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Dedicated December 2019

Below where we want to be on guest numbers

isabel1115, on November 11, 2019 at 3:44 PM Posted in Planning 0 19
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It's been a rough couple of weeks watching people who previously said they were coming flake on the wedding. We had polled the family in advance on who would be able to come when and now, people who said they'd come aren't coming. Some of you might remember from some of my previous posts that we were pushed into including all the kids in the family. Well, now all those kids we were pressured to invite, are not coming ALONG with all their parents. We could have invited other people in those spots had they told us earlier but now it's too late and we can't. We are also in danger of not hitting our F&B minimum.

I am a pretty sensitive person and care a lot about others and how I treat them. I've always tried to be the best daughter, friend, cousin etc, I can be. I realize the majority of these no's are not even on my side but I'm hurt, frustrated and upset to say the least. I do know that most of the people we really care about are coming but I'm also sad that some people we really care about can't come for health reasons (which I don't blame anybody for of course).

I realize a December wedding is not the most convenient of times but we didn't have much choice due to other factors in our family and...I can't reschedule it now. Were I to do it all over, there's so many things I would have done differently. We have to push through but I could use some advice or just comforting words on how to deal with this.

1. How can we try to get our numbers up? The only way we can think of at this point is to give single friends plus ones but even then, i don't know how to bring it up. (This is the best way to hit our F&B total but obviously its too late to invite others and I know most people here are anti B-listing.)

2. How can we hit our F&B minimum otherwise? We've already added a ton of food and drinks. We're thinking about asking the venue (a hotel), if we can add other food we eat that weekend to the grand total to hit it. Anyone else try this?

3. How do I get past the disappointment and move forward? I'm at the point where I don't want to do anything wedding-related because I feel so stressed out and I can't really afford to do that considering it's next month. I've already turned off all RSVP notifications and uninstalled the app because I was taking each RSVP too hard.

I'm thrilled to marry my fiance. We're so excited but also, I think part of our excitement is just getting past this wedding and moving on with our lives. It's a terrible way to think considering how much we spent on it right?! I really do hope it'll all come together in the end.

19 Comments

Latest activity by isabel1115, on February 1, 2020 at 4:02 PM
  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
    • Flag
    I’m feeling this so much right now. How many do you have and how many did you invite?
    • Reply
  • I
    Dedicated December 2019
    isabel1115 ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    We invited 170ish. Granted we did know some of them were never going to come but it was a formality we were required to send them invitations/they invited themselves/asked to bring dates and then decided not to go (long story). The number kept growing because of things like this and these were a lot of the same people who ultimately decided not to come so I'm frustrated to say the least. We are going to hit, maybe 100?

    It's also so irritating knowing there's other things I could have done but I cut to save budget for F&B and now I can't get them back. Ugh. What are your numbers?

    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    I would try to focus on the quality, not the quantity! Yes, your numbers are smaller than you'd like them to be, but you still have people who love you who are coming. Smaller weddings can be just as enjoyable!

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag

    Ugh this is my biggest fear! I have a feeling we won't hit the amount for guests. We are inviting 160. We are planning to add more appetizers and late night snacks if we are way below what we expect. We have a lot of people coming in from out of town. But my mom had way less people that she wanted invited than I expected. They are helping with the wedding and she has a ton of friends so I thought giving 30 was a good way to prepare myself for her list. She came back with 10 people.

    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    We invited 150 people. We choose not include children because we were already over what we wanted to be. We ended up having only 90 people say they were attending for various reasons. We ended up adding a late night snack to meet our minimum. It was depressing getting told no by people. We only had about 85 people actually show up on the day of the wedding. We knew in advance the one person might not attend because her daughter-in-law was only given like 10 more days to live at the time because she had stage four cancer. Another person told us she was bringing a date and she didn't. One person was sick so she and her husband didn't attend. My husband's uncle decided to go to a bar with his son instead because he refused to pay for his son's hotel room for our wedding so the son wasn't attending so he decided not to attend either. Then one friend couldn't attend because he had something come up with med school at the last second.
    • Reply
  • I
    Dedicated December 2019
    isabel1115 ·
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    We already added more appetizers and always budgeted late night snacks too! I don't want to waste so much food and money which is why we feel like, we'd rather people brought a date than we throw the money down the drain. I wish there were some other people I invited instead now but hindsight is 20/20. *sigh*

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  • L
    Savvy December 2019
    Laurel ·
    • Flag

    I think it's fine just to tell the singles you now have room for a plus 1 if they would like to add.

    might make them happier in the long run also.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    We invited 82 and have 44 coming. Key family members and some wedding party who already committed have declined, along with friends who just felt our wedding was inconvenient (like you I totally understand health reasons). Im absolutely happy that I’m marrying my fiancé, my wedding will be wonderful, and I don’t have minimums so I’m just saving money. I would be upset if I were you too and had to find things to spend money on to fill the contract! My main issue is we’ve been engaged for so long so timing isn’t the issue, most people live in driving distance and I know for a fact finances are not the issue. They just don’t feel like coming. It really does hurt my feelings and I’m trying to focus on the good things but it’s still hard feeling let down by people I care about.
    • Reply
  • Jocelyn
    Devoted December 2019
    Jocelyn ·
    • Flag
    Hi date twin! Im sorry your feeling upset about your guests now backing out. There’s still time! I would say go ahead and reach out to the singles and let them know there’s extra room on the guest list and if they would like to bring a plus one, they may! I’m sure you’ll get lots of happy guest. And you can still invite people you didn’t in the first place! You may be surprised on who will say say. I’m at 46 guest(we are doing small intimate wedding) and I literally just invited my friend/coworker this week to my wedding because I had someone back out. She was just happy for the invite regardless of the time frame. Reach out to the singles and who ever you wanted to originally invite. Worst case is they say no. But at least you asked! Breath! Everything will fall into place. Just forgot about who’s not going because the most important people will show up. Yes it’s disappointing people don’t have the decency to see your wedding as an important event. But best believe the ones who do will make the day worth it!
    • Reply
  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    Just go ahead and do a B list invite. Tell them that a bunch of family members you didn't care for had to be invited, dropped out, and you'd love to have them there instead
    • Reply
  • L
    Lady ·
    • Flag

