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Just Said Yes July 2022

Bachelor Parties and Strip Clubs...a Fun or Grotesque Tradition?

Angie, on August 4, 2021 at 11:05 AM Posted in Parties and Events 0 26
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Hi Ladies!

My Fiancé and his best man are planning his bachelor party and I was approached if I would be ok with a night at the strip club.

What's the general consensus on this? I trust my man but feel weird with the thought of a stripper grinding up on him, especially with me not there!

-Angie

26 Comments

Latest activity by Bumblebee3, on August 14, 2021 at 10:51 PM
  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
    • Flag

    Personally I wouldn't be okay with it but it depends on the groom and his group of friends. My FH's best man would never dream of doing something like that because he himself is married and they are a southern religious couple lol. I think its a case by case basis some brides don't care or don't know/want to know and others do.

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  • A
    Just Said Yes July 2022
    Angie ·
    • Flag

    I was reassured its just a stupid tradition so I am going to get him this ridiculous bachelor party sash and let him have his fun. LOL

    Bachelor Parties and Strip Clubs...a Fun or Grotesque Tradition? 1


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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
    • Flag

    I personally don't love it and wouldn't be okay with it, but that's because my FH has never had the wish to go to a strip club before, so why now? I also know he's completely uncomfortable with the idea of them anyway so I don't even have to think about it.

    I think it totally just depends on the guy and the couple. Honestly, it's great that they asked for your input on this because there have been posts on here of grooms hiding the fact that they went from their bride because she was against it. If you're okay with it and he'll play along with the funny sash I say let him go, but ultimately that's up to your comfort level.

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  • Janet
    Devoted October 2018
    Janet ·
    • Flag

    What matters is open communication on the subject. If you feel awkward, you both need to be open and honest about why or why not you both feel a certain way. For some couples it's a boundary that will end the relationship and for others it's not.

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  • K
    Dedicated September 2021
    K ·
    • Flag
    My fiancé is against strip clubs and I can’t really imagine his friends putting him up to it. He’s already told them he doesn’t want that.


    I’m not really down with the whole idea that discomfort with your man going to a strip club is in any way related to whether or not you trust him. I think it’s just disrespectful, plain and simple. To you, to your relationship, to the sanctity and exclusivity of the intimate life you share together. Just as it would be disrespectful for him to catcall or ogle a woman across the street. I would never marry someone who insisted on participating in this tradition, and I would encourage any woman who is uncomfortable with this to make it known. Marriage is not about allowing your partner to do things that hurt you. I think it’s mind-boggling that any woman should be expected to be comfortable with her man- the man she’s committing her life to— engaging in sexualized behavior with another woman. And that if you’re not comfortable with it, it’s somehow because you “don’t trust him”.
    TL;DR I despise the profession and the so-called tradition.
    • Reply
  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
    • Flag
    Every couple has different boundaries. I don’t think it’s fair to blanket label it as “grotesque” but it definitely isn’t something that would be acceptable (for either of us).


    If you aren’t comfortable with someone grinding on him, let him know. If they go to the strip club he will absolutely get a lap dance - even more so with that sash on - so if you aren’t okay with that be open about it. It’s good he’s asking you, be honest with him.
    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    I don’t have any problems with strip clubs, or my man going, or my man going without me. It’s just not a thing that bothers me in any way. In my eyes it’s more of an entertainment thing than a sexy thing, I guess.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    Personally if you trust him then there should not be any issues with this. And the fact that he respects you enough to get your consent is enough reason to let them go. Most guys don't ask permission they just go and then later ask for forgiveness when their lady finds out.
    • Reply
  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    It’s not fair to say if you trust him then there shouldn’t be any issues with it. You can trust someone but not feel comfortable with certain situations or environments. I wholly trust my husband but am equally as uncomfortable with him going to a strip club as I would be with him going hunting. Those aren’t things that align with our values. Neither have to do with how much I trust my husband. And he doesn’t want to do that either, again, our values and boundaries align. It’s totally fine if yours are different, but it isn’t fair to imply she doesn’t trust him because she doesn’t feel comfortable with that environment.
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  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Sorry but for me allowing your man to go or not allowing him is based off of trust. If he wants to go which clearly he must since he asked then as long as she trust him there really shouldn't be an issue. You can not be comfortable with something that maybe your partner is comfortable with and still be okay with him doing it, like going to a strip club or hunting. Marriage is about compromise.
    • Reply
  • K
    Dedicated September 2021
    K ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with this, and I also kind of feel like OP really sounds like she’s leaning toward being uncomfortable with it. And no amount of trying to rationalize it is likely to make her comfortable with it. If she lets him go anyway out of a feeling like she should, she is only going to wind up getting hurt and it will create a crack in their relationship.


