Bachelorette party for an eloped couple

Where I come from, everyone pays their way for attending a bachelorette - i.e. it may cost everyone $120 to attend which will cover $70 for dinner, $40 for stretch limo, $10 for pre-dinner nibbles etc.

With that said, the costs are always communicated to people in advance and generally no one has their 'seat' secured until they pay for their attendance in advance (as is the norm in my circles).

I think the planning was a bit poor in that payment should have been requested upfront but given it was communicated that everyone would be paying their share, I think it is reasonable that any drop outs should be covering the cost of their attendance if it is a cost that the person who has organised everything cannot recover themselves for the cancellations.

Hmmm, when the organiser reaches out to you I would ask them to confirm what the costs are for and that they are not refundable - depending on what was organised there may be actual costs already incurred which are non-refundable but it is hard to say without knowing what the costs to be paid back were actually covering.

Did you agree to pay for the designated amount? Or did you just say yeah I'm interested and then they sent you a bill?

I would seek clarification on how much is owed. It sounds like the communication was poor, but maybe you could still help the family member recoup some of the loss. The bride is probably hurt that people didn’t attend her party and the family member is likely thinking, “No good deed goes unpunished.” This may be your opportunity to help the situation not be so disappointing