Bad Bridesmaid

It's not selfish and it's not crazy but you'll learn that not everyone is as excited or interested about your wedding as you'd hoped for them to be. for dresses i know it drives the bride crazy because it's a lot of anxiety of "i hope they get their dress on time" but as long as they do get their dresses on time it should be fine. one of my bridesmaids literally didn't even get her dress til three days before my wedding and boy did that make me annoyed but at the end of the day she got hers in time and that's that. but she also does sound super rude and annoying and i would just continue planning your stuff and if she makes it she makes it, if not then it says a lot about her friendship with you

Stop talking to her about it. Plan the way you want to and understand that if she can’t make it, she can’t make it.

No you aren’t crazy. It’s normal to have these feelings right now. I think a lot of us still hoping to have our weddings this year are having mixed feelings balancing guilt and excitement. This bridesmaid however sounds like a Negative Nancy. I say if she can’t make it to the shower/Bach party or whatever than have it without her since she is being a butt. Don’t bend over backwards for one difficult person. Yes this is a difficult time for everyone so yes - patience and grace is needed, but not at the expense of your own sanity. Also it was totally rude of her to tell you that YOU need to move your date because SHE hasn’t gotten her dress yet. There’s a whole thread on this forum of things not to say to a covid bride that this would fit to a T.

Maybe she can't afford it because of everything that is going on. You also should understand that everyone is not as excited as you are about your wedding plans. Just proceed as planned and if she gets the dress, that's great, and if she doesn't, the wedding continues with or without her. I definitely understand your frustrations! Don't stress out about someone else's issues. It will fall in place. Talk to your FH if no one else want to listen or be happy with you.

She doesnt have the dress yet because you guys didnt go for them yet or it didnt arrive yet? not everyone will be as excited I guess but its part of your bridesmaid duty to at least fake it!

View Quoted Comment I sent them all the drews choices back in november. She hasnt gone to try it on yet or order one

View Quoted Comment She can afford it i know that, she just doesnt put effort into doing thingw for other people haha

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! Feeling like bridzilla for thinking all this lol

"well I haven't gotten my dress yet you should reschedule," THIS!! Is absolutely not okay to say to any bride. I am so so sorry you are dealing with this. I have two bridesmaids who are my cousins and they have been SO negative to the point where I'd like to un-invite them to the wedding. Since they are my first cousins and I can't do that.. lol, I just told them they are unable to get ready with me the morning of the wedding. Sometimes "eliminating" your problematic bridemaids from parts of your wedding is helpful and gets rid of some stress/negative energy. Maybe you can nicely tell her that she will not be a bridesmaid anymore? It seems like the wedding is also causing her some stress so perhaps being a regular guest will alleviate those feelings. I know it's super awkward to just kick someone out of your bridal party, so it's easier said than done.

Also I will say, for my best friends wedding, none of us bridesmaids really helped with her planning. Her MOH basically took over and I didn't really contribute much because I didn't want to step on any toes. The MOH and bride have been best friends since 4th grade and I came into the picture in 9th grade, so I didn't want the MOH to feel like I was "taking over" in planning. She was basically waiting her whole life to plan her bridal shower and bachelor party so I didn't want to take away from that. And personally for me, I don't care for help unless I ask for it. So maybe everyone is waiting on you to ask to help out with certain things? I know how you feel because for my best friends wedding it seemed that everyone was constantly asking about her day and details, but for me no one is really asking anything. Could also be because of the weird times we are in right now. I definitely think 2020 brides are more sensitive due to COVID, so maybe that's another reason people aren't bringing anything up. They might also think YOU don't want to talk about it.

I wish I could give more helpful advice . One thing I will say though is try to stay as excited as possible. Because if (fingers crossed) your wedding happens in October, you want to look back and say you were excited about your wedding. That's what I have decided to do. I'd hate for my wedding to happen in August and I spent this whole time crying about how it won't happen and felt disappointed, so I'm trying to get myself excited but no toooo excited where I give myself false hope. Be prepared for the worst but hope for the best. I hope you are able to have your beautiful wedding in October!! Best wishes to you!!

View Quoted Comment Oh that’s interesting I’ve never heard of people going on their own to get their bridesmaid dresses I wouldn’t have trusted my own to do that

I think this is a split issue. I don't think you're crazy or selfish at all - no matter what's going on, you still get to be excited about your wedding! On the other hand, it's unrealistic to ask anyone else to be as excited about your wedding as you are. And asking them to "fake it" is honestly pretty rude. I'd suggest having a heart to heart and telling her how this is making you feel. There may be something else going on that you aren't aware of or she just may not know how it's coming off to you. I understand that it's upsetting, but really you're going to be more excited than everyone else and that's normal.

GIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRLLLLLL, I have 6 Bridesmaids and it has been a pain in my butt!! You can never expect a bridesmaid to be as excited as you because it's your wedding and not theirs, BUT you should at least feel like they care! I finally reached out to the bridesmaid I was having the most issues with and was like "Hey if being in the wedding is too stressful for you I understand if you want to come as a guest" I know they all have stuff going on in their own personal life, but you also need to feel like they are going to be there for you the day of. My bridesmaid responded saying that she was really sorry and didn't mean to make me feel that way, and that she would try harder to communicate when I reach out regarding the wedding. Maybe you just need to have a talk with her like that to see if coming as a guest would be a better option for her. I have never been a bridesmaid and I didn't know what to expect, I think I expected way more than what reality was and I'm also kind of a control freak so I did everything for them, I bought their dresses, accessories, shoes. I knew if I didn't they wouldn't get it done in a timely manner and they way I wanted it. Wedding planning is so stressful, I know the day of will be beautiful but I have definitely had a lot of stressful days!

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I don't want her to fake being happy or excited and have ever asked her to. She just wants everything to be catered to her, the bach party and the showers. She told me straight up that she thinks I need to move the wedding cause she didn't buy her dress yet. I have had talks with her but it turns into all about her again. I get not everyone is going to be as excited, but she makes it all about her and needs me to cater to her.