Being considerate to the dates/spouses of the wedding party?

Having been the date of a groomsman several times, it was really important to me to make sure the dates/spouses of our wedding party felt included and had a great time. We are having a destination wedding; so rather than give our bridesmaids and groomsmen the typical wedding party gifts, we are going to give each of them gift cards to an amazing restaurant in the city we are getting married in so they can have a romantic evening out together on us. I thought honoring their relationship would be a great way to thank them for attending our wedding and honoring ours. The night before our wedding we will be doing a rehearsal (where spouses/dates will of course be invited to accompany them), followed by a nice rehearsal dinner for the wedding party and their dates. We will be renting a small intimate room at a restaurant so that everyone can talk and mingle and get to know one another. After the dinner we are planning a vampire walking tour, so everyone can have fun, have some cocktails, and further get to know one another. Probably the biggest/most unorthodox change we are making will be during our ceremony though. Rather than have the wedding party walk down the aisle together and stand with us, we will be having our BMs and GM walk down the aisle with their spouses/dates and sit with them in the front row. At our reception, we will be having long community tables so everyone can sit together with their spouses/dates like one big family. Happiness, love, and inclusion is the main theme of our wedding. I am hoping these changes will ensure everyone has fun and feels the love during our wedding weekend!

That is a topic that one of my bridesmaids and I got talking about, before I had even asked her to be one of my bridesmaids.
She had mentioned that her and her husband had an upcoming wedding that they would be attending, but he was in the wedding party and she wasn't. She even mentioned that out of all the weddings they have attended together that they haven't ever been paired together nor been able to sit with each other during the wedding. Honestly that really bothered and was rather upsetting to hear. So what my fiance and I decided to do is, anyone in our wedding party who's spouse, child(ren) are attending our wedding, to make sure that they as a family/couple will be sitting together and not be separated. We are having to rent to large farmhouse tables in order to make this happen, but if it means that we spend a little extra to make sure that it is more enjoyable for them then we are okay and willing to do so.
I think that this needs to be more widely considered among engaged couples while figuring out the seating arrangement. They wouldn't like it if they had to sit completely separate from their partner/spouse/family all night and maybe even with people that they don't know.
It's a small thing to show a lot of consideration for guests and something that they will greatly appreciate in the end.

View Quoted Comment YES! I couldn’t agree more! People are so preoccupied with proper etiquette at weddings, but rarely do they take into consideration the feelings of the spouses/dates of their most honored guests. This seems like a huge etiquette faux pas to me. Your wedding party is going out of their way to help honor & celebrate your relationship – the least you could do is honor their‘s.

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I am really happy that she and I had that discussion because it opened my eyes to a situation that I didn't realize that existed.
Plus if this is a little extra way for us to say thank you to them for willing to be there and apart of our special day, then of course we are more than happy to accommodate!

We invited significant others to the rehearsal and dinner. We also sat them together at the reception. I think it would be so awkward to force the bridal party to sit separately from their spouses. I know at my brother-in-law's wedding I was miserable in the morning/afternoon because the guys used our hotel room to get ready in so I had no where to go. We were eight hours from home so I wasn't familiar with the area. My mother-in-law, my husband's sister, and my husband's aunts were all busy so I ended up going to find a mall and did my own thing. I was less than impressed.

I love all of your ideas, and may use some of them myself! I've been going back and forth on several points about having a bridal party, but a lot of your ideas seem really perfect. I like the idea of having a bridal party, but after looking at tons of pictures of wedding ceremonies, I can't help but feel it just looks kind of....odd and cluttered to have so many people just standing in a line on either side of the bride and groom. I thought it might be considered rude to have them in the processional but them have them just sit in the front row, but I've seen a lot of people here say that it's pretty common to do it that way. I also think it's super sweet that you're including dates in the processional, since after all the whole event is about celebrating love! The restaurant gift card is perfect, too. I love all of it!

