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H
Dedicated October 2019

Awkward Invite Situation

H, on August 22, 2019 at 9:59 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 27
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We heard through the grapevine that one of my fiance’s friends was upset that she does not have a plus one to our wedding. She had their mutual friend reach out to him to tell us that she has been dating someone for a few months (we had no idea) and she wants to bring him to the wedding. She did not ask us herself. We feel like we were put in a weird situation and aren’t sure what to do.

27 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs. Bubba, on August 28, 2019 at 1:23 AM
  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
    • Flag

    She probably felt weird herself having to ask, but it sounds like bringing her SO is important to her and worth considering. Do you have room in your guest list to add one more person?

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  • H
    Dedicated October 2019
    H ·
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    Our guest list already felt overwhelming and we ended up with a higher number than we wanted. I feel if it was that important to her I wish she came to us. The fact that she was mad she didn’t get a plus one at all gets me frustrated, too. We didn’t give anyone a plus one who wasn’t in a relationship.
    • Reply
  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    If you aren't willing to budge, then I would just tell her that you are unable to accommodate her SO and hope she can still make it.

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  • Courtney
    Master December 2019
    Courtney ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't even worry about it until she brings it up to you herself. Simply let her know that the guest list has been set and what you have now is even pushing it.

    • Reply
  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    But she is in a relationship...

    If it were me I'd call and apologize for the oversight as you didn't know she was in a relationship and gladly extend the invite to her SO.

    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    If numbers allow it, this would be a nice gesture.
    • Reply
  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
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    Agreed. I had to do this with a few of FH's friends. He had no clue, or just didn't think it was important information. After his friends received invites a few of them called and asked about bringing an SO and one kid. We told them of course! I would have invited them by name to begin with, but my FH wasn't diligent about finding out all the information.

    • Reply
  • Lara
    Devoted October 2019
    Lara ·
    • Flag

    Give her a plus one. Say you just heard that she was dating someone and you would love to see them there at the wedding.

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  • allisonrose
    Dedicated September 2019
    allisonrose ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    This. If you had known beforehand, would you
    have invited the SO? If so, then letting him
    come would be the right thing to do.
    • Reply
  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
    • Flag
    If apologize for the oversight and invite her SO. Chances are you're going to have at least one other person decline to allow some wiggle room for them to come.
    • Reply
  • Just Said Yes October 2022
    ·
    • Flag
    For this reason, to avoid this kind of situation - i sat my FH down and we discussed having plus ones for all of the guests. Many of them have children, and you never know if some of them have a SO since we don't know the day to day of everyones life. We are in the early stages of planning and I already forsaw this being a last minute issue. Honestly, I would reach out to your friend and try to be accommodating. Ask her why she didnt reach out to you directly and inform her that you were not aware that she had a SO.
    • Reply
  • Caitlin
    Savvy October 2019
    Caitlin ·
    • Flag

    I don't think that someone who has been in a relationship for 4 months (that you didn't even know about) is something to worry about. If your guest list doesn't allow for it, don't concern yourself!

    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    If it were me, I'd just reach out to her and apologize for not including her SO and invite him.

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  • I_Do_Too
    Devoted September 2020
    I_Do_Too ·
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    I agree with this. It depends on how close the fiance’s friend is. If its someone you both want there and have a good relationship with, then she should get a plus one even though shes being passive aggressive.
    • Reply
  • Fmv
    Super October 2020
    Fmv ·
    • Flag
    If your guest list allows it, id say sure extend her a plus one. If not, reach out and tell her you didnt know she was in a relationship and that unfortunately you cant accommodate anymore guests.
    I also feel its so akward and odd that she didnt each out to you as an adult herself and ask forna plus one
    • Reply
  • Laurinston
    Dedicated September 2019
    Laurinston ·
    • Flag

    Listen! This is your wedding and no guest has the right to be mad that they don't have a plus one. The rules of etiquette say you don't have to extend a plus one unless they are married or dating for at least 6 months. Regardless of etiquette you didn't know about the plus 1 therefore that person isn't very significant to you. Why would you invite an insignificant person to your wedding?

    In summary, this is your wedding. Invite whoever you feel comfortable inviting and stay within your budget.

    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    When I heard through the grapevine after invites went out that my cousin was in a relationship, I reached out to him directly and said she was welcome to come to.
    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    I think this friend should have contacted you and FH directly instead of having someone else tell you. I would invite her SO, but she needs to be an adult and reach out to you first

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Super October 2019
    Kelly ·
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    That’s exactly what I did. FH cousin started dating someone in Feb & we sent our save the dates in Jan. I used the same list as January & had no idea that they were dating until my FMIL asked me bc she wanted to know how to address the rehearsal dinner invites. I sent the cousin a heartfelt email, apologizing for the oversight, explaining that the invites were prepared from information we received in Jan & extending her bf an invite. She was very gracious & they are going to try to make it - she’s in college & he is in the marines (and is trying to get leave that weekend) but either way she will def make it.
    • Reply
  • Tamika
    Expert October 2019
    Tamika ·
    • Flag

    I would let her; a couple of ppl that RSVPd may not show so your guest number will work itself out. You'll be surprise how the ceremony and reception goes.

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