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Just Said Yes September 2022

Bachelorette party disaster

on February 5, 2020 at 7:30 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5

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My best friend of 20 years asked me to be her MOH two years ago when she got engaged. She officially set the date in Nov. ‘19 for a wedding in June of 2021. For Christmas 2019, she let all of her bridesmaids know she wanted them by her side. Besides the occasional Snapchat of “set the date” or “we hired a DJ!”, she doesn’t really talk to me about the wedding. Until...she set up a group text with all of her bridesmaids and myself. Her bosses daughter (and bridesmaid) who is very well off and wealthy sent a text saying we should start planning the bachelorette party. In an instant, the bride to be was listing all of the destinations she was thinking about for the party (unbeknownst to me) to include spots in south Florida, california, Vegas. Most of us are in Massachusetts. Immediately I was confused because I hadn’t heard about any of it until then. She knows that I’ve been a little reoccupied lately as I lost my father in the same month that she set the date and booked her venue, and immediately following that I bought my first house.
It’s been about 3 weeks since I closed. Her friends were suggesting some things for the trip that I knew wouldn’t be affordable for most. I was getting texts on the side from some people saying there was no way they could do what the bosses daughter was suggesting. So, I got a little upset over the fact that I wasn’t kept in the loop, I had a bomb dropped on me, and was expected to all of a sudden make decisions that I wasn’t ready for.
I brought it up to the bride to be. She’s been my best friend since we were 8 and I have always told her everything. I thought she would appreciate my opinion but it came out the wrong way. I let my emotions fly and it wasn’t right of me. She immediately texted the group and said she wanted to take a step back and reevaluate things. Now, she hasn’t talked to me in a week. We usually talk EVERY day, all day. I tried apologizing and it went completely ignored. She’s cutting me off for being concerned and expressing myself. Is this right? I don’t know whether I need to just let it blow over or expect to be fired from MOH and best friend. There’s still a year and a half until the wedding...can this really go on for that long?!

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5 Comments

Latest activity by MrsD, on February 5, 2020 at 1:07 PM

Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 5, 2020 at 7:53 AM
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Hmmmm....I do not know exactly what you said but did you come off in a way that offended her? I get that you were going through things but technically the MOH does not have to be the one to organize the bachelorette rather the bridal party can help. Sorry to say this as I do not intend to be rude but possibly nothing was said from you and the other bridesmaids stepped in. I would have done that. I am the first to suggest bridal showers and bachelorettes. I do not think they were doing it to spite you but maybe they felt you were not able to. I have been a bridesmaid where the MOH was well off so her tastes are different. I would just reign it all in and suggest an affordable option but I feel that since you all live out of state a travel option would be best and it is normal for brides to make suggestions of where to go because often we as brides know how we would like the bachelorette to be while some do not. If you cannot afford to go then just say that to the bride but maybe prior to the wedding plan a special outing with her just you two. Again, I am not sure what you exactly said to her but there are one of two possibilities: you offended her greatly to where she does not want to talk to you for a bit or you did not say much but she overreacted as she is excited about her upcoming day and others not feeling the same could have upset her. Give her time to cool off but also friendships do change over the years. Maybe write an email or text to her discussing the situation and how you admit you were out of line and how you really want to talk to her to make things right and if she does not respond then I would just back off until she comes around. I hope I did not come off rude.
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Just Said Yes September 2022
· on February 5, 2020 at 8:01 AM
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No you didn’t come off as rude, I think you just validated what I’ve been stewing over for the last week or so. I do understand it’s an exciting time and she wants everyone to be excited too. I am!
And it wasn’t so much that anyone thought I couldn’t do it I don’t believe. Everyone was asking for my final approval/opinion on things. I thought it was just moving too quickly and the ones who couldn’t afford it (not me, I would make it work), were pulling me to the side and saying they felt pressured. So it’s more that I wasn’t prepared to deal with that and that a heads up would have been helpful because I hadn’t put a lot of thought into it before that day. That’s just the way I feel I guess. I’m going to try to get together with her to talk again face to face as she won’t respond to my messages. Sincere thanks for the input!!!
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 5, 2020 at 8:15 AM
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No problem. I do feel face to face is best to avoid any confusion in tones. If the other ladies cannot make it then what could the feasibly do? Does the bride live far from you and the other ladies where you could do a night out for dinner and drinks and she can still do the travel one too?
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VIP September 2020
Neeva · on February 5, 2020 at 9:57 AM
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These situations are always hard and it sucks to be in the middle of this all.
My bachelorette party ended up being more expensive than I would have liked, but I didn't plan it. Most felt comfortable with costs except for one and she had a hard time speaking up.
I think that the priority here is to mend your friendship. Give her another week to cool off and then reach out again.
As for the bachelorette, you girls will need to reach out to her regarding budget together at some point but leave the bride out of it. I'm sure there is compromise somewhere
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on February 5, 2020 at 1:07 PM
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I would give her a little bit of space, maybe another week or two. I think a good option is for the boss's daughter to plan some kind of destination bachelorette for the girls who can afford it, then you plan a more low-key one in Massachusetts for the rest. Typically I'd say just plan the one in MA but from the sounds of it, I think it might be better to plan the two for people according to budgets. After you & the bride are talking again, I'd propose that idea to her.
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