Backlash for decisions

No backlash yet, but you are getting backlash for Uber cards? That is what we plan to do! I thought it seemed really cool to be able to pay for those who needed a ride but let others get to the reception another way if that is what they prefer.

The one thing I've heard so far is that our wedding is on a Saturday in the fall which is right in the middle of football season. And our group of friends are big into football and pretty much all have season tickets to our alma mater. Our alma mater's schedule hasn't been released yet so I'm crossing my fingers we don't have a home game the same day. Luckily despite the grumbling I know none of our friends would skip the wedding for a game, they just might make jokes about it for the foreseeable years lol

I can’t believe you’re getting backlash on both of these things! It’s pretty standard that bridesmaids pay for their own hair and makeup (especially if it’s not mandatory). And the Uber gift card is an added bonus. Personally I don’t think provided transportation is a requirement unless your ceremony and reception are far apart

We've received backlash for having our wedding on a Sunday and for having it 30 minutes outside of the city. This was from people who AREN'T invited to the wedding that I work with, I was honestly blown away at how rude they were to 1. assume they were invited and 2. being so bold as to complain about decisions for a wedding that they aren't paying for! The only backlash we've received from people actually invited to the wedding are from my mom's mother complaining about the 30 minute drive to the venue from her house and FH's mother complaining about how FH asked his dad (her ex-husband) to be his best man. Lord, I will be glad when this wedding is no longer the topic of discussion with everyone

That is ridiculous you shouldn't be receiving backlash for any of those things. We've received backlash mainly from my FSIL. 1. That the wedding is in September like right after school starts and she is pissed that her kids are going to have to miss a day of school. 2. That we are having the wedding where we live. My FSIL seemed to think we should have the wedding where my FH's family is which is in upstate New York by the Canadian border. I found this ridiculous because of her first complaint, because she lives in Michigan and therefore again would have to take her kids out of school to go there as well. Plus I have a lot of family members who wouldn't be able to make it to a wedding out of state due them being farmers and not being able to leave for an extended amount of time.

SO MUCH BACKLASH from my FMIL for almost every decision I make. I'd like to say that I've stuck to my guns but honestly I've been having anxiety attacks. Thankfully my mother has been in town and is a great comfort. I think on some things it's important to compromise (I wasn't going to show my FMIL or FSILs my dress before the day of the wedding, but then agree to invite them to the fitting in May), but for other things you just need to do what makes you excited.

My planning experience has been so less exciting because I haven't been able to do what I want and what I envision in regards to my bridal party and bridal party experience. Stand up for yourself and surround yourself with people who love and support you.

I swear some folks can be so ungrateful. I would feel so happy to receive an Uber gift card. One thing I can say with confidence is that there's always going to be something that someone complains about. It is a headache, but one foolproof tactic always works for me: to stop talking about anything wedding related with these individuals. They can't comment on what they don't know about. I've had lots of negativity from some fam (mainly FH's side) thinking that they can just run their mouths and critique aspects of our marriage and our union, superficial aspects, etc. We simply cut these people off from knowing details of our wedding. Saves us lots of headaches. When they try to weave themselves back into our business, we simply ignore or give very vague details. They get the hint, although normally they are huffing and puffing and complaining to someone else about not knowing what's going on. We don't need that. Even when you're doing something positive and very helpful, like in your case, providing Uber gift cards, you can be met with heavy criticism. Just shake it off, girl. Let it roll off your shoulders and keep being the good person that you are. Guarantee these people complaining are going to be the same people more than happy in the moment to use the gift cards. Shake it off and hold your head high, and enjoy your wedding planning. All the best

I just went to a wedding where we got 1 paid Uber ride and we thought it was a great idea.

Plus ones - I didn't let most people bring a guest. I just didn't have the room.

1) I'm getting married in the same town as my alma mater... on a gameday. The accommodations are not idea because of the game. I told the complainers not to come if it was such a big deal.

