Bachelorette drag……

So are you actually planning the bachelorette party? It sounds like you are, but then you said you don’t know who’s planning it. I know for me it felt like pulling teeth when I was trying to get the other girls on board. Maybe they were under the impression that you were planning & they don’t have much input since they feel like you already have an idea on how you want it to go.
If you have a MOH you can talk to her directly and ask if she’s planning it & just give her your vision for the party. This way she knows, because usually your wedding party plans it for you that way you don’t have to. It cut out the extra stress.

Is it maybe a bit much to have both a shower and a bachelorette party?

It sounds like a lot of expenses for your bridal party. I presume they all agreed to come ahead of time, but maybe they weren't all that enthusiastic? Sometimes it's just nicer to have a small gathering like an afternoon tea or evening out if that's your thing, and have a really good time, rather than expect people to engage in expenses when they understandably have other priorities, both financially and in terms of using up their annual leave.

If you are lucky enough to have a group of friends able to afford the trip with you, I think it's probably fair for you to do the planning. Surely the trip abroad is enough of an event in itself without a lot of extra logistics anyway? Maybe they're a little overwhelmed at the mounting costs and don't want to sound overenthusiastic for fear of more things getting added on.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for your input, the bachelorette was optional. No one was forced to go… I asked whoever wants to go let me know, most did…a few didn’t.


Bridal shower was two months ago, Bach is in two months. There have been no expenses in the past two months for the wedding. And everything is already paid for for the trip in two months.

View Quoted Comment Hi! So anytime I mentioned any planning they said I’m not supposed to plan my own bach. I said ok, but I will take care of the logistics (booking the trip) and from there everyone can take over with the planning.


Haven’t heard from anyone since I booked the trip.

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Maybe they want to surprise you. They prob don't say anything because they have it planned or they already have an idea of what they want to do for you. So when you ask they won't say much because they don't want to give it away. Possibly?

View Quoted Comment I don’t think so lol because no one asked me what I wanted to do or what I have in mind. Anytime I try to get a conversation going I barely get any feedback… and I honestly think no one wants to plan it because last time two people ended up doing all the work. It’s like a group project where everyone gets credit but not everyone participates.


My fiancé is having his bach… all he has to do is show up. His best man is taking care of everything

View Quoted Comment Ohhh, okay. I gotcha. I know you prob don’t want to micromanage but could you maybe assign task? Or let them know like hey this is the idea I had in mind someone can be in charge of food, another decor, another one games etc. Also give a timeline on when they should have the money and who should be collecting the money. At least that way it kinda get the ball rolling for them.

View Quoted Comment Ughhhhhhhh I feel like when I do that I come off as if I’m taking over or micromanaging. So this time I’ve tried to be laid back and let them do everything. And I just realized actually the trip is next month in August… yikes! Maybe I need to step it up and express my vision. I don’t even think they’re doing any type of decorations or games or anything honestly. I literally have not heard one word of anything at all! The most I got is “I’m going to buy a new suitcase” or “I need to go shopping”.


🤷🏽‍♀️

View Quoted Comment Oh wow. And you’re 100% sure they’re not trying to surprise you?

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I'm sorry you're going through stress with your friends yet again. Hon, I don't think anyone will be going. They may be planning their own vacations. Your expectations may be too high with this group. Go with your partner somewhere special for your honeymoon. They are your person.

View Quoted Comment Everything is already booked, they paid for All Inclusive about a month and a half ago.

View Quoted Comment No but I doubt it lol we haven’t spoken in about a month and a half. After the shower everyone pretty much went back to their lives and there hasn’t been any wedding talk. I just left it alone because the next even wasn’t until Aug… but now that we’re in July I’m trying to get the ball rolling.

View Quoted Comment I’d definitely bring it back up and see if you get any feedback. It also gives you the opportunity to tell them your vision.

View Quoted Comment Yeah they were discussing last night…I fell asleep. So I just messaged them and told them what I want to do and what I envision.


I have one bridesmaid who doesn’t like planning and constantly volunteers (she’s actually the matron of honor) to do something then cancels and puts it off on someone else. But she likes to micromanage and make decisions based on what she wants without asking if it’s what I want… she’s like the one who thinks it’s her wedding. She doesn’t know how to plan for others only for herself lol

View Quoted Comment Lol - I understand. I am definitely the planner for sure. But I try to get the input of others before I take the lead. Let’s hope she’s going to have a change of heart and include everyone & take the lead and not put it off on someone else.

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Well, let's hope their deposits will be enough motivation for them to book that flight. It's a choice to micromanage friends who are paying $ to be with you. You all don't have to be on the same flight. They can cab it.

View Quoted Comment Yeah but it’s not a deposit. Everything is paid for and booked. Flight, hotel, All inclusive. We are flying together and residing together in the same room.

If everything is paid for, I'm not sure what there is left to say or plan? All they need to do is show up?

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Sorry - yes it does seem like they're all up for the trip then! I'm sure you'll have a lovely time as a holiday with friends before the wedding is a nice thing to have for sure.

If they’ve already paid for the trip, and it’s an all-inclusive resort, I’m not quite sure what all you are expecting them to plan. It is asking a lot of them to travel with you out of country for you bachelorette party, so insisting on decorations, games, and additional outings could be rubbing them the wrong way.