Bachelorette Party Etiquette

It does seem odd to plan 2 different events unless its like a big group wedding weekend thing. But I wouldnt be too upset about it. It doesnt sound like youre close anyway, and most likely its only the bridal party going out of town.

That’s weird af. It seems like a money/free stuff grab to me. If you wanted to be so “adamantly inclusive” you invite EVERYONE to EVERYTHING and whoever makes it to what is up to them. I would still find it weird to have two events especially when one is a getaway 🤨
Sounds like a B-list UNLESS some small friend group threw it as a surprise.

I don't know if it's rude because this is the first I've heard of it. Brides have multiple showers and rarely is the guest list the same. Not everyone gets invited to the luncheon, dress appointments, etc.

A couple thoughts are going through my head. Is the out of state bridal party only? Is the one local so she can celebrate with those who aren't in the bridal party? Have they been planning the out of state trip for a while? Did the bridal party plan the out of state trip?

If you feel slighted, you can always decline. If you are not that close to her, I would probably just let it go. And if there was no one else I knew going, I would really only decline because of that. 20 people is a lot to keep together

View Quoted Comment Hi Janet, the answer to all your questions is….i really don’t know. All of your suggestions could be possibilities. I have heard of multiple showers and stuff like that but i have never heard of multiple bachelorettes. In my mind the bachelorette events were always for those who were close. Perhaps if this other event was called something other than a bachelorette it wouldn’t feel so weird to me. I’m already attending the shower. So i likely will be declining any further events she feels inclined to include me in.

I’ve had multiple friends and acquaintances have multiple bachelorette parties, and it has never been done as a gift grab or with any malicious intent. A lot of times when this happens it is because the bride has multiple groups of friends, or friends in different cities/states; so multiple events are held so she can celebrate with each group. It isn’t intended to be exclusionary, it’s just to make things easier; especially if the groups of friends don’t really know each other well. I know if I were the subject of a celebration, and friends from multiple groups who didn’t know each other well (or at all) were all in attendance, I would feel a sense of responsibility to introduce everyone, entertain everyone, try to make sure everyone was having fun and getting along, etc. Putting that stress on the bride really takes the fun away from the event! And I think that stress would be compounded if you are now throwing people who don’t know each other into a weekend long travel situation! I have multiple groups of friends who have never met each other, or have only met casually a couple times, and there is no way I would want all of them to travel together for my bachelorette! I would be worried the entire time that someone was feeling uncomfortable, left out, awkward, wasn’t having a good time, etc. Another thing I’ve seen happen is one of the events is a surprise, planned by a friend or family member of the bride. If the bride has a close core friend group, it would only be natural that members of that group would plan something just among themselves. Honestly, I would not take any of this personally. You have no idea if the bride had any knowledge of the trip or was in charge of any of it. And even if she was, it doesn’t mean there was any malicious intent behind it. It very well could have been done for the comfort of others, rather than throw them into an awkward traveling situation with strangers. I would be happy that she has extended the invitation to one of her pre-wedding celebrations, and would use that opportunity to have fun and strengthen your relationship with her.

View Quoted Comment So many great points here Cece. Unfortunately in this situation there is a lot more cross over than some of your examples suggest. Also I’m not suggesting there is any malicious intent on any one’s behalf. I just wasn’t sure if this is a very common thing to have a both vacay bachelorette and a local bachelorette. I’m happy for her that she is having a great bachelorette weekend and I actually strongly encouraged her to have one regardless of who would be able to attend, if that was what she wanted. Thanks for the advice. I will certainly keep it in mind.

Maybe the bride felt weird asking certain people to travel. Maybe the bach is divided up by different friend circles. Who knows.


I find an invite to a shower to be more gift grabby then an invite to a bach, unless it's an expensive party and everyone is pitching in. I can see why you are put off, but I also don't see the point in assuming the worst.
At worst, this confirms what you already know. You're not that close. You weren't expecting an invite to the bach in the first place. I wouldn't waste too much head space on this.

Multiple bachelorette parties is as extravagant as bachelorette destination weekends. They are a new fad that not everyone is completely in tune with and often they create more chaos and headache than they are said to alleviate.


It’s strange on its own that you are invited to an intimate party with people you barely know if at all. Like the shower, the bachelorette is only for and by the bride’s closest innermost social circle, not random people to have even numbers. And the costs involved are astronomical with no cap or oversight to be “Instagramable”. Personally, I would decline this event and not worry about it further.

To answer your question, I've never heard of someone having more than one bachelorette. I would think that socially it would risk hurting feelings, as has happened in your case. If it risks hurting people's feelings, it's not a good idea.

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The points Cece made are the only logical reasons I could come up with for this situation that don't look bad on the bride, so if there is a ton of overlap I'd say yeah, this looks bad on the bride (and/or her friends - it's possible she wasn't informed about how the guest lists for each event were being handled and thought everyone was being invited to both).

I have been involved in a "multiple bachelorette" situation only once, and it went like this: one of my 3 best friends from grad school was getting married. All 4 of us (the grad school friend circle) lived in Chicago, but most of the bride's other friends and family were in the upstate NY/PA area where she grew up. So her MOH threw her a bachelorette and bridal shower in that area, all in one weekend. We (her grad school friends) were invited to those events, but I was the only one who could make it. The other 2 girls were sad to have missed it, so the 3 of us took her out for a mini-bachelorette in Chicago a few weeks later. The bride and I were the only "overlap" and everyone knew why we were doing it (and the second event was really just a typical night out for our little friend group that happened to include a silly sash and tiara, LOL - hardly a big "bachelorette" event).

If the destination bachelorette includes just a small subset of the guest list for the larger local event, then it feels very "A list / B list" to me. If she's going to do that, she should at least have the decency to keep it off social media - people would probably find out anyway, but you don't have to advertise it! Having two bachelorettes and posting the one that not everyone was invited to seems a bit obliviously self-centered and attention-seeking to me.

View Quoted Comment Elizabeth—yes totally get your previous experience and feel that makes sense especially with different friend groups across different states. From what i can tell it seems as though it was her bridal party but not all of them. She is having a large bridal party so it makes sense that not everyone could be there. So while i do understand the desire to have multiple events to include as many as possible I do think it would have been better to just limit both events to her bridal party and not create this dichotomy. This wedding season has been so interesting to me. I only have 4 invites so no where near as many as some. But i do feel like whether it’s post Covid rebellion or trying to be more modern—that people are bucking tradition and etiquette. Unfortunately while etiquette may be old fashion and antiquated to some, i feel like it has been in place for as long as it has because it creates common boundaries, keeps things clear and prevents hurt feelings. People should consider this when straying from what is “typical” or “expected”.

View Quoted Comment Exactly! The whole point of etiquette *should* be to make sure your guests feel comfortable and welcomed. I’m all for tossing out meaningless traditions (I skipped several that I found to be pointless or sexist), but you always need to ask yourself the question “is this decision going to hurt someone I care about?” Empathy over etiquette, LOL.