Bachelorette Dilemma

Would you be going anywhere with alcohol? It is possible to go to Lake Tahoe and not have alcohol to accommodate your sister. Or were you planning on having alcohol at the house where you stay? If so, that's not really specific to Lake Tahoe, that would happen wherever you went. It is your day and you should do what you want! I know this is easier said than done. I've just been through an experience where I was trying to make my family happy, and I just had to remember it is my day!

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I want alcohol. I want to have a great time and drink. I hardly ever drink as it is. So when I finally have something to celebrate and it's about me, then yes, I would like to drink! I actually cried over it. My sister who is planning it is basically saying we shouldn't drink because everyone will be uncomfortable drinking around my sister that has the problem. I would prefer her not come than have it be a damper on the whole trip. I just gave in and said that I don't want to have one if everyone is uncomfortable to drink around her.

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If that's what you want then go for it!! That's so sad that you cried over it. So you aren't having a party then?

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I don't think I am. I'm pretty upset about it all.

If I were you I would talk to your sister that is struggling. I believe you should have what you want and she should stay home if it’s a trigger for her. This is about YOU.

Is your sister actively drinking or is he recent to recovery? If she is in recovery, I'm not sure if she is in a program like AA, but she should start learning how to live in a world with alcohol. I have several people in my family who are in recovery and have no problem being around people who drink, and my family will still drink around them. Not sure if this would cause more family drama for you, but could you do a weekend away with your friends (or even something local, but with alcohol) and then a special day with just you and your sisters that doesn't involve drinking (maybe spa day or something like that). I do think you should be able to have the occasion you would like and I don't think you should have to fully accommodate your sister's alcohol problem to do so. Good luck!

I think I would talk to your two sisters individually. Because you want to be able to have alcohol in the house for drinks or go out to bars for a drink during your bachelorette (very normal, and nothing to feel guilty about) then you can and should do so!

I would talk to your MOH sister and tell her the type of party you would like to have, and again reiterate the location you want - the location really shouldn't be the issue because let's be honest you can find alcohol anywhere. If she feels angry about not including your sister or doesn't want to be the bad guy in telling her (you can't blame her lol, but if things get emotional try and cut it short from confrontation), let her know that you also plan to talk to your other sister, and know it is a sensitive topic. With that said, moving forward remove your older sister from any group texts, emails, etc. in regards to the bachelorette party.

Then talk with your older sister...this will likely be uncomfortable, but likely not unlike conversations the two of you have had in the past. You understand she is struggling, and are sympathetic to her in the fact that you do not want to put her in a position to be around alcohol. Because there will knowingly be alcohol at the bachelorette, you feel it would not be appropriate to attend. Prepare for her feelings to be hurt, but she will hopefully see this in the light that you are trying to portray: you want to keep your sister out of a tempting situation in which she is making efforts to stop/avoid. Try and focus on other events that you are excited for her to participate in, like the bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, and wedding itself! Maybe set up a day for the two of you to get pedicures and have lunch for some one on one time Good luck!!

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Awe I'm so sorry. Is this sister apart of your bridal party? You may be able to have a bacchelorette party with just your bridesmaids if not. Just an idea.

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She is actively drinking and I know she would create drama and probably ruin the weekend. She is refusing any type of help. She went through rehab for 30 days, then started drinking as soon as she got home.

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Thank you for that! I feel sad that she will most likely be excluded. Her alcoholism is kind of a recent thing and it's very sad that she is going through this. I had dreamed about these events my whole life and had always imagined both my sisters being involved in every aspect of it. It's going to be a hard pill to swallow, but I will find a way through it!

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Yeah, she is one of my bridesmaids. Growing up we all decided between us who will be who's MOH and it's my little sister's turn to be my MOH, so my eldest sister is a bridesmaid.

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Thank you! Looks like I am going to have to do that.

It sounds like the two options you have is 1. Don't invite her or 2. Don't have alcohol. She obviously can't handle being around alcohol so those are really the only options you seem to have. Just because you are getting married doesn't mean your sister's behavior is suddenly going to improve that's not how it works. My dad is a recovering alcoholic and he hates being around it. He left my reception early because he didn't want to be around it. While I wish my dad could have been at the reception the whole time, I understand that being around alcohol for several hours was way too tempting for him. I knew well in advance he was leaving early and I just had to accept it because that was what was best for him. Your sister not being around alcohol would be what is best for her so you can't have it both ways. You either accept that your sister won't attend or that you won't have alcohol. I don't drink, but even if I did I would want my sister at my party more than I would want alcohol, but that is a decision you must make. However, be prepared for your other sister not to attend either if you don't invite your older sister. My brother left early with my dad.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I have a sister who is in recovery for gambling so Vegas was out of the question for us. I know it’s hard but it is ultimately about you and you should have the best time! I hope it all works out.

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Thank you! It's a tough situation, as you know.

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I agree fully with this post. I am empathetic to your situation as I do feel like you deserve a special day and I am sure as the middle child you have had to play second to them and for that I am sorry. However, if your big thing is you want Lake Tahoe and alcohol to drink then your option will be to not have your sister but she will be hurt. It is a catch 22 because she does not deserve to ruin your day but she will feel left out. I also do not feel you should forego your bachelorette as this is your upcoming day and you deserve a celebration. Has your sister acknowledged she is an alcoholic? I ask because if not then asking her to come and not drink won't work. I know alcohol is a good time but may I ask how important is it? I would almost suggest have a night out with the other ladies locally and drink to your hearts content and maybe may the weekend in Lake Tahoe a dry weekend. I know that is not what you want but I feel omitting the alcohol would be the only solution in which your sister can come, your friends will come and you have your weekend. Otherwise, you will need to just tell your other sister that she cannot come but I foresee that causing family issues.

View Quoted Comment How can you say this?? Why isn't your sister and loved one more important to you than a stupid party?? First of all, it's a party that your bridesmaid plans for you if they're NICE ENOUGH to do so. You don't get a say unless they ask you. And again, why isn't your sister's health more important than a party!?

View Quoted Comment I guess if you’ve never been in this position then you wouldn’t understand. Addicts and alcoholics do not care about anyone or anything besides their next fix/drink. Try having a sister that has caused so much chaos in your family in the last year and not even have a clue or a care in the world. Try having a sister that has made false allegations about their husband and is constantly fighting with him in front of her children, whom ignores her kids when they beg for her attention, whom kicks her own parents out of her house when they beg her to get help and get well, whom puts their children at risk while they are urgently trying to make their way to buy herself her next bottle of booze. I’m sorry if you think I am being insensitive and you think my sisters health isn’t as important to me than a party. This whole year my wedding has been overshadowed by her ongoing constant problems that she refuses to get help for. Sorry but not sorry for wanting to have one weekend where I don’t have to worry about her or have it be about her. This is MY wedding and this is supposed to be MY happy time!!!

View Quoted Comment Gotcha. Maybe just talk to her and tell her how you feel. It's your day and if you really want a party then you should get one.

View Quoted Comment First of all, my mother is an alcoholic. But she is in denial and not wrecking havoc.



You gave me a ton of background information that wasn't there before. The implication was that she was in recovery which is why I responded how I did. Reading everything, I agree that you should have the party you want and NOT invite her.
Please understand though, that while you owe us nothing here on wedding wire, you might get more helpful advice if you include some key background.
Good luck with your journey. I hope you have an AMAZING Bachelorette party and an even better wedding and marriage