    I actually think very few women are legitimately comfortable with this. I have friends who insist they are but they also tend to let their partner get away with a lot of other unacceptable behavior. Not saying this is everyone who says they’re cool with strippers, but I am saying that it doesn’t do anyone any favors to betray your own feelings and values by trying to be the “cool girl”.
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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    It is not a matter of “allowing”. It’s not my place to tell my husband what he can or cannot do. What it is my place to do is communicate my feelings surrounding that. Like you said, it’s a compromise. Does his desire to go to the strip club outweigh her discomfort towards it? Just saying you’re okay with something you aren’t is not compromise. Compromise is weighing both people’s thoughts and feelings and agreeing upon a mutual decision.
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  • K
    Dedicated September 2021
    K ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Trust that he won’t do what? If my man goes to a strip club then he has already crossed the line and broken my trust. I’m not worried he is going to do something additional at the strip club, for me the line, the boundary IS the strip club (for reasons stated above).


    This is why this tends to be a make-or-break issue for so many couples. Each couple can define cheating for themselves, and things tend to go more smoothly when each person within the couple comes into the relationship with the same idea of what constitutes cheating and unacceptable behaviors. It’s so important to share these values. And if there’s a discrepancy then the least amount of damage will be caused by defaulting to the most conservative boundary.
    • Reply
  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    I don't think it's "allowing" anything. It should be a talk between the two of them if she's uncomfortable and he is comfortable. And at that point if her discomfort is enough that he doesn't feel right going then that's one thing, if she decides that though it's not something she loves, she can put aside for him to go do that then that's another. That's compromise.

    And you can 100% be uncomfortable with something and still trust your SO. I fully trust my fiancé to go to a strip club and come back home to me whether he was seriously attracted to one of those girls or even aroused or not. At the same time, I can be not 100% comfortable with the idea that he's there, because I personally don't understand the appeal and the idea of any amount of half naked people just hanging out and touching each other grosses me out - I don't like festivals for that reason either.

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  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I'm not talking about him just going without you knowing. If you made it clear that you don't want him to be at a strip club and he goes then yea he broke your trust. This groom however asked for permission and the OP is asking about how to go about it. This groom clearly communicated that he has some kind of interest in the idea, that's why he asked. And she said she trust him. If he is asking then it's probably because she doesn't have a clear boundary with him on strip clubs. She could set that boundary now and tell him she doesn't want him ever at a strip club or she could let him. I'm saying if she trust him and he is asking her about It instead of just doing it, then I don't see an issue.
    • Reply
  • Melinda
    Rockstar March 2022
    Melinda ·
    • Flag

    Honestly? I wouldn't care less if he wanted to go. I trust him and the dancers there are just doing their job. They don't want him anymore than the next guy. With computer porn, media, etc its kind of crazy to think that the only naked girl my FH will ever see again is me. Guess that makes me the odd man out on this one.

    I used to cocktail waitress at one in college. I've been to a few with friends. Wasn't a big deal.

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  • K
    Dedicated September 2021
    K ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Right, but you said that just because he asked, she should let him go. The idea that trust and whether or not she verbally consents is all that matters is completely ignoring her feelings. A lot of people consent to things they don’t feel comfortable saying no to, or that they are undecided about.


    I would agree with you were it not for the fact that she posted this. Women who are certain they are ok with this scenario don’t ask this question on online forums. Women who are unsure, or who feel like they should be comfortable with it when they aren’t, are the ones who ask these questions.
    I really want to normalize this discussion and move away from the “if you trust him then what’s the problem?” thesis. Consent is extremely important as we have learned in recent years, and part of consent is owning your feelings and being comfortable with saying no to things you aren’t ok with.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    This is exactly my thoughts. And where I live the strippers aren't allowed to physically touch you as well as you are not allowed to touch them. They can dance around you shake their a$$ in your face but no touching. If you touch they kick you out and if she touches she can get in trouble. I may not understand the whole appeal of paying someone to "tease" you or care for the whole thing in general but it doesn't bother me one bit if he goes.
    • Reply
  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    I personally have never loved this idea. My FH does NOT like strip clubs though, he feels extremely uncomfortable at them, so if he were to say that he wanted to go for a bachelor party it would be very out of character for him. He doesn't drink either, so it's not like he'd just be going to hang at a bar or something. I think it depends with every couple. One of my FH's friends goes frequently to the strip club and he's married and his wife doesn't mind it because it's something he's always done with his friends. I think you need to decide and do what's best for both of you, and you shouldn't feel bad about voicing your real opinions, no matter what they are.

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  • Rabreena
    Devoted October 2021
    Rabreena ·
    • Flag

    My FH let me know after him and the guys had a day to hang out, catch up and talk wedding details that the guys had mentioned of course taking him to a strip club for his bachelor party. I know these guys well and expected this idea to come about.
    I expressed to my FH my feelings that I honestly do not like or feel good about the fact with him going there. I do thoroughly trust him, but in my eyes I think the idea of it is just gross. To imagine some other unknown woman trying to touch or grind on a man that I know and love is utterly a gross feeling, especially with all of the unknown in regards to her, no thanks!

    Thankfully my FH did go back and mention to the guys that he isn't ok with or want to do that for his bachelor party, so he suggested of going to do something else, like bowling instead, or otherwise he just doesn't need to have one.

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