Bachelorette &bridal shower

I think it's rude to plan your own bachelorette and/or shower anytime, pandemic or not.

You asked if it was rude, I answered that yes, it is rude. You don't "put it on" anyone to plan parties for you, people offer to host events for you. It's rude to throw any pre-wedding event to honor yourself.

These ARE unprecedented times and it's safe to assume that many people you know are terribly worried about money, health, travel, time, etc.

I would not be planning a party like you describe and I CERTAINLY would not attend one. It's seems nice on the surface to tell people you understand if they don't come, but there is just so much tacit pressure when a bride plans her own destination party. Your invitees are likely worried about disappointing you even if it's not in their own best interest to attend. I think it's far kinder not to add to their stress during this time.

Can you add that detail to your post? The way you have written it, it definitely sounds like you are planning it yourself, with all of your worries about feeling bad about planning it. Anyway, my answer still stands that a destination party this July is a huge imposition on guests, for money and health reasons. I think you are better off waiting to celebrate with everyone in October.

I mean i get the idea that it is hard times for people and some have been hard hit compared to others but at the end of the day, whomever can and wants to make it, will say so. like if i lost my job during this and knew that i couldn't afford to go to your bachelorette, i would definitely say so.

While it's not traditional for a bride to plan her own bachelorette or shower, I honestly don't get how planning and paying for your own event is somehow more rude than expecting other people to offer to host one for you. If you are a MOH and don't plan a shower or bachelorette for your bride are you rude for not offering? Honestly the "etiquette" gets out of hand some times and just doesn't make practical sense at all. I do think its a bit weird to plan something and expect other people to pay for it, but to help your friends put together something meant to celebrate you doesn't seem like the worst crime out there.

I do think you should let your own heart guide this one a bit. If you feel guilt for planning an event (or hosting an event, or having one planned for you) at this time, then it's clearly not the time. On the one hand some people feel really safe going out with trusted friends and are looking for a reprieve from everything bad that is happening right now, on the other hand some people really feel pressure to go along with things that make them uncomfortable and hesitate to say no. You know your friends better than we do. It sounds like you're already far enough along in the planning process, but I would have recommended you reach out to your girls prior to booking and ask them what they think of the plan? If a majority seem less than 100% gung ho, I would have held off. You could probably still do this now if you are able to cancel the rooms. Just keep in mind that even giving girls an out isn't the same as not putting them in a position to have to make a decision in the first place.

We had a number of friends who RSVPed yes to our wedding even as everything was shut down. When we canceled a number of people said they were sorry we had to cancel but relieved, because they wouldn't have felt confident that it would have been the celebration we wanted. I think they still would have come, but putting them in a compromising position and possibly risking their safety wouldn't have been the right decision.

No I don't think it's rude. As someone from Wisconsin also I think most people are ready to go back into the world. I would keep in mind that Lake Geneva will probably be packed!

If your wedding isn't until October I personally would wait longer to have your bachelorette party. I am invited to one in July that is supposed to be 22 girls at a Airbnb in wine country. I know that won't happen, and the backup plan is for just the bridal party (5 girls) to go to the grooms cottage for a weekend. As a bridesmaid in the wedding I feel I absolutely MUST go to the bachelorette regardless of my comfort level... and I don't like feeling that pressure (even if the bride said she doesn't care and understands If I can't come, etc.). The pressure is still there. I would just hold off maybe until September if you can! Just my opinion