Bartender Gratuity

It's not proper etiquette to expect your guests to tip. As the hosts, you are expected to handle tipping all vendors.

Also, having family or friends work at your wedding/reception is not a popular choice here.

In my circle, guests typically will tip but that should not be the expectation. I know your cousin offered this as a gift, but do you really want him serving drinks all night rather than celebrating with you? Would the savings be worth it?

Thank you for the feedback!! The original plan was to go to the JOTP due to not wanting the expense of a wedding. I’ve had a $40K wedding before so I know how these things can go. Additionally, IMO one biggie is sufficient. On the other hand my family (as well as myself) love to entertain as do my FH who’s been married before but at the JOTP. My sister is a caterer and my nephew (her son) is a bartender. They have their own food service business. They approached me with the idea of offering their services as long as i supply the items. It was a task to find a venue of my liking that would allow you to bring your own items.

When we were going over details this evening he mentioned he was bringing the others with him due to the size of my event. I asked was $20 an hour a fair price and that’s when he advised no charges but tips expected. That’s when I posted the question here....I feel kind of weird and did not know if this was common. We’ve gone from JOTP and a nice honeymoon to over $15K so a couple more bucks for bartenders can’t hurt...IMO.

The original venue did not allow alcohol outside of beer and wine and accommodated 75 people. We really wanted a full bar so as our guest list grew to 200 people we switched the venue. I mention that to say I kind of expected to have a cost since the bar is now expanded and way more guest. I’m seeking to hire servers as well. This wedding planning is a beast. Not certain how my late mom pulled that first one off.

Just make sure to have a note for your DJ to remind the guests periodically, that tipping your bartender is appreciated since he is family...or something along those lines. Usually the dj will state it a few times through the evening, but some don't.

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That would rub me the wrong way tbh, one reminder should be more than enough if given at all. Anything more than that and I would wonder if the DJ was expecting a cut at the end of the night.

Eta: spelling

View Quoted Comment Agree with this.

I think you should pay the tips, not expect your guests to. I would tip a fair day's work.

They might prefer to rely on tips because with that many guests, they will probably make more than $20 an hour. When I am tipping on an open bar situation, I usually end up tipping between $5 and $10 over an evening. Multiply that by all your guests and that's a decent chunk of change. That being said, if you can it would be good to cover the tips and not have the bartenders have a jar out or anything. Though some people will probably tip anyway.

View Quoted Comment I sooooo did not think of it like that!!! I’m not willing to pay much more than $20 an hour. In fact, if I went up to $25 an hour I would limit it to 4 hours. As far as the tip jar is concerned I personally do not think it’s a bad idea or tacky. In fact, I went to a wedding a few years ago that was pretty exquisite IMO. Robin Thicke actually performed at that wedding. There was a tip jar there and I personally did not feel it took anything away from the class of the wedding. Not for sure what others thought. So I’m fine with the jar but just don’t want my guest to feel obligated or the bartenders to feel slighted.

View Quoted Comment I might also add when considering the amount of children and non drinkers attending in combination of the no shows we are probably talking about 100-125 people.

I always tip even if it's open bar and if there's not a jar in sight. Keep a jar behind the bar and if they are tipped, they can put it there. I think it's less tacky then. Then you should tip them as well.

View Quoted Comment No. Guests should never be pressured to tip. In fact the best etiquette is to remove the tip jar. The hosts are entirely responsible for tipping.

It is not pressuring when they just make a suggestion...

I think a tip jar on the bar is super tacky at a wedding. You are definitely responsible for providing gratuity to the bartender, although guests will still tip. You are getting a steal by having them there and paying them $25/hr is really nothing in the big picture.

No tip jar, and for the love, no reminder from the DJ. Give them each $100 yourself. If guests insist on tipping, they will do so, and that will be extra for them doing a good job.

View Quoted Comment A “suggestion” reminding guests to tip is DEFINITELY pressure and it shames guests who may not have, which is rude because it is ultimately the host’s job to tip their staff

That said, there are people (like myself) who will ALWAYS tip their bartenders unless they say expressly NOT to. So I think the OP paying the suggested hourly charge of $20-25 an hour as a “tip” and then allowing (But NOT requesting or suggesting etc) them to accept additional tips is okay. But really the OP should be covering the bartenders tips and it is absolutely not okay to tell the guests to do so

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I’ve gotten it worked out. Good luck and Congratulations to all!!

I don't think there's any harm in putting out a tip cup at the bar. People will tip if they have cash and they won't if they don't. Up to you, but I wouldn't be bothered by it at all as a guest and I've seen it before.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Megan. I have been to what I deem as pretty posh weddings where there was a tip jar out. I respect the opinions of others but the jar was going out prior to the post. My question was geared towards the expectation of guess. I’ve been to weddings where there was a cash bar, again I never flinched nor did I feel it was of poor taste.