Backing our Bridesmaids

I wouldn't say your an awful bride. However, it is always a good idea to talk to your bridesmaids individually about their dress budget and try to respect that budget. $160 for a dress they will never wear again is a lot, especially depending on the person's financial situation. Expensive is relative. So while it may not be a big expense for one person, it may be for someone else. That could be their electric bill or car insurance for the month, etc.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Hannah, I did take your advice and I asked the remainder of my bridesmaids what they are comfortable with spending...thankfully the bridesmaid dress can be worn again, I have made sure it is something that isn’t the typical “bridesmaid dress”

My bridesmaids dresses were about $190, but I checked with each girl what they were comfortable spending and each other was fine with anything under $200.

Mine were around $185 with the shipping I believe. I don't think $160 is unreasonable at all for a typical bridesmaid dress. Although they are cheaper at David's bridal. I didn't really ask them a budget on the dress because they accepted being bridesmaids... a dress and shoes is the main thing that comes with that role. If they can't hack it then too bad, exit stage left. The one who "can't deal with being a bridesmaid" sounds rude and/or immature. If she has a lot going on then maybe she shouldn't have accepted. This all puts unnecessary pressure on you. You have a choice now to find a cheaper dress or go with the one you picked. At the end of the day, they all agreed to be bridesmaids.. I never really complained about the color or cost of a bridesmaid dress because I knew going into it. Now over $200-300 for a dress is a different story..

Some people get really overwhelmed. I would try to talk to your friend about why she feels that way. $160 is pretty typical my bridesmaids paid approx $130 for their dresses. I paid for one of my girls because I know she can't afford it. Could you ask your bridesmaid what she can pay and cover the difference?

I spent $180 on my maid of honor dress for my sister's wedding (same dress as the bridesmaids) and I was a measly college student on minimum wage still. $160 isn't too much at all so long as you are requiring them to buy new shows, jewelry, etc. Also consider whether of not you would require them to get their hair and makeup done professionally because if so, everything starts to add up. I am having my bridesmaids get their dress from Azazie.com because the dresses a made well, inexpensive, and the custom sizing is free. I would check them out for sure! Many girls just assume it's expensive to be a bridesmaid, but it doesn't have to be so long as the bride is mindful of cost for them. The overall look for my bridesmaids on the day-of is $130. $100 for their dress and $30 for the faux fur shawl they will wear. Hair and makeup is optional and they can wear whatever they want for shoes and jewelry so long as they aren't distracting.

Have you looked at Bird Grey or Azazie? One of my friends is using Bird Grey and all of the dresses are under $99. Also, Azazie is always having deals and sales. I think $160 could be a little high, but not outrageous.

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Accepting a role as a bridesmaid doesn't just mean "you agree to pay what I choose, dress and shoe wise, as long as it's within a price range I (the bride) deem acceptable." You absolutely, 100% need to ask each wedding party member individually what their budget is. Don't make any assumptions about your friends' financial situations.

"If they can't hack it then too bad, exit stage left"

That's honestly a pretty terrible view of people who are supposed to be your closest friends. This is the definition of using people as props for your wedding.

I got pretty lucky. I didn't want my bridesmaids to pay a lot of money, so I was looking for dresses around $30-$50, but then we found the perfect dress that every girl looked good in and it was $130, way over what I wanted them to pay. But we talked it over and they all said they could and would do it, which was wonderful. Luckily, when they went to purchase the dress, there was a sale where if you bought 2 at one time, it would come out to $70 apiece, so one bridesmaid bought the dresses and everyone paid her back.

We got really beautiful dresses at David's Bridal for $120 and they came in in less than a month! I would suggest checking them out!

I found it a lot easier to pick a color, fabric and length and let the girls pick their own dresses. That way they got to look at a range of prices before ordering.

View Quoted Comment Girlfriend I’ve already gotten married... Nobody once asked me my budget on a bridesmaid dress btw. I bought what the bride wanted and what style everyone collectively chose. My girls did the same. A dress is kind of what you wear to be a bridesmaid, no? Who buys it? Not the bride. Let’s all be adults and realize that yes someone accepted to be a bridesmaid which means purchasing a dress.... And I’ve dealt with two of my bridesmaids causing issues throughout my year of wedding shenanigans. Don’t lecture me, I already know what went on in my experience 👍🏼 Having a best friend be disrespectful to you in your happiest time rather than being helpful is not okay. So yes I said exit stage left because the bride quite frankly doesn’t need the “I can’t deal with being a bridesmaid” crap. She has enough to deal with.

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Just because no one asked you your budget when you were a bridesmaid doesn't mean it's not the best way to go about things. The bride can actually buy the dresses--that's the norm in a lot of cultures and countries. You missed my point entirely--accepting a role as a bridesmaid usually means buying a dress and maybe shoes, but every single person should agree to a budget ahead of time. You don't just get to say "here's the dress, hope everyone's cool with it being $__."

You literally said people could exit stage left if they couldn't afford what you deemed acceptable for them to pay... yeah, that's rude, my dude. I'm sorry you had to deal with bridesmaids causing issues, but brides don't get to dictate how much other people spend on their wedding. Something being done to you doesn't make it cool to do to others. In my years in the wedding industry, this is the attitude that bowls me over the most.

OP: PPs had great advice on dress things. When you say she said she can't deal with being a bridesmaids, is that solely because of the cost of the dress? Are there other activities/responsibilities expected of your gals, maybe?

View Quoted Comment That’s literally not what I said way to take it out of context. It was more to the tune of people wasting brides time by being brats and saying I can’t handle being a bridesmaid. Why did you accept then? There’s zero peer pressure involved. Say no rather than causing the bride unneeded stress from someone she thought was a good friend. I’d be upset too. I was upset in how my best friends treated me because I would never in a million years act the way they did to me as a member of their bridal party. And I didn’t purposely do anything to my girls that was “done to me”. They were fine with the cost of the dress. We didn’t sit there and hash out what they wanted to pay. It’s literally part of the gig to get a dress. And to get all matching dresses in specific colors isn’t always the easiest thing to do for under $100. If that’s so wrong in your eyes. My bad, I’m not here to impress you. 🤷🏻‍♀️ These forums are to give advice to people and I’m giving advice based on the fact that it doesn’t sound good for a bridesmaid to be saying that already when dresses are about the first expense that goes on. Sorry I’m warning people what their friends could potentially do to them which is cause problems if that’s how they already feel. If my bridesmaid would’ve said she can’t handle it I would’ve said okay maybe it’s best you step away from it and take care of the other things you have to do.