Bachelor Parties and Strip Clubs...a Fun or Grotesque Tradition?

It's all about boundaries.

Some people are fine with strip clubs. That doesn't mean you have to be.

It is up to each couple to determine their boundaries together and respect those boundaries, whatever they may be. As an example, there are couples whose boundaries include extramarital relationships. That doesn't mean everyone has to be okay with that. Just as not everyone has to be okay with strip clubs.

I think a lot of women get on their high horse that they're the "good" wives because they're "totally fine" with strip clubs.

I also don't agree that trust has anything to do with whether or not someone is okay with strip clubs. You can absolutely trust your spouse and still not be comfortable with a situation. People with open marriages use a similar rationale to dismiss others' objections - "unless you're jealous, there shouldn't be a problem." This is entirely incorrect logic, just as "if you trust him, it shouldn't be a problem" is. The "if you trust him" crowd is conflating the discomfort with the situation as being purely about cheating, but it doesn't have to have anything to do with that. You are allowed to simply dislike something. Not every emotion we feel has some logic or rationality behind it - in fact, most don't (please see: phobias; you don't know why or have a reason to be scared, you just are.)

That said, if you have any objections, now is the time to voice them. Your FH is being very honest and open with you, and he is giving you the opportunity to discuss those boundaries. You owe him the same respect and honesty. Think about it and be honest with him.

I don't love the idea at all, but I wouldn't stop him if he wanted to. I would just make myself not think about it, because then I'd get a lil salty lol.

This is hard to answer. Because he would be uncomfortable with it. He would go with me, but it's not something he's into. That being said, if it didn't make him uncomfortable I wouldn't be happy. But I trust him. Even if I don't like it, if he's gonna betray my trust, that's his choice. Then we have a bigger issue. The idea of male strip clubs freak me out. So that's a hard pass as my personal preference.

View Quoted Comment Agreed 100%, very well put.

I have never had an issue with strip clubs. I have gone to both male and female clubs for fun birthday trips and bachelorette parties with and without my man and vice versa. I don't see a big deal. To me its all good and fun times and more often than not this is just a job for the stripper. I knew a few dancers and never met one that crosses that line from stripping to escorting(not saying it doesn't EVER happen) or anything like that. But I guess I am also comfortable with him going because he doesn't drink so he wouldn't have the "I got too drunk and things got out of hand" excuse and since he is sober I trust that he would take control of a situation if a stripper or any of his friends tried to cross that boundary. But that's just me! As everyone has previously stated its all about the boundaries you set for each other and communicate how you feel and what would make you uncomfortable and respecting those boundaries.

View Quoted Comment This is exactly how I feel. Both FH and I have been to strip clubs (separately, the opportunity has never come up to go together) and they are just a fun and entertaining time. I wouldn’t have any objection to him going for his bachelor party or any other night with guys if he wanted. Only reason you should be against your man going to a strip club is if he’s a crappy tipper 😆

The fact that you mentioned you'd feel weird about it, says it all. Just say, "I'm not really comfortable with that as our beginning" & leave it at that. Have boundaries now & be sweet about it or forever be in an uncomfortable position. Just smile & it will all be ok. The fact that you were asked, says people respect you. Continue commanding that respect by setting comffortable boundaries. Just because the "boys" want to have a strip party, doesn't mean your man is into it. Help give him an out.