View Quoted Comment This is exactly what I’m talking about! Wedding party spouses get completely forgotten about. I’ve managed to find a way to make sure they are included the day before the wedding, during the ceremony and during the reception. I am struggling with an idea of what I could do for them the morning of, while their spouses are getting ready. Having been in that position, do you have any suggestions?? Or would you have been happy to spend a couple hours in your hotel room watching TV, ordering room service, and getting ready by yourself? We are having a small wedding party, so the hair, make up and pre-ceremony pictures is only going to be about 2-2.5 hours total.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I have really made this an important aspect of our wedding, and have spent a lot of time coming up with ways to make sure the spouses feel included every step of the way

Awww Chrysta, I love what you're doing!

We ended up having such a small wedding that we didn't have a rehearsal dinner or any other typical activities (no shower, bachelorette/bachelor, etc.).

The only thing we actively did was not have a head table, so that SOs could sit together. A few also came to the venue early; we told them they were welcome to hang out in the locker rooms with us while we were getting ready if they wanted to, and offered to buy them lunch.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much 💕 Even though you didn’t have a lot of that extra wedding activities, it sounds like you definitely took your wedding party’s spouses into consideration in your planning. It’s such a small, easy thing to do, but makes such a huge difference to those people!

I wish this was talked about more! The last wedding my fiancé and I went to, he was in the bridal party and I was not. I basically spent the entire day alone, including the first part of the reception because they sat the bridal party at the head table. I was lonely and board as I'm not very talkative or outgoing. We only have one person on each side and they will be sitting with their significate others during the reception but other than that, I didn't plan on anything more besides the invitation to the rehearsal dinner and possible afterparty. I do like your idea of the gift card for a restaurant, might steal it!

View Quoted Comment Your experience is exactly what I am trying to avoid at my wedding. I’m so sorry that was your experience. Definitely steal the gift card idea though! Let’s spread love and honor all relationships at weddings! 💕

Your plans are so awesome and love how you both are wanting to ensure that everyone feels included!

We're lucky because his dad and brothers are his best man/groomsmen, and the SOs of my ladies all know one another! Despite that, we're inviting the SOs to the rehearsal dinner and after our wedding, we all plan on taking a shuttle to barhop downtown! For seating, we're thinking of doing a king's table for us and the bridal party, with two tables connecting to form a 'U' shape. The two extra tables are where his brother's wives and children will sit, and where the SOs of my girls will sit as well!

View Quoted Comment You’re so lucky that your wedding party and all their spouses are already close! I am from Iowa, and my fiancé is from Illinois. I have spent the past 15 years living in St. Louis, so most of my closest friends are there. And my fiancé was in the army, so some of his friends are in California, New Jersey, Arizona and Germany. So we have people from all over, a lot of whom have never even met each other before. I didn’t want anyone to feel excluded or awkward, or think back on our wedding as a negative experience. Hopefully everyone has a great time!

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We really are lucky on that aspect! Oh wow you do have everyone from all over! I think your plans will work great and have everyone feeling included and thought of!

Anyone who had a plus one in our wedding party got a second seat, one at the head table, and one by their date, they could sit at either, except during toasts. We also tryed to have everything sorted so at the reception, they didn't have much to do and could enjoy themselves.

I invited significant others to the rehearsal dinner and some were there when we did photos before the ceremony. And I sat everyone together, I didn’t like the idea of seating them away from their plus ones

Awe, your plans are very cute.

We didn't do much for the s/o of our parties. They were invited to the RD, we also did a sweetheart table so that they could sit w/ their s/o, and to kick off the reception we had the DJ invite all the bridal party along w/ their s/o for the first open dance (we did our 1st dance when we were introduced - it was choreographed, complicated and longish and I wanted to do it first thing so that I could enjoy a few drinks).

Love this idea!! How considerate you are! Our wedding party will be invited with their SOs (or plus ones, if they're single) to the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, day-after barbecue, etc....and we'll definitely seat them together for the reception....and I love your idea to offer entertainment for SOs of the bridal party (the ones that aren't local, anyway) on the wedding day before the ceremony....AND i love your idea to have them walk down the aisle with their SOs! I may steal that idea, if that's ok! I will just have to think through what to do for single BMs (if any of my BMs are single by the time our wedding rolls around)

Omg yes my husband has been in a couple parties at weddings where I didnt really know anyone. It is soooo awkward and the omly thing you can really do is mingle or find the other spouses of the bridal party haha. At mine I tried to introduce them in advance so they wouldnt feel awkward