A close friend of mine is having a last minute international wedding at city hall in Europe and I'm really torn on if I need to attend. Last year, my H and I announced to our immediate family in October we were getting married in San Francisco (destination - my family is from the midwest and his family is from hawaii) at city hall for a December/Christmas wedding. Not expecting any of our friends to make the last minute plans (& wanting a low key wedding) we didn't tell anyone about our wedding except for extended family, and did not offer them an invite. Well I let it slip to this friend 2 days before our wedding that we were getting married (she kept asking about our relationship and I was excited!), and she said she wouldn't miss it for the world and would fly cross country to be there. Because the wedding was so small and low key, my parents paid for everything (hotel rooms, meals) and she stayed with us, so her only costs where travel and non wedding activities).
A year later, in October, my friend told me she is getting married and wants me a part of the wedding. Before knowing who she was marrying and when - I said I would go. A couple days later she sent me the invite, it's in Europe at city hall around Christmas. She said no pressure to attend, but I feel so guilty about not going because she made the trek to come to ours (although she technically wasn't invited). I just started a new job and have very few vacation days, and because it's so last minute flights, renewed passports, and hotels are expensive, and I feel uneasy about dropping an entire month's pay on attending her wedding. I'm also hurt that for the past several months, whenever I called to check in I would get radio silence. I don't care that I don't know who she is marrying, or that she wouldn't share these details with a close friend, but I feel like I share a lot with her and she only reaches out when she feels like it. She also lives rent-free at her parent's summer house, and doesn't seem to understand that my H is in grad school and I have rent and bills to pay, and that attending this wedding is a huge reach financially.
I'm really torn, financially and work wise this is really difficult for me to do, but she is a close friend & did make the trip out to my wedding. Does this make me a terrible friend if I can't go?
