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Bachelorette & shower -no invite 4 weeks away

Elizabeth, on March 23, 2023 at 9:14 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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I’m a bridesmaid in an out of town wedding and I was told by another bridesmaid that the shower is in early May. I have to fly 3 hours for it. The bachelorette party is 7 weeks away and I haven’t received any hotel information. The flight for the bachelorette will be $1500 because of where I live. Am I crazy to be annoyed at this point that I’ve received no official information or invitation for either event? As far as I know, two others have to fly in for the shower too, and all of us are flying for the bachelorette party. I messaged the bride and she said we will be sending it out soon, that was more than a week ago?

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on March 24, 2023 at 12:39 AM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on March 23, 2023 at 9:22 AM
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If I were you, I would just let whoever is hosting these two events know you won't be able to make it. I wouldn't be stressing myself out or spending thousands to attend a shower or a bachelorette party, regardless of whether I was in the wedding or not.
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Elizabeth · on March 23, 2023 at 9:35 AM
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Agreed. I’m wishing I had never verbally committed to going. I almost feel like she doesn’t care if I actually attend. This bachelorette is going to cost me nearly $3K or more if I actually end up going.
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CM · on March 23, 2023 at 9:45 AM
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The real issue is with the over the top expectations, not the timing of the invitation. Showers and bachelorettes are really supposed to be nothing more than fun but minor, local events. This is an outrageous and unreasonable expense. Just say no. You haven't committed to anything yet if there hasn't even been information shared.
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Elizabeth · on March 23, 2023 at 10:00 AM
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Agreed. The airline costs for them are substantially less because they live in a major hub, I don’t think they have even thought about what this will set me back. And honestly I never expected her to take me into consideration because I’m the outlier. But I feel less crazy knowing that others think this is inconsiderate to not be timely with the invites.
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CM · on March 23, 2023 at 10:28 AM
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Whoever was doing the planning for this event should have consulted with you and taken you into account if your presence was important to the bride. Again, there is actually nothing wrong with the timing of the invitations. After all, wedding invitations themselves properly only go out 6-8 weeks ahead. It's the nature of the invitation that is the issue, not considering you or your budget, or involving you in the planning.
IMO this all works out to your advantage because it's easy to say you are just not able to swing the trip if you didn't know what would be involved. Also, why is the bride herself sending invitations? She's not supposed to be planning this.
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Elizabeth · on March 23, 2023 at 10:36 AM
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I should clarify, it is her MOH who is sending out the invites.

And honestly, I don’t think I’m that important to her, if I didn’t go, I don’t think she would lose any sleep. But I wanted her to know I care enough to try to be there.
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Super July 2022
Shannon · on March 23, 2023 at 11:26 AM
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My MOH sent out bachelorette invitations with all of the details, 8 weeks in advance. All of the girls were local except 1.
The MOH in this case is unorganized and should be taking into consideration that flights have to be scheduled and become more expensive closer to the dates.
I would pass at this point as you committed, but it’s not your fault that the info wasn’t passed along in a timely manner. Spending $3k is a ridiculous ask.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on March 23, 2023 at 4:41 PM
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If you have not received at this point, assume there is not one and call the hosts to decline.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on March 24, 2023 at 12:39 AM
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It's fine to decline, especially with the short notice. You can't be expected to keep things on hold forever.
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