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Just Said Yes April 2022

Bachelorette Party Scheduling Conflict

Shannon, on February 5, 2020 at 1:49 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 6

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Hi everyone,

Looking for some advice on the etiquette of asking guests to take time off work for your wedding events. I am having a low-key wedding reception on a Sunday in May with no bridal party, but I did ask my best friend who lives in Seattle (I'm in Chicago) to give a speech, so she's sort of my de-facto MOH. I had originally planned to have my bachelorette party on Friday so that I wouldn't be hungover on my wedding day. I asked a couple of local friends if they would help plan it so they wouldn't feel left out and could more easily coordinate and organize things here.

I just sent out invitations 4 months in advance so that out-of-town guests had time to plan their accommodations, but I just texted my BF asking if she had thought about where she and a group of our college friends were going to stay since we had talked about them renting an Airbnb. She then called me and said that they had already booked their Airbnb for Saturday-Monday, everyone was planning to come in Saturday and that one friend has already booked her flight for Friday evening. I was pretty upset that they had booked their accommodations without talking to me first or waiting for the invitation (I have a wedding site that has a schedule of events listed and the link is on the invite).

So I'm wondering if I should tell my friends to suck it up and come in on Friday knowing that they would have to take off work (it's a 6-hour travel time from Seattle) and possibly change their plans or should I be more accommodating to them and switch the bachelorette party to Saturday? We haven't booked anything for the rehearsal dinner or bachelorette party, so there is time to swap those events.

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Shannon, on February 5, 2020 at 4:49 PM

Legend July 2019
MrsD · on February 5, 2020 at 2:09 PM
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I wouldn't tell them anything. They can always reschedule flights & add another night to their accommodations since you sent out your invites. But if they can't make the Friday bach, they can't make it. You could always still do something Friday with whoever is there, then do a brunch or something Saturday when everyone else arrives. I wouldn't go out partying the night before my wedding personally. I also wouldn't fly in two days before a wedding unless I was a bridesmaid.
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Master September 2019
Sherry · on February 5, 2020 at 2:19 PM
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You can tell your friends to come in whenever you want but that doesn't mean they will or have to. Sounds like they have already made their travel plans.
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Dedicated October 2020
Lacy · on February 5, 2020 at 3:50 PM
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Nobody is required to come to your bachelorette party. Most bachelorette parties don't even occur on the same weekend as the wedding. It really shouldn't be something that you throw for yourself, and asking traveling guests to take both a Friday and a Monday off to attend your wedding is a lot. I recognize that you didn't ask anybody to take off Monday, but a lot of people will want the Monday following a Sunday reception off so that they can enjoy it to its fullest. If you want to have a pre-wedding event that all of your friends can attend, I suggest doing something low-key on a Saturday night and limit yourself to a couple drinks so you aren't feeling nasty on Sunday.
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Savvy December 2021
Mary · on February 5, 2020 at 4:03 PM
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Agreed. If they can't make it, they can't make it! The wedding itself is the celebration, anything else is just a bonus celebration that no one is obligated to
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on February 5, 2020 at 4:13 PM
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I think it’s fine to ask them if they can come in for the Friday bachelorette party, but if they can’t then you can’t make them take off work or change their schedules. If they’re unable to come in until Friday night or Saturday then I’d just have a low key bachelorette on Saturday (you can still have fun without drinking too much...) or skip it altogether
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Just Said Yes April 2022
Shannon · on February 5, 2020 at 4:49 PM
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Thank you all, this is all helpful and the complete opposite of what my fiance said lol. To give some context, our wedding is Memorial Day weekend so Monday is a holiday for most people. My reason for having it the same weekend was because I didn't want to force people to travel on two separate occasions for me. I've been invited to many bachelorette weekend trips, so my way of doing things seemed less intense than that in my mind, but it's good to hear a different perspective.
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