My mom is upset because I don’t want her or my junior bridesmaid (12 year old sister) to come. I’ve tried explaining to her that I would just feel uncomfortable and not free to talk about the things I want to talk about or laugh with my other bridesmaids. She’s getting upset and saying that I’m kicking her out of something important to her. I’ve tried to offer having something separate for the both of them to come to but I don’t want to budge because it’s only one time I’m going to be able to have a crazy celebration like this and I want to have fun and feel comfortable. Am i being wrong?
Not at all!! Usually moms don’t come to the bachelorette party. I’m having my mom and my future MIL, but that’s only because we aren’t doing anything crazy and they are really fun to hang out with. It’s completely your decision😊
I understand where you're coming from. If you plan on going out, partying, getting drunk etc... I wouldn't want my mom to that type of celebration either, much less someone underage. Have you told her what you could set up as an alternative event with all 3 of you? If you haven't, maybe make an actual plan of what you could do together and see if that helps make her feel more included.
Not wrong at all! She’s being a bit silly. Is there a bridal shower? She can attend that. Or perhaps you can take the moms out (yours & your MIL) to a brunch? But feel free to stand your ground on the bachelorette party.
Moms are typically not included in the bachelorette party. At least not that I've heard of. Agree with others that maybe trying to plan something different with her may be nice, like a spa day. It also makes total sense to not want to include your 12 year old sister either.
I agree with everyone else, you are not wrong. Is there some way that maybe you can start the events earlier, like do an early dinner, that she and your junior bridesmaid can participate in and then let you and your other bridesmaids go out after? I’ve been to bachelorettes where younger bridesmaids and mothers have attended...but that person was very very family oriented and not interested in a lot of drinking or staying out too late, so what she planned was age appropriate and didn’t make her feel embarrassed. You should absolutely feel comfortable to go out with your bridesmaids that are closer in age and enjoy the night!
Is she maybe confusing your bach with your bridal shower? Or is there a cultural component in play that we're not seeing? Otherwise, I'd find it strange if my mom thought she was coming to my bachelorette/getting upset about not being invited.
I'm glad you're planning something for junior bridesmaid separately, as she deserves to feel included, too.
I think it would be really weird to have a mom and minor at a bachelorette party. It's also not typical for those people to be involved, so I don't know why your mom thought she would be invited and has decided it is important to her. Are you having a shower at all? Could you have a bachelorette party/weekend with your girls and then do a "bachelorette brunch" that includes your your mom and junior bridesmaid, that way they can participate in a part of the pre-wedding fun but also you are free to have a girls night where you don't have to worry about being filtered and proper?
I’ve never been to a bachelorette with anyone’s mom or anyone under the age of 21. So I don’t think you’re in the wrong. Can you plan a daytime or local bachelorette with them? Like a dinner and maybe bowling or something?
I’m a weirdo though and actually invited my mom and 16-year old sister for a part of my bachelorette in Vegas. Haha my sister was part of the wedding party so I wanted her to feel like a part of the bachelorette party, pluuuus they were just there for part of it which was a chill night at a restaurant and brunch the next day. However, my mom is super chill and was like our personal photographer and let my sister take a shot and drink mimosas with us in the room. Trust me— it was a first for all my girls, but they adored my mom. Lol
You could always have a beginning party, like a couple of hours that they are included in and then the rest of you can go off to another place and do the stuff that you don’t necessarily think it’s appropriate for your mom and your junior bridesmaid to be involved in. That way they are sort of involved in the bachelorette party but not for the entirety of the thing and not necessarily for the parts you feel uncomfortable with.
No, you're right. However, having a second party is also okay.
You can have an "Extended Bachelorette." I had a second party for a reason: my first one was a weekend away at Disney. Only my bridesmaids were invited to this one and not everyone could make it. While planning this one, it was decided that a second one would be planned for the same weekend as my bridal shower and it would be local. I was able to invite more people to this one. If you want to do something with your mom and sister during your Bachelorette, you can have a Bachelorette brunch with everyone the next morning that is more age appropriate for your sister to attend. Or, you could all go out to dinner the night of and then part ways with your mom and sister after the meal.
Not wrong at all! It’s YOUR day, it’s borderline selfish (no disrespect to them at all) if they make you feel bad for not being welcomed to a bachelorette that you want to celebrate and just be carefree at! They can enjoy the time at the bridal shower and another day you 3 going to do something! It will all workout! You are the bride!!