Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Emily
Savvy July 2021

Awkward Cake Dilemma

Emily, on June 28, 2021 at 6:49 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13
Saved
Reply
I’m venting/ranting a bit here but also open to advice. My husband and I got married a few weeks ago but since we are from across the country, we decided to have a second reception for all of his family/friends in our hometown (where I now live too). We started planning the reception here when his parents stepped in and said they would like to pay for it (they are pretty well off and it is so kind and generous of them!). We were planning on it being somewhat casual as it’s not the real wedding, but at the same time I wanted it to be special and reflect the things we like. The awkward thing is, his parents want to pay for it, and have invited over 100 people (just their invitees, not including my husband’s guests, so in total we are looking at 200-250). We so very much appreciate that they are paying and want it to be nice, but one small thing that bothers me about it is the cake situation. Everyone who knows me knows I LOVE cake and dessert. I’ve always been a baker and into baking and sweets and have won a few cake decorating competitions. I even ran a dessert club in my old town where we planned weekly outings. That all to explain how disappointed I was when my in-laws first said “do we really need cake?” Then they must have seen the surprise on my face and said “I guess we can get sheet cakes from Safeway.” I don’t want to overstep my place because they’re paying for it, but is there a tactful way to say “I would prefer to have a traditional wedding cake,” and even offer to pay for it myself rather than it coming out of their budget? I would make it myself but I have family coming in town that weekend for it and it would be too hectic. If a bride and groom don’t care for cake, then great, don’t serve it. But I just feel like if people show up to a wedding where the bride is me, they will be a little surprised to see a grocery store sheet cake. I just don’t want to offend them by making them feel like their idea isn’t good enough for me. The other thing that makes me feel weird is my husband is a bit of a beer connoisseur and he his parents were totally fine with paying a local tap house to bring a few kegs of really good beer (people in the northwest are serious about their beer!). It makes me feel like they don’t care about the things I like but if their son likes it then they’ll do it. If they were hurting for cash of course it wouldn’t bother me as much. It’s the fact that it’s just stingy for no reason that bothers me.

13 Comments

Latest activity by Emily, on July 7, 2021 at 9:08 AM
  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    That is great they are offering but it seems odd they don’t even consult you regarding your wishes. I would be honest that you are looking forward to cake from a traditional bakery because of your history as a hobbyist and that you are willing to finance it yourself if they don’t want to spend the money. You won’t know till you ask.

    • Reply
  • Victoria
    Devoted June 2020
    Victoria ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I would suggest telling them that you’re very interested in hiring a baker to make a traditional wedding cake for the event; you understand that it’s above and beyond their plans for the day so of course you’ll cover the expense (this way you get control over it), and all you would greatly appreciate is their cooperation in arranging for its delivery.
    • Reply
  • KYLIE
    Super May 2019
    KYLIE ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Yes, this! I also wouldn’t assume they are purposefully being stingy. Maybe they just assumed since you already had your wedding and this is, in your own words, meant to be a casual celebration, they didn’t envision a traditional cake. I’d bring up dessert the next time the topic of the wedding comes up and just say “by the way, I have a vision for a specific kind of cake since desserts are so special to me. I’ll take care of it so don’t worry about it!”
    They might offer to pay or they might not. But advocating for what you want and making it clear you are fine with paying should avoid any weirdness.
    • Reply
  • Sara
    Expert August 2021
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Maybe talk with your husband about it and you can both talk to his parents about getting a cake.
    • Reply
  • P
    Devoted April 2023
    Peyton ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I would enlist my husband’s help as much as possible. This may be an area where you will have go compromise. but may be not. Just mention it and see what happens

    • Reply
  • B
    Devoted August 2022
    Bride2Be ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    They might not even realize how special cake is to you! Just bring it up and let them know you’d REALLYYYYY love to have a more traditional cake! I agree with the others that to help not make it weird, offer to pay for it so they know you’re serious! Who knows they might even pay for it, but even if they don’t, you’ll be able to have the cake you want!
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Dedicated August 2021
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I understand where you are coming from. I took a corporate detour to manage a french bakery for four years. And I've entered (and placed) in local chocolate competitions, so I feel people expect an elaborate cake from my wedding. Plus I'm the one who always brings desserts and cakes to everything.


    But I'd definitely start by talking to my husband, and enlist his help with the inlaws. They might respond better to him. And he might (guys are dense) not realize just how much this is upsetting you, or that he should be the one to go to his extremely generous parents about it. And once they hear you'll even pay for it, they will realize it means a lot to you.
    Heck, I had to fight to get dessert at my rehearsal dinner. His mom said a veggie tray would be a better use of the money.
    Good luck!!
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Savvy July 2021
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Oh man a veggie tray!!! That is so funny! My husband just says “it will be fine, people go to a wedding to see us, not the cake” so not much help there. My husband is incredibly kind but passive and his parents are so nice, they are just a bit socially awkward especially his mom and she genuinely doesn’t realize what she’s doing I think. I might just call her and say I’ll plan on ordering it and paying for it.
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    What else is being served for food? It sounds concerning that 250 guests are being invited and your in-laws don’t even want to provide cake? Even at a non -mealtime (2-4 pm) I would think light snacks at least, or a dessert bar as you mentioned.
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Savvy July 2021
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    They’re fine with providing a cake, they just want it to be a Safeway sheet cake because they think most people don’t like cake (I know it’s not for everyone, but perhaps people don’t eat the cake at their other children’s weddings because it was also from Safeway). The caterer is serving heavy afternoon hors d’oeuvres. I think they just thought some other dessert from the caterer would be fine before I suggested cake. And she also pointed out that it’s not the real wedding so she thinks it’s fine. I get that it’s not the real wedding, but the purpose of doing this event was so people wouldn’t have to drive four days or fly across the country to get to the real one and I don’t want it to be like the people are getting snubbed because they couldn’t afford to come to the real one.
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Hmm… I totally get where you’re coming from on cake. If you really want the traditional wedding cake, can you look into cost and say something to your in-laws like “We’re so appreciative your offer to take care of the dessert. I would really love a traditional wedding cake. Can we chip in the price difference?!


    If you can’t do that I don’t think store cake is the worst thing. Any cake with appetizers will likely be appreciated. 💕
    • Reply
  • J
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    If you will do a variety of desserts, as we did, couldn't you show off with regular 3 layer cakes, some round and some rectangular, each a different flavor and frosting? Those taste far better than the usual wedding cake made days ahead, or sheet cakes. I love to cook, baking especially, as do a few others in my family, and even if we do not do it, appreciate eating it. We also had baklava, small cannoli, cheesecake, custard pies, and apple pie and streusel. We only had face for about 120 cheaper and fresher, than wedding cake. Between after the food, and a second dessert buffet of just drinks and desserts put out at at 10:30, we served 2 desserts per person.


    • Reply
  • Emily
    Savvy July 2021
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Love the idea but I have family coming in to town so I’m not going to be held up in the house baking when I could be spending time with them.
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Explore how we embrace diversity

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics