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Alissa
Just Said Yes June 2020

Banish the Best Man?

Alissa, on June 5, 2020 at 8:06 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9
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My future BIL is our best man for our wedding tomorrow. However, we have no idea if he is going to show up or not. He has been saying yes he will be there, and then saying no. He refuses to give my fiancé a straight answer, and ignores his calls and texts half the time. When they do talk, he gives multiple excuses and reasons about why he probably won’t be able to come including, not having a ride, not wanting to leave so early with his parents, wanting to just relax after work, etc. He is 22 and we think he’s angry because we wouldn’t allow him to live with us after he mooched off my fiancé for year, living rent free while we encouraged him to find work. I am ready to just say he’s out of the wedding and replacing him with my sister’s husband or my cousin, both of whom my fiancé is close too, just so we know we have someone. But my fiancé isn’t so sure, I don’t know what to do. I hate surprises and don’t want to find out half an hour before our ceremony whether we have a best man or not.

9 Comments

Latest activity by Leanne, on June 6, 2020 at 1:46 PM
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    If he doesn't show up then just don't have a best man. You don't need to have even numbers.
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I definitely get the frustration. However, I think this is 100% your fiance's call. It is not only his best man, but also his brother. I would just be as supportive as you can be towards your fiance. If he shows up, great. If not, it's not like you need a best man to get married. I feel like having a replacement won't really make the situation better as it seems more like an issue of your brother in law is being hurtful to your fiance. Plus, if the date in your profile is correct, the wedding is tomorrow. Are either your sister's husband or your cousin in the bridal party to begin with? If so, then whoever can just stand next to your fiance if his brother doesn't show since the others would be up there anyway.
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  • Mrs. S
    Super November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    Agree with this. My husband’s brother didn’t show and yes I was angry but there’s nothing to be done and we had a great wedding anyway. If the recessional pairings are off two bridesmaids can walk with one groomsman.
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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    Agree with others that this is your fiance's call. Personally I wouldn't make such a dramatic move the day before the wedding. Let it play out and if he doesn't show up, that's a lifelong decision he will have to live with rather than you. You don't need a best man to get married. Have a beautiful wedding, enjoy every moment, and if he doesn't show up, pack up those feelings and emotions deep down and deal with them the next day - don't let it ruin one minute of the day you've worked so hard to make happen.

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  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    I wouldn't do anything about it. If he doesn't show, that says more about him. And you don't need a best man - it's not a huge deal. It'll all be okay - you're getting married tomorrow! Focus on being happy!

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I wouldn’t do anything either. If he shows then he shows if he doesn’t then he’s not and it just shows that he’s a prick
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  • Queen Cone
    Devoted September 2020
    Queen Cone ·
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    I think if hes this flaky id just hope for the best and expect the worst. hopefully he comes but if not dont sweat it. the wedding will go on
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Don't just plug someone else in the slot. That is rude to the people you ask to do so. If he is there properly groomed and dressed a half hour before the ceremony, he takes his place as best man. If not, no. Others simply act as though you were a wedding party that did not have a best man to begin with, no shifting titles. A best man is not necessary for a wedding. The show goes on, without him. I hope that otherwise, things go smoothly and you have a great wedding. He is not essential. Focus on each other.
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  • Leanne
    Super September 2020
    Leanne ·
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    Invite him to sit with the family. But I wouldn’t put the stress on yourself to worry if he’ll do the right thing.
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