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Just Said Yes November 2019

Bad groomsman

Libby, on July 30, 2019 at 4:58 PM Posted in Planning 0 9

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I want your feedback on a situation I’m caught in. Last year, my fiancé (the groom) asked five if his buddies to be his groomsmen. All five accepted. One of the groomsmen was particularly uninvolved in any groomsmen activities, however. He was even so distant and unresponsive, my fiancé started to wonder if he still wanted to be part of the wedding. In May, it came to light that he no longer wants to be part of the wedding and bailed- four months before the wedding. The real kicker is he didn’t even tell us- he told his dad, who told my fiancé’s dad, who told us. No apology. No explanation. Now the RSVP date has come and gone, and the former groomsman hasn’t responded to it. My fiancé is still holding out hope he is coming to the wedding as a guest, as they are good friends, however I’m quite agitated by this whole ordeal and I don’t want to screw up our seating arrangements and catering numbers if he decides at the last minute to attend our wedding. To be frank, I’m still quite upset he hasn’t had the desency to reach out to us (or at least my fiancé) to provide some kind of an explanation for his bailing. My fiancé is defending him, saying it’s not his fault... he gets overwhelmed... he’s a nice guy... just not great with commitment... ect ect. Am I being too hard on this guy, and should we let him come to wedding even if he doesn’t RSVP by our deadline? Thoughts?

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9 Comments

Latest activity by KimandLarry, on July 31, 2019 at 9:29 AM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 30, 2019 at 6:14 PM
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I would be annoyed too though so I see where you're coming from. I would go with what your fiance wants to do in this case though since it's moreso his guest
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Master May 2019
Chandra · on July 30, 2019 at 6:16 PM
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Hs your FH reached out to him to just ask how he is in life? (Not wedding related?) I see no harm in reaching out to him asking if he's attending as a guest. Sounds like your FH still wants to stay friends with him.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 30, 2019 at 6:20 PM
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I'd be annoyed but also give your fiance a deadline to get a response by. Maybe he needs to check on this friend and see if he's okay.
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Dedicated October 2019
Aleks · on July 30, 2019 at 6:54 PM
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Absolutely this. It's so easy to get caught up in the wedding madness and forget that the rest of the world is still spinning. Sure, he SHOULD reach out to you, but if he's close enough to be a groomsman, he should be close enough to be given the benefit of the doubt. Call him and make sure everything is ok, THEN make decisions.
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Super October 2019
Kelly · on July 30, 2019 at 9:09 PM
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This is where I get annoyed. If a bride (or groom) asks someone to be in the wedding, but then want to void that - it is said that they will lose that friendship etc., but if someone decides to drop out of the wedding party - all is forgiven. This guy didn’t even have the decency to tell you - and I get that things come up.
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on July 30, 2019 at 9:24 PM
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When is your wedding? It says November 2019 under your picture, but that doesn't make sense with your story.
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Devoted November 2019
Heather · on July 30, 2019 at 10:42 PM
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I'm going through the same situation. We were even paying his way to Jamiaca and bought the wedding parties outfits but he didnt have a job at the time and is now on contract work and was not sure he could get the time off but not saying one way or the other. My FH just told him it seems like a bad time and we will just assume it's not a good time. Saved us some money but I know my FH feels let down by his friend since childhood. Sometimes people have too much going on. Maybe this guy cant afford it or is really uncomfortable with the attention of standing up. FH should just reach out and make it easy for him to bail on groomsman and make him feel welcome to come to the wedding as long as he commits soom.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on July 30, 2019 at 11:10 PM
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I feel like this groomsman might be going through a rough time. Please check in on him as a friend to make sure he's okay!
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Dedicated June 2021
KimandLarry · on July 31, 2019 at 9:29 AM
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Same thing happened to my DH at our original wedding. He asked his brother to be his best man, then when it came time to get fitted for the tuxes he kept putting him off. DH finally cornered him and asked him what was going on. Brother stated he just didn't want to do it. One month before the wedding. It was a very crappy thing for him to do. So this time, with our renewal, I asked DH who was going to be there with him and got the response "sure as hell not my brother". It's sad but it happens. Maybe check on him and see what is going on? Also, it says your wedding is in November but you said your RSVP date has come and gone??
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