    Totally fine to reach out to single guests and offer a plus one. That's not B-listing since it's not required that you invite them with a guest. I know it's tough, but I still probably wouldn't invite from a B-list, especially if these people know that they didn't make the original cut. If you still have a few weeks before your RSVP date, I think you might be ok to send a few more, but only if you know for sure that they didn't already know they weren't on the list, know what I mean?

    • Reply
  • Christina
    Dedicated October 2021
    Christina ·
    • Flag
    I know you already mentioned having added some beverages already, is there a way that once you know where you stand with F&B total you can add open bar to make up the minimum? So if you’re at $4,000 with minimum 6,000 have open bar with $2,000 budget?
    • Reply
  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy Online ·
    • Flag
    We had a lot of people who were thought for sure would be there decline/not be able to make it after saying yes. Things happen. Health emergencies, jobs, life stuff. It’s not fun.
    Youre still a month out. Are there people you’ve grown close to since the guest list was finalized/invites went out? I think it would be ok to reach out to those guests. I also think it would be ok to reach out to single guests and allow them a plus one.
    I will say, even with our smaller numbers, our wedding was still a blast! We missed the people that couldn’t make it, but it didn’t put a damper on the day at all.
    • Reply
  • I
    Dedicated December 2019
    isabel1115 ·
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    I did add a friend i became better friends with. after the other invitations went out. I've slowly started adding plus ones but most of those people still chose to not bring a guest. There's one pair I would add later if it wasn't for the fact one of our mutual friends made it very clear (I wish this didn't happen but I can't control what she says) she received an invitation already. I don't think this couple is offended (they know we're not best friends) but I feel like it would be worste to B-list them than not invite them at this point....?

    • Reply
  • I
    Dedicated December 2019
    isabel1115 ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Oh we have a full open bar already. We have a lot of non drinkers or light drinkers so even after doubling the drink calculator's estimate (to be safe), we are struggling to hit the minimum. Clearly the minimum was a mistake (we agreed in exchange for other freebies) but again, hindsight is 20/20. These are the cards we are dealt now so I'm trying to figure out what to do. My last resort is to have the venue make edible favors to take home...?

    • Reply
  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
    • Flag

    I also had a December wedding and knew that the turnout would be low. I ended up having 40 guests out of inviting 70; I expected and planned for 50 but some people couldn't come at the last minute. I worked with my venue to hit their minimums by having 2 late night snacks, a top shelf open bar plus a hot chocolate/hot cider bar. It was also at a hotel so I was able to add the food for the wedding party to feed them breakfast and lunch while we all got ready plus I was able to add a farewell brunch the morning after the wedding. I also had a lot of passed apps and 3 stations during cocktail hour. You could also see if you could host your rehearsal dinner there and have that added to your F&B minimum.

    As for getting over the disappointment, just focus on all the love and support you will have that day/weekend. It really will be incredible and you will be on such a high just knowing you're marrying your favorite person that you won't even notice who isn't there. I actually really, really enjoyed having such an intimate, cozy wedding and loved that I could splurge on my guests all weekend and they loved it too!

    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    We invited 140ish, and only 83ish showed up (including kids). This was below our minimum, but our venue combined some of our vendor meals to get us up to speed.

    I wish we had known earlier, there are local friends we would have been able to include - but families like to do this... it's honestly heartbreaking.

    I'd speak to your caterer and see what you can do... or maybe quietly invite a few local friends who didn't make the first cut.

    • Reply
  • A
    Super August 2020
    Alex ·
    • Flag

    1. I would not stress about people not coming. You will have people there that love you and your FH, focus on the ones who are coming.

    2. If everything is at the hotel, you could see if they would apply some of the minimum to a brunch the next day or the rehearsal dinner the night before. You could also add some interactive food stations, which typically cost more because they require more staff. We are doing a waffle Sunday bar where they make the waffles to order, and I am so excited. You could also upgrade your champagne toast. That will increase cost quickly! You could also see if they will let you over order alcohol and give each guest a bottle of wine to take home as your favors?

    3. Remember this day is really about you and your FH. Celebrate and enjoy! Maybe do something non-wedding related to celebrate and keep your mind off of it.

    • Reply
  • I
    Dedicated December 2019
    isabel1115 ·
    • Flag

    Just an update on this thread in case its helpful to anyone: after all the stress, somehow in the end, the numbers all came together and we hit our expected number of guests and our food and beverage minimum!


    We did get some last minute guest changes and additions. Looking back, its funny how stressful it was! ha. In hindsight, I also realized I stressed and was so upset about the people who declined. For those going through this, I think unless the drama was really bad, once you're married and happy with the memories, you're more able to move on. It's not so bad once you come out on the other side. Smiley heart Smiley smile

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