Bachelorette Party Decorations

Have you discussed budgets ahead of time with the other attendees? It’s typically considered rude to just tell people they owe money for something when they had no input in the planning. Bachelorette parties don’t need to be extravagant, nor do they require decorations. I would just make sure whatever if planned is within the budget of those who agreed to pay.

I agree with Hannah. If no one has indicated the intention to contribute then no, it’s not appropriate. Likewise, expenses and planning need to be done In consultation with those who are interested, not imposed.

What did everyone indicate was their budget for this party? Did they offer to contribute? Were they all ok with a multi-night stay somewhere?

If you've discussed budget and come up with an agreement with them about how much to spend, then that's the budget. You could ask something like "if anyone wants to kick in $20 for decorations that would be appreciated but no pressure" that would probably be fine. I definitely wouldn't just add the money to the bill without disclosing what you've done.

The MOH is not obligated to plan or pay for the bachelorette.

View Quoted Comment I told everyone we would stay under $500 for the house (the bride wants to spend most of the time hanging by the pool so that is the only large cost) and it comes out to $460 a person. I was thinking of asking $475 each but letting them know I added a little extra to help with decorations.

Wow, that's a fair chunk of money. I would definitely ask before adding anything more. To me it feels really presumptuous to spend other people's money without asking first. They will also presumably have to budget for dinners/food/alcohol etc.

Is it local or destination? Budgets should have been discussed at the beginning before planning ever started. What kind of decorations cost that much honestly? Asking for additional money is not appropriate. Why is the maid of honor not participating in any planning? Who exactly is hosting? If 2 of you are pregnant, why are you expected to provide and consume alcohol?

View Quoted Comment Everyone keeps saying it is not appropriate but should we just have almost no decorations? It's a destination bachelorette and I've never been to one where the house wasn't decorated and there were gift bags for everyone. I just want the bride to have a great experience. I don't mind putting in extra money, as a bridesmaid I think it's expected, but I wasn't expecting it to all fall on only 2 of us. The MOH basically just assumed the other 3 bridesmaids would plan everything - never even made an effort. All 3 of us are pregnant, one won't be there because it is too close to her due date. The bride shouldn't miss out on a great bachelorette because all of her friends got pregnant at the same time. I really just don't know what to do here.

Well if you all decided to go with a destination bachelorette, then you can float the idea of decorations and ask if people want to contribute. You may get pushback though, because you're asking for a lot of financial commitment from the people invited. Despite what you see on social media, I think people are pointing out that expensive multi day destination bachelorettes can be difficult, as you're finding out.

The MOH is not obliged to attend or help fund this if she's not able to go. How many people are planning to actually attend and have paid for the house so far?

If you're at a destination in a house, I'm not really sure you need decorations at all. Maybe get a cute cake and call it a day.

View Quoted Comment Set and maintain boundaries. Learn to say no like a broken record because you are being railroaded in this situation. Being pregnant is irrelevant to the fact that the maid of honor wants (collective) you to plan a destination party that is already hard enough to maneuver when the attendees are not pregnant and then she does not take part in any way. Placing the entire planning responsibility on you and the other bridesmaid is not acceptable in any way and even if you disagree, you have been and are continuing to be bullied by the maid of honor who wants no part of the trip. The responsible thing to do is not cave and don’t plan the party. Have something local such as lunch with the bride the day before the wedding. A bachelorette party is optional and many brides do not have destination trips. If they do have a bachelorette party, it is often local the week of the wedding, as past generations are very familiar with. Destination bachelorette parties did not exist prior to the Kardashians and social media presents them as required or else you have no friends, which is classic gaslighting and has no basis in reality or among people who do not have celebrity incomes and schedules.

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How is MOH bullying anyone? She wasn’t assuming anything or pressuring anyone. She is not obligated to participate in planning, co-hosting or paying for OP’s out of town bachelorette. These things are always not only optional but completely voluntary, as you pointed out. You can’t have it both ways.

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Where did she say that the MOH was making them do this? Was her post edited? I haven't seen anything like that noted. The one thing I read was that the MOH was unable to attend and is not involved in the planning, which is fair.

OP, I would say that unless people are offering, I would keep further costs low. You said the bride basically just wants to hang by the pool, so you're probably fine.

View Quoted Comment ETA if anything the “assumption” that those participating are the ones who plan and pay is completely fair and justified. No one was bullied,

I totally agree that most bachelorettes I have attended or participated in have had some decorations or favor. While I didn't ever ask for help paying for favors/things that I've organized, I've had good luck finding decorations for a reasonable price through Amazon (kits for under $20), Oriental Trading (individual items from $1.99-$30), and Facebook marketplace has TONS of stuff for sale that people didn't use, couldn't return, or just changed their minds on.

If you were to send a text out about asking people to contribute I would phrase it something along the lines of "I'm excited to share this weekend with everyone and I know we're all here to make sure ___ has the best bachelorette possible. While we didn't include decorations, etc. in the overall cost, if anyone is willing to contribute it would be much appreciated but definitely not assumed or expected." That puts it out on the table, but people can decide whether they're able to contribute. Keep it simple for your sake and saving your money but don't go over the top!

Etsy also has a ton of good sales right now on bachelorette favors with everything from sunglasses, beach towels, emergency kits, etc. Good luck!

You can't just stack on more to the bill without input, even if it's under budget. A budget is how much they are willing to spend on AGREED upon items. Meaning, if the original list didn't include décor, you do not get to add it unless they all agree.

Also, you do not have to have decorations. You're already going on a destination trip. While nice, it's not mandatory. Yeah it can add to the ambiance, but really the company is what gives the experience.

Congratulations on y'alls pregnancies. Not sure what it has to do with the bachelorette party planning though. Life happens. And the MOH isn't going. It's not surprising the planning falls on the other bridesmaids. Not a lot of people, (wedding party included) want to spend the time and money to plan a vacation they aren't attending. It doesn't make them bad people.