Bachelor party.

Hmm idk. Does the groomsman work on the weekends? Is it possible for him to go just Saturday and Sunday? If the groom can pay him back that would be nice but it's not really the fault of the party that this guy cancelled.

The friend is at fault for committing and paying for a trip before ensuring he could get off work. He should understand that everyone else budgeted their trip assuming that expenses would be split among x number of people, so giving him his money back would cause everyone else to have to pay more than they originally planned to.

That said, I would personally feel bad taking his money if he couldn’t attend. Mistakes happen. Perhaps offer to give him back his share of the hotel expense—he might tell you to keep it. It’s up to you.

View Quoted Comment Everyone was carpooling together to the bachelor party - about 5 hours away. And it didn’t seem like he wanted to drive himself (not that he is expected to). He does not work on the weekends.

View Quoted Comment Okay, well I don't blame him for not wanting to drive himself, but that's his choice. As the groom, I wouldn't feel comfortable asking the other party goers to pay more money to recoup the cost. I also wouldn't want to pay out of my own pocket to give the money back to this person. If the guy asks for the money back, give it back. If he doesnt, let it go.

I think it depends on how tight on money that groomsman is. But I agree with PP where it does kind of ruin plans about splitting costs between everyone.

It would be nice to give the groomsmen his money back if it doesn't backfire on the other partygoers.

I think the best thing to do would be ask everyone who is going if they would be willing to give all or some of the money back and split the difference.

Yes, you give the money back. This isn't just some random guy off the street, he's a friend of your FH. The trip is Fri-Mon, so yes, he would need time off work, and it's possible he thought he had personal time but forgot some he had already taken. Or maybe someone else already has off those days.

To spare hard feelings and keep your friend, pay him back, and either adjust what is happening on the trip to bring costs down for everyone else, or ask the others to pay a bit more.

This happened to my FH but it was about a month before his party. One of his groomsmen is in graduate school and he found out that he will have midterm exams on the Monday after they get back from a long weekend in Vegas. He had to drop out but luckily one of FH's friends from college who is not a groomsman just really wanted to go to the bachelor party and be a part of the celebration. He happily took over the cost for the trip and they were able to pay the groomsman back.

Is there maybe someone who would love to go and can take time off, not necessarily a groomsman but a cousin or friend?

Assuming that his share was figured by dividing the entire expense of the trip among those who agreed to go - no. That just transfers the expense of the hotel to the others, which isn’t fair to them since he originally agreed to go.

So this happened to us for my friend's wedding but it certainly wasn't a week before the OCMD trip. So we gave the girl her money back and had to split the rest. Frankly, this is more of a sticky situation since it's a week before. Is there anyone else that could take off to go and has the funds? Otherwise, you might have to stomach his share and give it back to him, because it seems unfair for the other groomsmen to have to pay more now. I don't think it's nice to keep his money, two wrongs don't make it right.

Honestly it would depend on how much money. If each person had to give back $50, ok. If it's like $200, no way. A weeks notice is bs. He probably could've seen this coming.