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Rianna
Beginner December 2019

Baby or No?

Rianna, on December 22, 2019 at 1:39 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 18
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Ever since we announced our engagement, we’ve had our families ask what have we thought about kids? But we aren’t sure we want kids, or are even ready for them-even for our age! What should we do, and is it acceptable to not want children?

18 Comments

  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    Yup! I’m 40’s, never wanted kids and still don’t. Hubby doesn’t either. We have many friends who have happy & fulfilling lives without kids.


    Having kids is a personal decision. And it sounds like you have plenty of time to decide (and enjoy being married!!!). To quiet people up you can laugh it off and say “We want to enjoy life together first!” If they continue you can push back, “Please stop asking. We’ll let you know.”
    • Reply
  • M
    Expert September 2020
    Marcia ·
    • Flag
    Having kids is a very personal decision. Don’t let anyone pressure you or make you feel bad for whatever you decide.


    I knew I wanted kids and after 4 years of marriage, I had the first. People started asking at the wedding when I would have some kids. I was determined to wait until we were ready.
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    Some people (family) push a couple to have kids but they don’t have to do the work! There’s a lot to enjoy without kids for a while in an early marriage such as travel, buying a house, paying off debts & saving money, learning how to have amazing communication which you’ll need as parents, splurging on gifts for yourself or your partner, having a hobby or free time outside time with your spouse.
    • Reply
  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    • Flag
    Do not let people persuade a very personal decision. It’s perfectly ok to not want children.
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    My fh and I aren't having kids and if we ever do that'll be our decision. That's up to you two only. Many still feel that people that marry must have kids. Heck many feel that all women want kids.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    I believe that people shouldn't puau marriage and kids on couples. Not only is it awkward but these are things that no one should do until they are ready. You guys are fine to not want kids. My only advice is, make sure you both are on the same page with this. I'd hate to see one of you want children in ten years and the other still not want kids. It could cause some issues. Just discuss this in detail with your fiance and leave the rest out of it!
    • Reply
  • A
    Super February 2020
    Andrea ·
    • Flag
    I think it’s a personal choice between you and FH. We’ve been together for a while and in that time people (including FMIL) have made comments about having kids. We shrug it off because we weren’t ready, but we are now which is why we have been planning and preparing. It’s no ones business what you guys plan on doing!
    • Reply
  • S
    Beginner October 2020
    Snow-Star6 ·
    • Flag
    Having kids or no is just your own decision. Don't let people to convince you if you don't want. I am 26 and I am now pregnant 4,5 months and it was my and my future husband's decision. My aunt has never wanted to have kids and it was her own decision.
    • Reply
  • Ashlyn
    Savvy October 2020
    Ashlyn ·
    • Flag

    It's definitely ok to not want children or to second guess wanting them. Children drastically change your life. I think some people just don't know what to say when they hear someone is engaged...

    • Reply
  • Stevie
    Devoted February 2020
    Stevie ·
    • Flag

    I 100% feel this.

    I've been with my Fiance for 6 years now, and when we get married we'll be "Celebrating" our 7 year anniversary. (one heck of a party right, LOL) So with that being said we've been drilled with questions about kids. Were going to take some time after the wedding to enjoy eachother as Husband and wife before getting in to the kid topic. Totally acceptable to not want children right away or even at all.

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle Online ·
    • Flag
    I think it's fine to tell people you aren't sure. I get asked a lot and I just say that it's something we want to discuss later on because right now we are happy as is
    • Reply
  • Fany
    Devoted October 2021
    Fany ·
    • Flag
    Of course it's acceptable to not have kids!
    • Reply
  • kymarmck
    Super March 2020
    kymarmck ·
    • Flag

    We personally do want kids, and will start trying probably 2 - 3 years after we get married. But it is 100% acceptable to not want children! Not everyone wants to have kids and that's perfectly fine Smiley smile It all depends on what you want!

    I have a friend who will only be a puppy momma! She'd much rather watch her friends kids grow up and baby sit them and be the cool "aunt" than have children of her own Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
    • Flag
    Its absolutely fine to not want children. Even before I couldn't have kids, I didnt want them. Parenting looks awful to me.
    • Reply
  • Kari
    VIP May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    You should not have children unless you are sure you want them.

    I don't know why people think creating other human beings is a noteworthy social experiment, and I wish more people who weren't sure didn't give in to societal pressures and have kids just because it is what they are expected to do.

    If you don't want kids or feel like you aren't ready, that's more than totally okay. Deciding to have children is a very personal decision and it isn't really appropriate for most people to be asking you about it.

    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated June 2021
    Mitten State Bride ·
    • Flag
    Totally okay!! Not everyone has the urge to have kids right away (or at all), and that is fine! It’s a personal choice, and if you are both in agreement that you’re not ready (or don’t want them at all), don’t let people “bully” you into having them!
    • Reply
  • Suzie
    Super October 2020
    Suzie ·
    • Flag

    Ugh, we had so many people bring up kids once we got engaged, and it bothers me so much! It’s nobody’s business what your family choices are, and people should not assume anything. I have a 14 year old, and have no plans of having more. FH is fine not having biological children, and loves my son as his own. It’s fine to not want kids - it’s fine to want kids - it’s fine to not know. You can politely let people know you’re still deciding, or that it’s a personal decision and you’d like to keep it private. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your life choices. I made jokes or brushed it off when people asked, but now I just say that is not our plan and move the conversation elsewhere. Only you can decide what is best for you!

    • Reply
  • Just Said Yes April 2020
    ·
    • Flag

    I have three kids, he has one and people have still asked us if we're having kids. I think it's ridiculous what people ask and expect of others. It's VERY acceptable to not want children.

    • Reply

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