Backing out of a destination wedding?

This is hard but I think it’s okay to back out based on cost. It’s pretty rude of her to ask her bridal party stating that all costs would be covered and then once everyone is committed say jk you have to pay for yourself

If she told you that everything would be paid for when you committed to being in her wedding and has since gone back on that saying you would be responsible for paying, I think you're perfectly justified in backing out due to the costs. It's almost like she tricked you into being into the wedding and then feeling guilty about not paying to go. That's a lot of money to front, especially for someone you're not very close with.

I would apologize and tell her that because of budget constraints, you're unable to make it.

I would apologize and tell her as soon as possible you can't due to finances. It's a valid reason.

I think it's okay to back out due to the cost alone. It's pretty rude of her to say that everything would be covered and then back out on that after you've committed.

I would tell her as soon as possible, and apologize and say that since the financial circumstances have changed, you can no longer commit to being in the wedding. I agree with everyone else that said what she did was rude.

The thing that you committed to was different — it wasn’t something that would cost you over $2k— because those circumstances changed, it’s reasonable for your attendance to as well.


(do consider though, if you tell her you can’t afford it, what happens if she then offers to pay— id prepare yourself with a contingency plan for that as well!)

Definitely ok to back out. The terms have changed and it has put a significant strain on your budget that you had not anticipated. I would explain to her why you can no longer be part of the wedding. We all have different financial lives and my guess is that she may not have realized it is a big deal to go from "all expenses covered" to "you are on your own." She needs to understand that.

I would talk to her ASAP and just say you aren't able to afford it, especially if you are now on the hook for things you were told earlier would be paid for.

I think the truth is always in order.

I would be upfront and honest about what's making you anxious. Anyone doing a destination wedding should be prepared that things might come up and prevent others from attending!

My sister went through the same thing a few years ago. Her college roommate was getting married in India with a wedding here in the US afterwards. She also decided not to go because of the costs, and her friend was understanding as my sister still participated in the US wedding. I don’t think anyone should put themselves in debt for another’s wedding, and if it is going to be too expensive to attend and participate just tell her so. She’s got to know how much it’s costing her, so I’m sure it won’t be a total surprise if you have to back out. But if you do, the sooner the better so your friend can make other arrangements as needed. Indian weddings are usually a few days long, so it is a lot to ask of anyone. They do look like a lot of fun though if you decide to go.

No shame in backing out. If you didn't like her that much to begin with, I wouldn't have agreed to it in the first place, but that goose is cooked now. IME, Indian weddings are VERY lavish and expensive affairs, so if this was not something you budgeted for because it was "going to be taken care of", then GTFO. Especially if it is a rocky friendship.

If she said all costs were covered and then changed that - I would kindly let her know you committed knowing the cost wouldn't be all on your shoulders. But since it is now you can't afford to go anymore. you've weighed all your options and you can't figure out a way to be there without putting yourself out. I definitely wouldn't wait any longer to tell her that way she can find someone else.

I agree with PPs you are completely justified in backing out! Just make sure you do it ASAP!

View Quoted Comment Thanks for all the help! The complicated thing is that her family gave my husbands business a lot of work this past year, so I feel uncomfortable blaming finances (although it’s very true)

The circumstances have changed, you’re not close to her, and you dislike her family and friends - do yourself a favor and tell her you can’t make it! It’s very rude of her to suddenly forget the tradition she mentioned about paying for you.

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This 100%. Wish her well but back out.

She broke her side of a verbal contract, her promise to pick up expenses. So no harm, no foul, if you say, I have great affection for you but have found that paying for transportation, travel expenses, and clothing, is far beyond my means (income).
I am unable to be in your bridal party, and unable to attend your wedding. I with you live and happiness in your marriage, and would like to celebrate with you once you return here. . . . That is it. She broke the obligation by her decision. No guilt from you. Give them a wedding gift before they leave, if customary. That is it. Still friends.

*I wish you love and happiness... " not "with you live"
...my new phone has intuitive auto correct I cannot turn off!