • Flag
    I would let one of his groomsmen or other close family members plan something for him. I wouldn’t get involved in that because it might make him feel worse if you have to plan it.
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  • Sabrina
    Savvy July 2020
    Sabrina ·
    • Flag
    The thing is, my FH is from California. So that is where most of his groomsmen are coming from. The only groomsman that lives in this state is my little brother, who is under age 21... He hasn’t made a big deal of it at all. I was just hoping to try and help make something happen..
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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
    • Flag

    Whenever I see brides offering to plan a bachelor party for their fiance, it gives me the "taking your mom to prom" vibe, Lol. I'd reach out to his other friends/family instead- it's not necessarily the Best Man's responsibility - anyone can do it! Just tell them not to invite the Best Man Smiley winking

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  • Dayna
    Expert September 2021
    Dayna ·
    • Flag

    I think it would be nice of you to get the ball rolling on a bachelor party for him, even if that just means letting his other groomsmen know that there are currently no plans or telling them that you have an idea of what he would like. They might be under the assumption that his best man is taking care of it. Maybe they could do something in California and your FH could travel instead of all of them traveling to you?

    As far as the best man's flight, I definitely think he should at least be trying to fly out the day before and be there for the rehearsal, but other than trying to talk to him about it, I'm not sure there's much you can do.

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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    This additional info makes the situation a bit clearer. If no one is local to you, that means they would have to travel, during a pandemic (when jobs and incomes might be affected), for a bachelor party AND the wedding. I can see why no one seems interested in that; it's a lot to ask even in a non-pandemic year.

    I agree with everyone who says you shouldn't step in and plan something, and also that any friend or family member could choose to take the reins on this. So, I would leave it alone.

    Your future spouse can absolutely plan a lake trip with his friends at any time not related to the wedding.

    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag

    Given the traveling requirements, maybe you can reach out to them and ask if they could put together something more low-key for the night before that's just the guys? Since I'm assuming the rest of them are coming in at least one day ahead of time, they could do something the day/night before as a mini bach party? If you reach out, you may be able to get the ball rolling.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    When you choose wedding party from out of state ( or over a couple hours drive) you cannot plan on them planning or coming to pre-wedding events that require a special trip or coming a day or two early. Showers, bachelorettes, rehearsals or RD are always optional. This year, with Covid, I can understand not wanting to get up close in a social situation, more than the minimum time for the wedding. See what day or times others are arriving, but he may not have one .
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  • K
    Savvy October 2020
    Karen ·
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    Well said!

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    People travel the day of weddings, often. I have never been late for one, and because of my work schedule used to do so frequently.
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  • Anna
    VIP October 2020
    Anna ·
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    I was going to suggest the same thing. My MOH also lives out of state, so my next in line Bridesmaid has been planning a bachelorette weekend. We were originally going to meet halfway so my MOH and her sister could meet and celebrate as well, but they’re not sure they’ll be able to do that either, so we may just plan something more local.
    • Reply
  • Mrs.a
    Master October 2021
    Mrs.a ·
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    Good for you, but bear in mind, everyone is not the same, and people run into delays and can run behind schedule. I’ve been to several weddings where guests politely roll in a little late after the start of a ceremony.

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  • Danielle
    Expert November 2020
    Danielle ·
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    Agree with Cyndy. Talk to close family member and let guys plan it out. You have enough to worry about with your planning and you don't want the guys to think you are overbearing and risk embarrassing him (not that you would but sometimes guys don't like to plan and they get teased for us ladies planning it for them). Sometimes guy like to just fly by the seat of their pants.

    I feel sad his best man isn't coordinating or cooperating, but perhaps he doesn't know what this means to his best friend? Guys are not always the best about talking about their feelings and he may not want to burden anyone. Put another guy family member up to it and let them take care of it. worse case scenario maybe they can do a man camping trip.

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