2) Parents complained about the town I chose. My FH and I recently graduated from college and moved to the very eastern part of the state (Houston, TX) and my parents live 5 hours away. Didn't make sense to have the wedding back home because planning would have been next to impossible for me. We don't really know anyone where we live now so it didn't make sense to get married here either (all the guests would have had to travel). Our college town is more centrally located for everyone (3.5 hours from my parents, 3 from his, 1.5 from us) so that's what we chose! My parents were mad because they can't really help with DIY stuff from 3.5 hours away. FH and I are paying for 75% of it so I told them that I would not adjust the location to please them.

3) Complaints about the food from my dad. He worked in the restaurant industry and when he heard that I wanted to get a local taco joint to cater the wedding, he lost his mind. This argument, he won. They gave me a pretty sizable amount of money so I respected his wishes and found a caterer.

4) Bachelorette planning and location. My sister and Matron of Honor lives on an entirely different continent and I knew would have a hard time planning any party from the other side of the world. My FSIL, who is a bridesmaid, offered to help my sister because she's been to many and wanted to contribute. My sister wasn't the happiest about it because she felt like it was her job and if she wasn't planning it entirely then she shouldn't be my MOH... She's moved since all of this was originally discussed and now she can't even come to my bachelorette party SO there's that. lol

It's impossible to make everyone happy. I tried REALLY hard at first and now my mentality is "Screw it! If I'm happy and FH is happy, who cares?"

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I can see the school thing, but that’s the cost of going to a wedding. She can always get a babysitter for them and leave them at home and the second backlash reason is definitely just her being difficult. I’m sorry darling!

View Quoted Comment Agreed! There’s always complainers and they’re always going to find something to nitpick! The reason they got mad at the gift cards was because they feel there should be a shuttle (but what they really meant was a party bus) so everyone can keep drinking on the way home. I went with the gift cards because it allows people to leave whenever they want and go wherever they want, they don’t HAVE to use it to go back to the hotel! Also, I’m sorry but I’m not paying extra if someone can’t hold their drinks and gets sick on the way home

View Quoted Comment Ahh, the dreaded plus one debate! We did it where bridal party members all get a plus one and only those who have been dating since we got engaged or are in a serious relationship. I don’t want random people whom I’ve never met at my wedding

View Quoted Comment I think your place choice was the best idea, it’s difficult with everyone spread out! And yeah, the bachelorette party sounds like it would have been really hard for your sister, I don’t like when people get mad at brides when the bride is honestly trying to make it easier on others

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Well the thing that got me about the school thing was that first she said her kids will have to miss soccer the weekend of the wedding, then she brought up the school thing. So to me the school thing was an after thought. It's like hmm what's really important lol. Wouldn't be a huge deal if they didn't get here till the Saturday of the wedding but my FH asked her kids to be flower girls.

View Quoted Comment Ahh, yeah, that’s an odd one. I hope all goes well. When are you getting married?

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I think we may do the vouchers where you give everyone a code and it’s a certain amount towards any ride they want to take because our reception ends at 8 so I know a few people may prefer to use it to get home from a bar afterwards

View Quoted Comment September 12th, 2020

Mine will be plus 1s. No plus ones unless engaged or married. I am eh about it myself but my husband is dead set on it.

No backlash yet but I anticipate it coming!

My fiance hasn't told his family yet that we've booked a venue, but I know all of them will tell us we didn't visit enough other venues to make the decision. And on top of that, we'll receive backlash from his oldest sister because we're having a Halloween wedding.

I may receive backlash about that from many people, but it's our day and that's what we're doing.

I've already received criticism from my family over my choice of wedding dress, as its black and white.

As for the upset about you not paying for HMU, NOPE.. I won't be paying for it either. If it's optional, you're not responsible for it. If we are financially able, FH and I are hoping to gift our party money to pay for whatever they want to pay for wedding wise. But HMU is not an automatic perk in a bridal party.

HOWEVER. To all of us facing backlash.

It's OUR day, not theirs. Make it what you want it to be and spend money where you see fit.