“back up” guest list

STDs aren't a call to RSVP and everyone who gets a STD should get an invite. So I'm not exactly sure how STDs will allow you to add extra people...

We didn’t send save the dates to everyone we invited .. just bC my parents didn’t have a full guest list at the time save the dates went out .. so some of our guests got invited without save the dates, it had nothing to do with getting feed back though - you most likely won’t habe people tell you yes / no from save the dates .. if you send out invites and then continue to invite people due to the amount of declines you receive then yes that is rude

People don’t typically respond to a save the date. And we had people that booked hotel rooms after getting the save the date and ended up not being able to make it and people that thought they couldn’t make it ended up able to. I would just stick to the number you can afford to host and send all those people a save the date and invitation.

All of my girlfriends are married, and I’ve had some discussions with them. They actually told me that they had quite a few people reach out to them after STDs went out that they couldn’t be in attendance. Not saying it’s a gaurentee my guests Willis the same but there could be a possibility. (: so just was wondering if this does happen if it would be okay to then add people for invites!

You're not going to get feedback from all of your guests about whether or not they can attend. People don't RSVP to save the dates. If someone has a vacation or something planned, they may tell you, but that's few and far between. What you're describing is fine, in theory, but I don't think it's going to work out the way you think it will. Even if someone says they don't think they can make it, you still have to send an invitation. If something changes, they could end up coming and this will change your head count. I would pick a guest list and stick with it.

The only reason why this is dangerous is people can change their minds. When I married my ex-husband we chose to only send save the dates to his family that would have to travel cross-country. There were 25 of them. When they got the save the dates they all said they wouldn’t be able to make the trip. We sent invites anyway (because etiquette says you send invites to ALL who receive save the dates) and 13 of them ended up coming. If we hadn’t accounted for all those guests and had added 25 extra people, we would have ended up over our guest list and thousands over budget.

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What if Aunt Ida says she can't attend when STDs go out but then life changes and she can once the invites go out? But, oops, you gave away her seat.

This is just a very slippery slope.

This seems like not a very good way to do this. You either want people there or not. Plan and budget your wedding to accommodate the number of people you want to be there. If you need to keep it on the small side because of budget, do it. People will understand. If you want more people to be there, have a more inexpensive wedding (price per guest).

Our guest list is 112 people.
ONE person sent us a card and let us know for health reasons they cant travel.
I would discourage your method.

This is b-listing and is extremely rude. People talk. People on your “back up” list will find out they didn’t get a std but EVERYONE else did and realize they were b-listed. It’s 1000x more offensive to be b-listed than to not get an invite at all.

I dont think a lot of people will give you definite answers, but if they do I think its okay to add a few extra people. We didn't send STDs but this did kind of happen to us - I found out ahead of time that some family was not able to attend, so I invited a few people I otherwise wouldnt have. They all had definite reasons not to come - one lives out of town and would be 8 months pregnant, work conference, other trips planned, etc

View Quoted Comment You can do that if you but if you send someone a save the date you must make sure to send them an invite .. even if they reach out before hand and tell you they can’t make it - things change !