Awkward conversations...

Oh, that's really hard. Many family members of mine have anxiety, so I can really understand how big of a deal this would be to your FMIL. It's great that you and your FH at least see eye to eye on this matter; he'll probably need to take the lead on this (or at least be the face of the operation) to keep FMIL from imagining that you're brainwashing her son to think this way. The fact that the venue only allows certified animals is pretty cut and dry -- how can she argue with that? Would she possibly try to get the dog certified by then? If he also became better behaved through classes, would you and FH possibly be ok with him attending?

If the dog is definitely out, ask her what she could have instead? Does she have a quirky friend who could come be her security blanket? If she really can't have the dog, I think she'll appreciate being given alternate options.

How debilitating is her anxiety? I'd tread lightly here as it sounds like she truly needs the dog. Explain to her that the venue will only allow certified dogs and be understanding if she decides not to attend the wedding. On the other hand, she could get the certified and the venue would be fine with it. Would that then be ok with you?

Yikes - that's a tricky situation to be in. I'd focus on the "venue-doesn't-allow-dogs" part, just so that she doesn't take it personal regarding you and your FH. Has it ever happened that she's not allowed in other places/venues because of her dog? You guys could remind her of that, like "hey, remember you weren't able to bring your dog to so and so? You were fine without him for the evening, and it'll be the same on our wedding day..."

I would mention very matter of factly (not a word but work with me here) that the dog must be certified to enter the venue. If she has had this condition for long enough then she will understand that. Then it's up to her to get it certified, have the dog not come, or not attend. I think if she is willing to have the dog certified then you should allow her to bring it. Just because you can not outwardly see her disability (other then the dog) doesn't mean that it is any less serious of a condition and should be treated with respect as such.

Anxiety runs in both mine and my FH families so we understand this is going to be quite difficult for her. My FMIL has tried to work on the dogs behavior problems, but as the dog ages the behavior problems only seem to get worse. We love her and her dog, but we want a wedding where we don't have to worry about any complications involving her dog. We are more than happy to have her to bring someone else who brings her comfort. Thank you all for all your suggestions and advice. This is a pretty touchy subject in our home right now that we want to make sure we handle appropriately.

Could the dog be confined somewhere, like the bridal suite, where she could visit him when she needed a moment of comfort, but where your guests wouldn't be exposed to him?

I agree with @SwoleMates. If she has the dog certified, you really should allow it the same way you'd allow someone has a physical disability to bring their wheelchair, cane, etc. I understand what you mean about not wanting the complications, but if this dog is how she can get through the wedding, then I think it would be mean to not allow it.

I'm pretty sure it's illegal to require an animal to be "certified" as a service animal before you'll allow someone to bring it somewhere. I'm reasonably sure it's legal to ask what the animal is trained to do -- but beyond that, you can't prevent someone from bringing their service animal anywhere based on questioning its legitimacy as a service animal.

The dog being badly behaved and aggressive (I assume that's what you mean by "won't let anyone but [FMIL] touch him") is a whole other can of worms, and seems like it should be sufficient justification for not letting him in.

Ah! You're in such a similar situation to me. I just found out that my FSMIL needs to bring her service dog to the wedding. I didn't even know she went ahead and got the dog until last week but apparently she's had it for a while. It's for her anxiety, but the dog isn't fully trained yet. My FH and I aren't thrilled about the idea of having the dog at the wedding, but we checked with our venue and they're going to allow it.

Personally, I'm going to try to make the best of the situation because it's her that's uncomfortable and I will accommodate anything she needs to ensure she can enjoy the day. I understand how you feel, and it's certainly an inconvenience. Hopefully you, your FH the venue and your FMIL can come to some kind of an agreement on what will work to make everyone happy.

Best wishes!

If the venue doesn't allow it I'm not sure this is even a discussion?

Http://www.ada.gov/archive/qasrvc.htm - this might be helpful. pigeon is right in that it seems they can't require the animal to be certified. However, they also can't ask what the animal is trained to do - I think all that's legal for the venue to ask is whether it's a service animal or a pet. If it's a service animal serving a disability, that's all that needed.

That aside, I like Sci Fi bride's suggestion if your FMIL is open to it. Is the dog crate trained and would be able to be confined in a separate room so that FMIL can step out and be with the dog if needed?

Gently tell her the venue policy ASAP. Then she has over 9 months to find some other coping mechanism or get the dog certified.

A: The ADA defines a service animal as any guide dog, signal dog, or other animal individually trained to provide assistance to an individual with a disability. If they meet this definition, animals are considered service animals under the ADA regardless of whether they have been licensed or certified by a state or local government.

Service animals perform some of the functions and tasks that the individual with a disability cannot perform for him or herself. Guide dogs are one type of service animal, used by some individuals who are blind. This is the type of service animal with which most people are familiar. But there are service animals that assist persons with other kinds of disabilities in their day-to-day activities. Some examples include:

_ Alerting persons with hearing impairments to sounds.

_ Pulling wheelchairs or carrying and picking up things for persons with mobility impairments.

_ Assisting persons with mobility impairments with balance.

This dog does not sound "trained" I'm not saying that its not needed but by their terms its not a service dog. And since you dont really want her bringing the dog it dosnt really matter. Plus if you want to get your dog certified it has to go through behavior test that it sounds like it would fail. I would have your fiance talk to her and explain the venues rules. And try to help find her an alternative.

If she does end up bringing the dog, maybe having it wear a "do not touch" vest would be a good idea.

I don't know your FMIL, but people with phony service animals really grind my gears! It's a detriment to those who truly need a service companion! And how do I know hers is a phony? A trained service animal behaves in public and is social. What you describe is not a service animal, it's a security blanket.

Tell her to leave the dog at home.

The problem is the ADA is so open ended about it that there's no way to prove it's not a service animal.

"Although a number of states have programs to certify service animals, you may not insist on proof of state certification before permitting the service animal to accompany the person with a disability."

Definitely tread lightly for sure, and this would be one of those things I would have my FH discuss and decide with her. I'd be hesitant to go there. But you know your relationships, so may feel differently!

I do not practice disability law but I've researched it a lot due to my future step daughters both being deaf. I agree with @beka's breakdown of the ADA. The venue should not discriminate. However I think the biggest issue is the dogs behavior. I don't take dog obedience lightly. I have two pitbulls that are trained to the "T". So I make no excuses for poorly trained dogs. You and FH must have a sensitive and honest conversation with MIL.

My FH and I have decided he will take his mother out for dinner and have a conversation about the situation. Thank you all for your help and advice! Hopefully we can figure out a way to make everyone happy!

Great idea Alyssa. Give her plenty of time to let the idea sink in and maybe as you get closer to the date it can work itself out.

Keep in mind she said it's an emotional support animal which is completely different from a service animal. I'm not 100% on all the laws but I'm pretty sure that they're able to specify that only certified service animals are allowed. I could be wrong but I'm just throwing that out there to consider too. Good luck! Definitely a tough conversation to have.

ETA: clarified a double negative